Antics from a Fledgling Expat

The Story of a Girl with No Time for Blogs

2011-07-11T04:46:00.013+03:00

I guess I've set some kind of a record here with close to six months having passed without a single entry. And I'm guilty as charged for complete blog negligence without a valid excuse!

My natural instinct here would be to justify my absence by explaining that life has just gotten a little crazy lately... but it's occurred to me recently that this isn't something that's happened lately, it's just how my life is... crazy.

So keeping in mind the fact that nothing is consistent in my life except its inconsistency, I will proceed to do my best to adequately cover the past six months without boring you to death! Life has thrown a lot of interesting curve balls my way lately...

When I last wrote, I was at the London Heathrow airport reflecting on my decision to remain in "Expatistan," as I recently heard it referred to and now choose to copy. These questioning feelings only got worse as I boarded my second plane to Istanbul and watched the "British Airways Recommends" film Never Let Me Go, an almost comically devastating movie about forced organ donation in 18 year old, family-less clones of social rejects.

I became depressed for days thinking about the fictional character's miserable and short lives. No joke, my thoughts were actually this dramatic! Why I allow myself to get so into things intended as mere entertainment, I may never know... I think I just wanted an actual reason to be sad about something. As with all things in life, movies serve whatever purpose you'd like them to.

Of course these sulking feelings weren't able to remain for long. As soon as I began work again the following Monday things picked up and didn't stop for months. I believe my last post included ecstatic comments about my very awesome job and all the places it would take me. I would like to take this opportunity to retract those statements and replace them with the following sentiments.

Beginning in January, my beloved British editor Peter was replaced with an older more experienced American with an out-of-control temper and a drug problem. And this is where it all began. I suddenly found myself beginning my mornings by getting into a car and being screamed at for one thing or another, causing me on numerous occasions to get out and take taxis. The day would continue as I hopped around the city meeting, chatting with, and interviewing rich, famous, successful and sometimes even interesting people.

Following nine hours of back-to-back meetings, I'd return to my office exhausted to be yelled at by my boss for one thing or another, be it not having had enough meetings that day despite my schedule not being able to even accommodate lunch, for not having surpassed 20k euros of sales that week, or for me having apparently gained weight since starting to work there (for the record, I did not!).

Putting up with comments along the lines of "you were much prettier when I hired you... " "We need to get you a new __(coat/bag/skirt/etc)__ don't we...?" or, "This girl surprises myself with what she allows herself to eat," eventually inevitably would get anyone down.

I'd leave the office past midnight only to go home, shower, sleep, and repeat. My work became my life, and I unfortunately sacrificed a number of friends here for it, receiving little in return from what was supposed to be my dream job. On paper it was still great, but I could only tell myself that for so long. My colleagues explained that constant screaming, swearing, insincerity and no positive feedback from anyone, ever is just part of the industry and "this is the path I have chosen."

I kept holding out, though, with hopes that when transferred to another country things would improve.

The project due to finish in February or March was suddenly still going until mid-June and took a major toll on me. On the bright side, I had little time to think about or miss my old life!

In the mean time, I had a very bad car accident in the end of January, just a couple weeks after returning to Turkey. I was driving my company car, manual transmission (which I recently learned and was finally confident with) on my way home from dropping off my editor at 2am on a Friday night, in the rain.

All was going well until suddenly the car began swerving left to right, my break wouldn't work and I was heading toward a taxi in the right lane beside me. To avoid the sideswipe, I instinctively jerked the wheel left (instincts actually aren't ALWAYS correct...) and wound up headed straight into oncoming traffic. As I saw a red car driving directly toward me for a head-on collision, the last thing I remember thinking is, "this probably isn't going to end well...."

The next thing I knew, that same car was half inside my own car (fortunately there was no one in the passenger seat...), a tree was in the front of my car, and a few strangers were prying open my car door. I unbuckled, pushed off the air bag, got out into the rain, and listened dumbly to the man from the other car scream at me.

The ordeal that ensued was unreal. The man left. I was standing with some strangers who pulled over to help... both cars were completely totaled.

My tights were ripped and my legs bleeding a bit, I had deep cuts where the seat belt dug into my hips and shoulder, I was a little short of breath (and as I would soon find, completely black and blue) from the air bag knocking the wind out of me, but otherwise fine. And thanks to that seat belt and air bag, actually, for allowing me to walk away from the accident. When the police came, I automatically explained to them that I was fine and did not need medical attention, so I was taken to the station.

After about 20min of sitting with young Turkish policemen staring curiously at me in silence, I started experiencing an awful pain in my lower back. When it got to the point I couldn't take it anymore, I asked to be taken to a hospital. They told me no, my paperwork would take a few hours and then I could go. I insisted and got very upset, to no avail. Finally I called a friend who showed up despite the late hour with a stronger determination than myself to get me to a doctor, and soon I was in a police car going to the American Hospital, which I now so regret requesting.

Upon arriving there, they treated my wounds and as I lay in bed hooked up to pain killers, waiting for my ultrasound, x-ray and MRI, the man from the other car showed up to continue screaming at me.

I closed my eyes and pretended not to speak Turkish. After some time he gave up and walked himself out of my room, changing his strategy. He began informing all the nurses, doctors, and anyone else passing by that would listen to him that I had been drunk. He explained to them that I reeked of alcohol when he opened my door (he did not even open my door) and that I had come stumbling out into the rain completely out of control drunk. I listened to his lies surprisingly apathetically, but that was just my general attitude at the time. Numb.

The police then explained they were convinced I was faking injury to postpone the alcohol test until I was sober.

The nurses came in to give me an alcohol blood test, which was sent to Ankara to process over the next week and a half. I was then given other tests and it was determined that I had fractured a lower rib and endured soft tissue damage in my lower back, which the doctor casually mentioned is part of a degenerative tissue disease I apparently have and will cause me difficulties walking and moving in the future. The policemen stared dumbly at the x-ray of my back on the wall.

But once the man had said I was drunk, my treatment in the hospital changed drastically. I asked for water three times and never received it. The nurses and doctors were short and rude, I had to limp in excruciating pain to the exam rooms and get myself on the table, despite sharp pains shooting from my back through the rest of my body. Doctors save murderers who are injured while running away, but apparently a girl accused of a DUI with no legitimacy deserves no fair treatment. In the mean time my passport and driver's license were confiscated. Guilty until proven innocent, I guess. And it only got worse.

Back in the room hooked up to painkillers, two medical directors and four police officers entered my room for my statement. I gave it in English, the man said he wrote it in Turkish and asked me to sign it. I was still pretending to speak no Turkish at all, but looked at the statement... it admitted guilt and alcohol consumption on my part, which I obviously had not said. I refused to sign the document.

I asked for an official translator and was denied one. I called the American Consulate and they said they could not get involved. The men stood around my bed yelling at me for about half an hour that seemed like a kind of eternity. All I remember thinking was how surreal the whole thing was... it was like I was watching it on TV. Four policemen, two medical directors and me in a room. They're standing around my hospital bed yelling at me to sign something that I do not want to sign.

The medical director ordered tea for everyone but me. The police discussed in low tones how Americans are all like this. The other policeman turned to me and said, "Look, if you don't sign this now, we'll get you out of the hospital, take you to the police station, and make you sign it there." I just stared at him blankly. I took the paper and wrote, "I do not speak Turkish, I do not understand this document," and began to sign my name. The paper was ripped out of my hand and thrown away.

The statement was rewritten and presented to me again. I begged them to see things from my point of view, if I had to go to Turkish court and did not understand my own statement. The medical director became frustrated with me and continued yelling, despite me asking him repeatedly to please not yell. I had no idea what reason he had to be angry with me or speak to me that way... I still don't.

Finally they left my room. I heard the policeman in the hallway asking if I was single and if he could get my phone number.

After a while, the owner of the hospital came sauntering into my room. "So," she said, "the famous ... or should I say infamous Kristen..." I did not reply. Unfazed, she continued. "Tell me, why'd you hit him?" I stared at her in disbelief. "Kristen," she went on, "how much alcohol did you drink?" and the nightmare continued.

Finally, to make this all end, I wrote my statement in English, wrote that I expected the Turkish version was the same as this, and signed my name to both beside the other signatures, not knowing what I was getting myself into. Alone, I left the hospital and took a taxi home where I slept for the next entire day. The next Monday night, after a graciously bestowed single day working from home from my boss, I was on a plane to Ankara to continue work and the routine continued.

Of course my blood alcohol levels came back as zero. I picked up my identification and the report from the station with a spiteful pride. My insurance covered all of his and my expenses, but the man from the other car decided to continue his accusations and filed a law suit against me for 50,000 lira for the inconvenience. I spent all the money I'd finally been able to save at my first job that paid me more than was necessary to share a moldy, run-down flat with 13 people, on a lawyer. So much for that.

In May went to criminal court, as there is no tort law in Turkey. The man stood in court explaining to the judge I was drunk, that he is unemployed and lost his job because of this accident (???) and that it caused him stress to the degree that warrants financial compensation. Oh yeah, and by the way, he needs platinum plates in his legs for a condition directly related to the accident, despite his medical statement reporting no serious injury and minor potential for future injury, but only in his neck or shoulder region. I found myself listening to his lies a second time.

He was shocked to see I had a lawyer and friends with me. He expected me to show up totally alone and hand over the cash my Daddy had given me to make him go away. I did not. The judge recommended he drop the case, asking if he had broken a window on his house but repaired it back to normal, why he would still go after him. The man persisted. The case will take up to three years. I was excused from appearing in court again... in three years I will be notified if I owe the bastard money.

I've always been a pretty positive person. I have what some would describe as a dangerously carefree attitude. I trust people and make friends easily. I have been incredibly lucky by having encountered so many good people in my travels that these feelings have only strengthened with time. But this incident, from the lies to the awful policemen to the hospital treatment... though I said next to nothing the whole time... made me grow up a little more. I observed people at their worst, lying, cheating, threatening, suing and hurting, exemplifying the worst human traits.

I should note, though, that this country has also offered me to experience people at their best, exemplifying love, generosity, kindness, and hospitality to an unprecedented degree, and for this I'm very thankful. Life goes on and this was definitely an enormous learning experience for me.

Of course this post has been largely negative, but the past months have been filled with more than just overworking and becoming disillusioned with the idea that there may be any bit of inherent goodness in human beings. :-)

In March a good friend of mine used his frequent flier miles with Turkish Airlines to fly me to India for a wedding. Of course I couldn't get any time off, so I left straight from the office Friday evening to the airport, arrived Saturday morning, left India early Monday morning and went straight from the airport to the office for an 8:30am start time. It is, in fact, possible to go to India for a weekend! Some of those pictures are here in the blog.

This was actually just what I needed to reassure me that there are good people in the world... being included in Indian wedding celebrations as if I'd been a member of their family since the day I was born. It was wonderful being back in that amazing country--it was the first time since my internship a few years ago and my mind was full of flashbacks from the moment I stepped out of the airport to that wonderfully familiar, humid, tropical air. It smelled like nothing other than India and ohhh how I missed it! If I could bottle that air and take a bit every day, I would.

The wedding was in Mumbai, but I'm dying to go back to Hyderabad and see the North of India as well, which I missed last time. I have a standing offer to go back with my friend's miles again, but of course it's just a matter of finding the time in the whirlwind that is my life.

I also went to Switzerland again in March to see Chris-- a much-needed break from the chaos that is Istanbul. We went to Stein am Rheine and of course back to Veltheim. Fresh air, greenery, politeness and the lovely Fischer family... another big step toward redemption of human kind, as far as I'm concerned. Nina, Sinem and I went skiing in Uludağ Turkey for a bit in March as well. A few pictures of these are below, too.

And life went on in Istanbul. A lot of my friends left, but I was too busy to really notice or be bothered much... such has been my life here. I still had the few people I chose to spend the majority of my precious little spare time with and that was enough.

My parents finally made it out to Istanbul the first week of April, which was a wonderful taste of home. It's always a little bizarre when my worlds cross... the old and the new... my life in the US of being a student, surrounded by my family and old familiar friends, and my new life in Istanbul, working, meeting new people and experiencing new things.

My parents loved Istanbul, though, and you can see some of our photos here! I wish they could have stayed a month instead of a week, but am so impressed they came and did so well after 25 years of not leaving the United States. My parents are wonderful people. They even learned some Turkish for the trip... and my friends were so good to them, very eager to meet them and show them around while I was at work ... it was a perfect week.

But the next conflict arose over my living situation, which is the worst place to have instability. I was living with the same guy still, though he was not pleased with this fact one bit. When he offered I move in way back in December, despite me having put down a 200-lira nonrefundable deposit elsewhere, it was under the assumption, I guess, that I would leave in March, as my boss had told me.

When April rolled around and my Kurabiye and me were still there, the roommate was displeased. When May hit, a discussion was in order. He told me that it was nothing personal, that I'm a great person, but that he's 49 years old and does not want a roommate at all. Motivated by money, he did explain to me that this discomfort of his caused by my presence would be remedied by an extra 300 lira per month should I choose to remain in the flat. I was already paying more than my share.

The next month passed full of extra tension that I did not need amongst the stress of my finishing project. Even my cat sensed it. He would pace around the flat, meowing at the walls and just seemed a little nervous, like he was trapped. I would watch him and think about how well I could relate.

As I felt like things were caving in on me, June came with a new offer. A friend of mine in London does consulting services for big companies, working out business strategies. She had worked out a communications plan for eBay Europe requiring the hiring of a new resource to do European Client Relations, had thought of me for the role and asked if I was interested.

So stuck in my little routine and having thoroughly convinced myself life would be grand when I was not in the same office as my evil boss, I politely declined. She suggested I submit my CV anyway, so I did with little intention taking things farther, and I kind of forgot about it.

Suddenly, the next thing I knew, I had a very good offer from eBay Europe to be based in London but traveling Western Europe... an "in" to the corporate world, potential subsidy for my Master's, and an escape route from my Business Year rut of long hours and insults. For one month all I could think about was this option.

Mostly, I didn't think I was ready to give up my nomadic life. The thought of hopping to new countries every six months like my company offered is indescribably appealing to me and the job itself I did like, for the most part... the contacts, working with people, and producing a tangible country report. But this offer in London was truly excellent, provided a more stable option for my future, a better salary, also travel, and let's face it, even in a new country, my old job probably would not change.

I would be reporting to the same boss... the insults would just come via phone calls instead of face-to-face and I would probably quit after one more project, but at that point without a great offer from a multinational. Or maybe if I gave my company another chance it would be great, I'd love it and spend many years traveling the world meeting Prime Ministers, presidents and important people... am I really ready to settle in such a comfortable place as London anyway? I have a problem of getting bored and restless quicker than anyone I know. Don't be fooled by my ability to stay in Turkey for a shocking two years, this was unusual.

And so it went. Were I to have posted a blog entry during that time, you wouldn't have been able to tolerate reading it any more than you enjoyed reading that last paragraph I wrote. In early June, all of this still spinning in my head, I went on a trip to Antalya for work. This was a bit bizarre, people come to Antalya for heavy drinking and holidays, not business.

Despite our location, the trip was stressful and unpleasant and included a CEO who had signed a 45,000-euro contract with me then asked for sex (.... I kid you not...) the month before canceling the contract and denying ever having met me.

He apparently had given a fake signature on the contract and incorrect company details and accused me of making it up. He denied knowing my name, nonetheless having ever insisted on meeting me for lunch on a Saturday for our follow-up business meeting after the interview, purchasing the first opening double of the book, then insisting I spend the night with him and trying to kiss me at the restaurant. Again, minus one for human kind, and the balancing act continues.

And as I was sitting near the seaside, surrounded by palm trees, the Mediterranean and vast and breathtaking mountains, writing transcriptions on my laptop, it somehow occurred to me clearer than it ever was before, that this isn’t actually what it’s about. This is how my life would continue were I to keep on as I was going. I felt very, very alone.

Floating in my head was a jumbled mess of stress, consisting of my canceled contract, my alienated friends, my long hours, my lack of sleep, missing my family, not knowing about my future or my job, my roommate, my cat, my court case, my recently ended relationship and a general kind of dissatisfied empty hole that was caused by all of this... and I realized something had to change.

On the 15 of June I moved out of my flat to my friend Nina's place.... me and all my 2 years of luggage up seven flights of stairs... not a good time, but I had some wonderful friends that helped me. One-up for humans.

On the 17 my Turkey project finally finished. I took a one-week holiday in Bodrum in the South of Turkey with Nina and Sinem at a friend's summer home, then spent ten days in Israel with Mehmet.

That was quite an experience that perhaps I will write more about later. In short, a hot, scorching desert country where soldiers are on every corner, civilians carry M16s and sometimes drop them on buses (true story, very scary!) anyone with a Muslim name, or anyone with someone with a Muslim name, is stopped and interrogated for hours at check points and airports, Palestinians are blockaded in with barbed wire and metal gates, but tourists are let through to visit the poorly-preserved, underwhelming and unimpressive "Holy Land," and the place reeks of militarism and paranoia.

Mehmet and I made the most of things and did have a nice time together as a whole... we had some good hummus, some good times floating around in the Dead Sea and driving around the country laughing at the tough time we were being given, but I think once was enough for Israel.

On June 29 I turned 24. Frightening how time flies. The first week of July I quit my job, days before they were going to send me on my next project in Croatia. It's time for me to move in a different direction--time for a new beginning. Despite months of tearing my hair out over the decision, resigning felt amazing.

Despite my fears, my boss even agreed to give me all my commissions as they trickle in over the coming months. I am now freer than I've been in a long time. An enormous weight was lifted off my chest and before anything had even changed I felt I'd just gotten my life back. I think I made the right decision.

I'm currently living in Nina's place out of my suitcases... I boarded my cat at the vet for just four days while I was moving, since he couldn't come with me. When I visited him after, he was depressed and lifeless, not eating anymore, and I became extremely upset. My intention was to bring him to Switzerland since he can't come to the UK with me, but he needs a 500 lira, 3 month blood test to go to the EU, thus he was homeless just like me.

I asked everyone if they could take him for three months, I was beyond desperate for him, but no one would. I heard every excuse in the book. One-down for human kind. But in the end, the parents of a Turkish girl that Chris works with in Switzerland offered... who would have figured! I brought him to them and spent three hours having Turkish food and lively conversation. They were so wonderful to me, despite me never having met them or their daughter before. Such wonderful people and another huge weight off my chest... plus ten huge points for human kind. I'll come back for Kurabiye in October.

I have now been back from Israel one full week, not working, just finishing up things here to wrap up my interesting and never dull two years in this place. I tend to rush out of countries in the same kind of disorganized whirlwinds that I arrive in, leaving behind a lot of unfinished business... but I'm so happy for the opportunity to just spend some time here doing stupid things like catching up on blog entries, facebook albums, emails that had been kept as new in my inbox for over six months, stupid things like dry cleaning, copies, shoe repairs and getting more pages put in my passport, and very worthwhile things like getting in touch with old friends to say goodbye. I've even started reading a book for fun... a long, long lost pleasure of mine.

On the 18th of July I'll move to London and stay with a friend for two weeks, looking for a flat and figuring out my status a bit more in London, visiting old friends and getting my bearings. I'll spend August back in Istanbul acquiring my UK working permission from the country where I'm a resident with my passport held by the British Consulate, then I will start my new job and the next chapter of my life in September. In the end, I really just hope I will be happy.

And that concludes another session of ranting and rambling, albeit more of the former than the latter. The moral of the story?

Circumstances change, people change, things happen, things don't happen, and life throws all sorts of curve balls and surprises at you, but life goes on. Not in the direction you plan for it to, not always how you wish it would and absolutely never within your control, but it always does and always will until the day we disappear.

As always, thanks so much for reading or skimming or whatever you chose to do. Not sure when I'll write next and from where, so potentially for the last time, kisses from Istanbul!

The Price We Pay for Loving People

2011-01-10T06:19:00.005+03:00

Happy New Year! Yet another one has come and gone, and oh the many things 2010 brought.

It’s been nearly four months since my last entry, which is disgraceful at best, but I’m currently sitting at London Heathrow Airport with a five hour layover (on my way back from Chicago, transfer to Istanbul) so what better time than now for a long-overdue entry?

As I just mentioned, I’m just recently back from my trip HOME for the holidays. This was my first time back to the US in almost a year and a half—it’s so crazy how time flies. Of course I never intended to stay away THAT long, but it’s a matter of saving up the money and, just as difficult, time, to take a trip to the other side of the world. I know people stay away from their families and friends for way longer than me, many of my friends in Istanbul haven’t gone home for two, three, four or more years, but I’ve discovered that I’m not the kind of person that can do that. Following two days of tearful goodbyes and so many strong, conflicting emotions, I find myself questioning exactly what kind of person I am in the first place, really

Remember way back in September of 2009 when I first came to Istanbul? I was seriously depressed for a few weeks. I had fresh memories of my family and friends in my mind, all those glorified visions of home and my old, comfortable life, and my life in Turkey wasn’t anything yet. It’s when people are stuck in that kind of limbo phase that discontentment takes over. My friends from college that are working, traveling, or doing something else satisfying look back positively on college, but do not want to go back… I now also fall into this category. Good times, but I’m past them, they’re over, I’m happy they happened, but am ready to move on. It’s those that couldn’t find jobs, are having rough times in their post-college lives, or are, for whatever other reason, not yet at destination B, that are dreaming of better days in Oxford, Ohio. It’s like that traveling, too.

When I first went to Turkey, everything was exciting, but this died down after a week. Suddenly I was not on a vacation, I was stuck with the reality of the fact that I’d left home for a completely foreign land of which I actually knew much less than I thought about, and did not speak the language or have any friends. This last part was the difference between Turkey and India. No, I didn’t know anyone going there either, but I was immediately surrounded by fellow expats and curious Indians. In Turkey I had to hunt them down. And we won’t even get started on my unsatisfying job. It was natural then that I longed to go back, that I wondered what in the WORLD I was thinking packing up my bags and moving to Turkey. I remember feeling incredibly discouraged and writing in my journal at that time that life just doesn’t work like that. Fortunately my refusal to let myself fail at anything kept me there, and things have turned for the better... exponentially better!

But during times like those, I remember something a guy told me once several years ago… he told me that I have unrealistic expectations of life and people. At the time the comment was dismissed with a simple “eh, you’re an asshole, watch me get what I want and more from this life!” but whenever things aren’t going my way, those words return to me, no matter how much I want to dismiss them.

Fortunately before I had too much time to wallow, things picked up in Turkey. I think this is part of what has made me so very attached to the country- I found myself there, and my success is a product of my hard work, tears, and struggles, so it means so much more. First with Turkish classes, new friends, old visitors, little trips, then the saga of job after job after job which, while not exactly positive, kept me on my toes and never left me without some kind of story to tell. My friends in college used to tell me they think I get myself into uncomfortable situations just to have a good story to tell later. Well, I definitely don’t do it on purpose, but I somehow attract those kinds of situations and events, and they make their way to facebook and my blog without filter, so I guess that’s why I’ve earned a reputation…

Ramble, ramble, ramble. The point of all of this is- I’m there again. I had a wonderful 2.5 weeks at home. I left Turkey on December 16, got in late at night and my sister picked me up from the airport to take me back to her house. My older sister Gina and I were never very close growing up, but that might be the sole result of being forced to share a bathroom as teenage girls. The older we get, the more we seem to understand each other, and the more we start to consider each other friends and seek out each other’s company, which is very new.

Together, with me in Istanbul and Gina in the Chicago suburbs, we planned a surprise party for my parents’ 60^th birthdays this year. Since I couldn’t come home twice this fall and winter, we had to plan it for one week before Christmas, so we decided to throw in the extra surprise of me being there unannounced to my parents

My first Friday and Saturday afternoon back were spent going to places like Target and Chili’s, with me marveling at things like bottomless diet coke (Oh! Diet coke! How I love thee and thine addictive and crisp refreshingness…!) and ranch dressing. Saturday night was the party- a miraculous 50 people showed up despite it being the last Saturday before Christmas, and my parents were SHOCKED! Some of these pictures should convey that!

I was seriously taken aback by how happy they were to see me and the emotions that went around. When I’m living abroad, Skype calls seem enough for me. I miss everyone, but don’t think of going home often- I’m busy, in a new place with new people and new things to worry about, and if I constantly dwelled on the fact that I left something behind, I’d never be able to stay. I guess it’s some kind of survival mode.

But coming home, it all hit me at once. Both of my parents cried. I have only seen my dad cry one other time in his life- it was incredibly touching, almost everyone in the room started tearing up too! I knew I’d be happy to see them and vice versa, but I had no idea how powerful those emotions would be after so long apart. It was a really beautiful thing and I will never, ever forget how that moment felt…

From there on, my break flew by in yet another whirlwind. I find myself comparing blocks of time in my life to whirlwinds quite often, but it’s really so appropriate. Sometimes I wonder if this is just how it goes, and the next thing you know your life just passed you by. All those “youth is fleeting” quotes floating around out there don’t help. In fact, one of my dad’s favorite quotes is, “in every old person there’s a young person wondering what the hell happened.”

And I think I’ve grown up since I left. Or at the very least, my priorities have changed. When I was living at home in high school and over college breaks, I think my family and I just kind of took each other for granted. I figured they’d always be there, and vice versa, so I spent every possible moment out with my friends, and little to no quality time at home. I guess that’s the nature of being a teenager, but now to me it seems so much less important. In the end, it’s your family that’s always there for you, that love you most, that cry for 10 minutes when they see you again just because they’re so happy….

This time no one was taking anyone for granted. After my long absence and my family’s chain of serious health problems this year starting with both of my grandmas’ serious falls, continuing through one grandma’s surgery and the other’s cancer and radiation therapy at the age of 89, and “finishing” with my dad’s 2 week hospital stay in early December, we were all just happy to be together, relatively healthy, and very happy.

I couldn’t get enough of them. I spent the whole first week just with my family. I spent a lot of time at home-exactly as I left it. Every time I so much as passed one of my parents on the stairs or something at home they’d give me a big hug and tell me how good it was to have me back. I haven’t felt so loved for a very long time, and I forgot what that’s like! I’ve been very lucky in my travels, meeting some absolutely amazing people, but nothing compares to this.

Christmas Eve passed at one Grandma’s house with the entire big group of my Dad’s side of the family. I got to meet my new baby cousin and see the everyone, the same way we always used to every year of my life. I thought it’d be strange to be back, but surprisingly it was like I never left. I find when I leave Istanbul for more than a couple days I long to go back, I consider it home, am uncomfortable elsewhere for too long, but Naperville really IS my home, more-so than Istanbul, and it always will be. We all picked up where we left off.

Christmas Day involved a visit to the assisted living home where my other grandma now lives (a very lovely place called “The Devonshire- Exceptional Senior Living” near home) for lunch and the trip to my uncle’s for dinner that has replaced dinner at my grandma’s with her deteriorating health over the past years. Again, just as if I had never left. It’s so good to know it’s possible to do this, that I can come back and feel so at home…

The next week involved most of my nights in Naperville, cooking Indian food for my sister and her husband, a lot of eating out with my parents and shopping for all the little things I’ve so dearly missed, going to the places I always used to go. Chris even surprised me one morning and rented a car to drive out to Naperville (40min or so) at 8:30am, before I got up, to bring me breakfast, a double dirty chai latte (my favorite Starbucks drink) and… wait for it…. a very pretty diamond and rose gold ring! I’m an extremely lucky girl….

I also spent a few of my nights staying with Chris downtown, meeting some of his friends for the first time and spending some time with my old college roommates and friends. The entire break I only spent one night with my friends from Naperville- that’s the only thing that was a little strange. Times change, people change, relationships tend to stay the same… but in that case, it seems as though nothing has changed. They’re still in the same place, doing the same things with the same people. I feel like so much has happened… well, so much HAS happened… and I’ve really changed… and to come back to something so exactly the same and unchanged was a bit strange for me. They’re lovely people and will always be my friends, because we have been for so long, but it just gets harder to relate as time passes and I feel myself veering away from the path we used to share. I did meet with a long-term ex boyfriend of mine, though, which was really great- nice to dip back into my old life that feels so far away now.

Anyway, another perk of my time home was the RUNNING. Oh, how I missed just stepping out my front door and running down the sidewalk, through the neighborhoods, forest preserves, prairie paths… it’s so relaxing, not to mention it’s been a huge part of my life for the past 12 years. It’s become a part of who I am, from Jr. High and High School Cross Country and Track to marathons in college, to the subsequent limiting of my running to a treadmill in Turkey and finally its disappearance with the expiration of my membership. This must be remedied upon returning to Turkey- I’ll go nuts.

I even got in a few runs with Liz, a very good friend of mine and running buddy from the very beginning. There are pictures of the two of us at age 12 racing together, and now pictures of us at 23 in the same places, still together.

Before I knew it, New Years Eve and Day came. It is remarkable how time flies. They say the holidays are the best time to go home, but really I disagree! Of course it was wonderful to be home with my loved ones for the holidays, but in retrospect I think a “normal” 2.5 weeks would have been better. More time to relax, less rush. Of course I would have seen fewer people, but as part of that priority switch, that’s OK with me.

On January second my parents took my sister, her husband, me and Chris to the Salute to Vienna, a concert at Orchestra Hall in downtown Chicago. They love it and went last year (my sister is a music teacher, and her husband is into music as well) and were very excited about six months ago to have gotten tickets for all six of us this year. It was very nice. The concert was followed by a nice dinner out in Little Italy…

Before I knew it, it was Jan 3, my last full day in the States. It was much harder than I anticipated saying goodbye to everyone again. I ran last minute errands with my mom, met Gina and Jon for some Broccoli Cheddar soup at Panera, then Gina and I went to our Grandma’s for some coffee and dessert. I so wanted to go to my grandma’s and learn her amazing recipes from her during my stay, but between her pre-Christmas preparations and houseguests and my post-Christmas packed schedule, it just didn’t work out, and we were both disappointed. I did get to spend a few afternoons there chatting for four hours or more, though, which is the really important part.

After a couple hours of chatting and acquiring her famous soup recipe, it was time for me to go. General rule of thumb- when Grandma cries, I cry, and I cry even harder. Really sad and difficult goodbye with her, immediately followed by another sad goodbye with my sister. Too much! I drove away sobbing and I’m not exactly sure why. I’ll see them again, and hopefully after less time than this last chunk, but I think it’s just that it was so nice for all of us to finally be a complete family, all back together again for a couple weeks, then I went and left again, breaking it up. I didn’t shed a single tear when I left back in 2009. I wonder sometimes why I do this to myself, and these last couple days I’ve been wondering more than usual if what I do is really worth it.

The day only got harder as I started crying having dinner with my parents, and said an extremely difficult goodbye to my other grandma. She’s been in very poor health- the last time I saw her she was living in a condo by herself, walking, and in generally good health for 87. Now she’s 89 and spent most of the past year in a nursing home recovering from various falls. My parents cleared out and sold her old condo, and set her up in assisted living. She’s completely immobile now, and is still regaining her strength and much-needed weight after several months of radiation therapy to treat the eggplant-sized sarcoma they found in her leg after about a year of negligence regarding figuring out what it was.

It’s the same story with my grandpa, her husband. It’s like doctors think that when you’re over 70 your life doesn’t mean as much anymore, and they give extremely lax care. My grandpa was in a similar situation- diagnosed with prostate cancer when it was far too late to do anything about it, it had spread to his bone and eventually ended his life. It would have been so easy to catch earlier with proper care, and could have been treated at that point. He was 90, but his brother died at 107, living in three centuries, 1897-2004 Maybe my grandpa could have done that too! It’s not fair.

I think the last time I said goodbye to my grandma in 2009 pre-Turkey, she thought it would be the last time. Everyone did, apparently, except me. But this time, I was warned by several people, including my sister, who is normally very optimistic, that it most likely is. I don’t want to think like that, though. I can’t think like that. But again, I could tell my grandma thought so, and it broke my heart. She used to tell me when I was in Turkey, almost every time we talked (at least once a week) that she remembers me kneeling next to her chair, giving her hugs and kisses before I left, and it was such a beautiful last memory of me.

Now she’s told me twice since I left her Monday night, both of us crying, that she pictures my tearstained face as I was giving her those last hugs and kisses this week as her last beautiful memory. Not a pretty sight, in my opinion, but I kept telling her we’ll see each other again, that I’ll come back soon. My mom said it was her looking forward to seeing me again this Christmas that kept her going through everything this Fall. I hope if that’s what it takes, that it’ll continue to keep her going for many more years.

The tears from Monday basically didn’t end until I was waiting at my airport terminal Tuesday afternoon after blowing kisses and waving at my crying parents at the airport again. I am an emotional wreck.

I can’t help but think of Matteo’s words to me last February during our tearful goodbye in Taksim Square. I hadn’t expected to cry, and was shocked with how much I did, and how it triggered the same tears from him as we stood there hugging and crying, him wiping the tears from his glasses and me trying to control the smearing eyeliner. I laughed and apologized for my behavior, explaining that I normally don’t cry (because, believe it or not, I don’t. I say a lot of goodbyes, and it’s just not possible to). His response was that you should never, ever apologize for crying, because tears are a beautiful thing- They’re full of love

My dad said something similar as I cried my way home from the nursing home last night. He’s a man of few words, and his were “It’s the price we pay for loving people.”

My flight to London was one of deep introspection. Why DO I do this? I am so lucky to have such a wonderful, loving family, to be so close with them, to share these relationships that we share... but I run to the other side of the world where I can’t possibly find anything comparable to what I have back at home.

I used to swear I’d never move back to the US, that I’d never live there again, the world would never be fully explored, and my travels would never end. But I’ve become painfully aware of something lately that scares me more than I think it seems to affect other people- aging. I see my parents getting older, their health deteriorating. I see my grandma, as we sit and go through her wedding pictures and pictures of her young, happy and smiling, when she was my age, and I see her now, sitting alone in her nursing home waiting for someone to come and wheel her to the dining room for lunch. She tells me, as she looks at her swollen feet and ankles, completely useless to her now, “to think I used to dance.”

I realize that every day I’m away, every year I pass blissfully in oblivious exploration on the other side of the world, my family gets older, things change, I miss things, and likewise I’m missing from their lives. Do I want to miss being in my early twenties with my sister? Her having kids? Do I want to miss the end of my parents middle-aged phase? Can I really miss the end of my grandma’s lives and the birth of new family members? I remember when I first became aware of mortality as a child. I thought everyone was going to die soon. I made “memory boxes” for all my loved ones, one for each grandparent, my parents, and my sister. It had pictures of that person and little things to remind me of them so I’d be prepared. A pessimistic outlook, but since I became aware oh-so-many years ago of human mortality, it’s something that’s scared me since- aging and death.

People tell me all the time they’re jealous of my travels, and that they want this kind of lifestyle too. I always tell them the same thing- anyone can have it, you just have to make sacrifices. I always knew I was sacrificing something, it’s just become all the more obvious to me exactly what that is lately, and I’m not sure when enough is enough or if I’ll know when to draw the line, or I’ll do something I’ll really regret later, one way or the other.

Ultimately we all have to do what makes us happy, and everyone’s different. A favorite quote of mine is “Don’t ask what the world needs; ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who come alive.” The question is, then, figuring out what makes you come alive, and what you really want. And at the moment, I don’t know what that is. Not even close.

I’m sure when I get back to Turkey all will be well, I’ll slide back into my routine… or be thrown into it, actually, I have five meetings at work tomorrow! Eek! I’ll sleep cuddled up with my little cat, I’ll speak Turkish and go vegetable shopping at the produce market, I’ll go to work, meet my friends, chat with my roommate… it’ll all be the same. But part of me wonders whether these very emotional days will stay in the back of my mind, and might guide me elsewhere one day. Don’t worry, I’m not ready to close my travel book just yet, but coming home was a real eye opener. It’s like in order to cope, adapt, and thrive in Turkey, I had to forget part of where I came from and what I left, but now I’m in that limbo of discontent, and I just need to pick a side and make it work for me.

Well, enough about that. Before signing out and grabbing another espresso (have been awake for almost 48 hours now) I suppose I should end this on a more positive note, and mention my new job! I left the last entry with happy comments about being hired, but hadn’t started yet! In fact, I think I was in London the last time I wrote, too, with my visa issues!

In short- I love it. FINALLY a job that really is exactly what I’ve been searching for. If I could design a job for myself, it would be something like this! Basically, it’s a British international media organization, a yearly publication that’s print in more than 30 countries annually, with field teams traveling country to country every four to six months to do the research and interviews necessary to complete the book. One year ago I was wasting away with Hakan Bey (sounds like a catchy song title?) and now I have a driver, the car for personal use on nights and weekends, a secretary with a Master’s from London School of Economics, and they even pay my rent! Basically, I’m up and about in the city all day, going place to place meeting people, which is a MUCH more social, interactive and Kristen-appropriate job than any of my others.

At the moment, I’m setting up meetings with the CEOs and Chairmen of big companies, foreign and Turkish, operating in the Turkish market. The book will be separated into sector-based chapters at the end, based on the major industries in the economy. So I set up the meetings, from the office or, more often than not, on my cell phone from the car on my way to other meetings (unlimited cell phone plan, too!). My editor, a British guy named Peter, and I go… I introduce the company, our current project, etc, Peter does the interview, then I go back alone to go over the transcript and offer advertising in the book as sponsorship for our research. In the end, once all of our interviews (goal- 200, 70% of the book) are done, we’ll both work on writing the articles and analyses with our larger team in the Istanbul office. It’s perfect. Plus I got to start out writing for the UK book, which was finishing up as I started work, so I even had my name published in it!

Of course I’m still learning, but that’s what’s great about it. I’m learning, I’m challenged, and I enjoy it. I was waiting for so long for SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE to say, “Hey, so you don’t have a Business degree, big deal, we see potential in you, come work for us.” And finally that’s happened. I applied for the editor job, actually, but they told me my personality is better suited to the Country Director (that’s what my business cards say!!!!) position, and even though I don’t have experience, they’ll train me and think I have potential. It’s great… plus it pays literally four times what I used to make, plus 8% commission on my sales! One page of advertising costs €24,000, back page €78,000, etc, so it’s not a bad deal, especially with free rent thrown in there, too!

Speaking of, I moved AGAIN. My second roommate went even more crazy than the first (Princess Water Lilly)- big disaster, long story short my German roommate and I both moved out. We hang out every weekend, at least for brunch, but neither of us kept in touch with the Turkish girl whose dad owned the place.

Now I live with Brooks- the first time in Turkey I KNOW for a FACT my roommate is not a psycho, which is so great. I wrongly took this for granted before. Plus Brooks works from home, and he has another cat, Tsitsush, so Kurabiye has company all day. It’s really perfect, and I just needed a place for a few months before I go! Lesson learned: Don't find roommates on the internet.

In March the Turkey 2011 project will conclude, and I’ll be off to another country for 4-6 months, then back to Turkey for 3 weeks, another country 4-6 months, etc…most likely. I say most likely because of the nature of this job. We’re contractors, basically, all of us, hired on a project-by-project basis. People have been flown out from England, worked a week, and been sent back, people come from everywhere to interview, and field teams change constantly. Maybe it’s the pessimist somewhere deep inside of me, but I’m only half confident with my job security still. But we’ll see- this has the potential to be such a perfect thing, and I love going to work and doing it… granted, it would be even better if there was a bit less of it (I work 8am – 7pm on an average day) but alas, small compromise for a truly satisfying job.

And with that, I should cut off- I’ve since moved from the airport to the plane, and we took off some time ago. Breakfast (my second of the day!) is on its way down the aisle.

Another very long entry full of ranting and rambling but again, no one can say they weren’t disclaimed- it’s clearly stated in the title of the blog. :-)

Thanks for reading, as always, and I wish you all a very, very happy, healthy and prosperous new year, filled with happiness, love, family, friends, and the peace and clarity of mind that I consistently fail to achieve! It will certainly be interesting to see what 2011 brings, anyway...

Kisses from an airplane somewhere over Europe…

My Whirlwind Year in Constantinople

2010-09-21T15:59:00.005+03:00

Hello from a sunny, September afternoon in Istanbul! It’s been more than two months since I last wrote … the longest gap I’ve ever had between entries!

Basically, my entire summer has flown by at record speeds. It’s unbelievable how fast life is passing me by. It has now been almost thirteen months since I left Chicago for Istanbul. That makes over one year since I’ve seen my family, my friends, my house, and my city!

I’ve become aware lately that the entirety of my post-graduation life has been here in Turkey, which puts me in a strange position. I was so critical last year when “escaping” the US of settling in one place at such a young age. But now I find myself basically doing the same thing, just on the other side of the world! Everyone has “character-building experiences,” and makes new friends and professional contacts after college… I just did the same thing in Istanbul that most of my friends did in Chicago. Not so different after all, at the end of the day.

And really, I’m alarmingly comfortable in this city. The girl who thought she could never satisfy her wanderlust and settle in any one place is now quasi-settling in Istanbul! It goes right back to that amazing capability we all have of adapting to new circumstances. No matter where we are, it becomes normal, no matter what we do, it becomes a routine, and no matter the setting, we’ll always find the things that are important to us, and hold on to that. This is part of what makes traveling so difficult for the adventure-seeker in me—I adjust to things so fast, it’s not new and exciting anymore after about a week. And by a year later, I’ve fully adjusted, decently speak the language, know my way around, have created my “network” and am completely, almost dangerously, comfortable.

But there’s something about this city that has nothing to do with me becoming or not becoming a more complacent and boring individual. I’ve had discussions with numerous expat (and Turkish) friends about Istanbul and its uncanny ability to suck people in and make them want to do nothing else with the rest of their lives. They take jobs they’re not crazy about just to be here, and then suddenly decades pass… I think it’s just because Istanbul can be whatever you want it to be. Ancient history, modern Europe, night clubs, mosques, shopping malls, Byzantine castles, and the sea.

But I cannot let this happen to me! It’s time for me to begin mentally detaching myself from Istanbul before I lose track of time, five years pass, I’ve acquired a gang of street cats in my home, and I can officially be classified as “that creepy foreign cat woman.”

As with any anniversary of anything semi-notable, taking time to look back and reflect on how far one has come is in order. One year ago, I was sitting miserably in the United Towers office, complaining about Hakan Bey. I was feeling confused and lonely, writing frustrated entries in my blog, and wondering what the hell I was doing here… or anywhere, for that matter. When I think back to all of that, it seems like a kind of eternity ago. Then I think of how far I’ve come, how many amazing people have come into (and often too-soon out of) my life, how many not-so-amazing people have done the same, Erasmus parties with my Italians, my first few Euro-trips, sipping tea and talking about life, all the thousand jobs I’ve had… and I have this strange surreal feeling about it all.

But before I get myself lost in all of this, I’ll wrap it up with saying that I’m completely satisfied with my last year here. In fact, I couldn’t be more satisfied. It’s not how I thought things would go, not how I thought I would end up, but things rarely go as you plan them to, and they’d be boring if they did. All of it… from the freezing nights in my Kurtulus apartment last winter with no heat, mold growing around me on the walls, and a superabundance of New Zealanders, to the unforgettable conversations over narghile with great friends from all over the world. Thinking about all this just makes me excited for what’s yet to come. Where in the world will I be one year from now and what will I be doing? Pretty soon I won’t be such a fledgling expat anymore, though, that’s for sure!

So, back to “reality.” As you may know, I’ve been traveling a lot lately. But in terms of going to new and exciting places, I haven’t quite done that. Within the world of international travelers, I suppose I’ve been somewhat uncharacteristically a creature of habit this year. My trips have been largely people-centered, over place-centered, but I HAVE visited eight countries in the last year! So after my 10-day Balkan Adventure in June, and various visitors to Istanbul (Emily from college, and Liz, from Jr. High School… so crazy mixing worlds!), I went back to Switzerland in mid-July to see Chris.

The trip began with just a few days in Veltheim, the now oh-so-familiar, picturesque Swiss countryside village (see above) where I spent Christmas and part of my spring vacation. Mid-week, Chris flew me down to Torino, in Northern Italy. Always fun to fly in these little 4-person planes, and beautiful over the Alps, but I did get a little motion sickness this time! He dropped me off in Italy, where I spent one week with Matteo, my long-lost Italian Erasmus friend from Istanbul, for his graduation. It was so wonderful to see both Matteo and Lorenzo again, as well as the enormous crew of other Italians that made their way to Istanbul and into my life over the past year, all together again. I’ve been adding some pictures into this blog entry, but you can see the rest in my facebook album here!

Italian graduation ceremonies involve the presentation of the graduation candidate’s thesis to a board of professors, in front of a room full of people, then approval to graduate. Following the ceremony, festivities include practical jokes played on the graduate by his/her friends (like Matteo being dressed up like a girl), and a whole lot of parties, wine (homemade by his dad, see bottle below!!), and appertivi in the piazza (also pictures below). The whole week was a lovely escape into a charming Italian life, full of new and old people and new and old places.

After my week in Torino, Chris picked me up for a vacation on the Ligurian coast for a few days, where we just relaxed on the lovely beach (minus a minor jelly fish sting, which was not so relaxing at all). It was great to just have some time to spend together away from everything and everyone…. Followed by (surprise) some more time in Switzerland! I’m getting quite well acquainted with these places.

I found myself back in Istanbul at the very end of July. Since I had moved into the new apartment in Beşiktaş just one day before taking my trip, I basically started over right then.

My new roommate, Berhan, must have thought I was a complete nut (but she’s cool- 25 year old Turkish English teacher from Ankara... she loves cats and babysat Kurabiye for me while I was gone!). I showed up with tons of stuff and some Kurdish male friends to help me move, didn’t sleep that night, dropped my cat, and then left the next morning while she was sleeping! Princess Water Lilly, my old roommate, never gave me the 350 TL ($232) she owed me at the end. Most of my friends saw this coming, but somehow I really believed she would just be honest, and give me half my rent back as promised.

It was supposed to be one of those mutual agreement things—I hate you, you hate me, I want to get out ASAP, you want me out ASAP, so you’ll give me ½ my rent back so I can afford to move out mid-month and we can both get on with our lives. Worked great until I moved out mid-month and saw none of that ½ of the rent for the rest of the month… then had to pay ½ a month’s rent in my new apartment. I wasn’t staying in either one of these apartments for these two weeks, I was in Europe, but paid for two Turkish homes during this time. At least in my excessive wealth I have so much spare cash floating around that I can afford such things. Ahem, ahem. :-/ As my dad said, it cost that much to get rid of her, now I'll never hear from her again. He has a point, I guess, but I'd prefer my money and the occasional obligatory coffee date. Ha.

SO got back to my brand new flat. Turkish roommate and kitty intact, though Kurabiye, my little cat, fell out a 4^th story window while I was gone, and was still recovering! Anyway, things took off fast from there, catching up on work (though I did work while on my trip as well, including one day on the beach of Italy where I sat in the hotel, staring out the window and working for 5hrs before allowing myself to go to the beach), seeing everyone again, and checking things off of my enormous, ever-growing to-do list.

After about a week of that, Chris came to Istanbul for one week, and then I went back to Switzerland AGAIN on less than 24 hours notice, for about another 10 days. The way there was my worst airport nightmare ever, and I feel I should share. One of those things that when I tell people, it generally warrants a response along the lines of, “only you.”

To start with, I missed the bus to the airport, so I took a taxi there (though convinced the guy to take me there for just 30 TL [$20] which is not bad!). Waited in line 30min at Swiss Air where they told me, once I reached the front, that it was a joint Swiss-Turkish flight, and I should go to Turkish for check-in. Went there, and waited in an enormous line for over one hour, because it was lunch time and only two check-in stations were open for the long, winding line of people. Made it to the front, only to be informed I’d missed check-in by six minutes. Crying in an attempt to generate pity got me nowhere (airline rep was a woman) so I quickly gave that up too. I then realized that, since I had just a backpack and no luggage to check, I could have checked-in WITHOUT waiting in that big line, and could have gone straight in. Ugh. Sometimes I think my life is some kind of sick joke.

SO went to wait in line at ticket changes/sales for Turkish Airlines. After 45min of waiting, they informed me that all ticket changes for me would be with Swiss Air. WHAT?! Another sick joke! Anyway, long story slightly less long, I wound up somehow getting on the next flight to Zurich, despite being 9^th on the waiting list, running to the terminal, and texting Chris from some German guy’s cell phone, literally as the plane was taking off, that I would be at Zurich at 4:30pm, not Basel at 2pm. Disaster! (Though he quite commendably still made it there to pick me up upon arrival!)

The only perk? Somehow with my 35 Euro flight change fee I was upgraded to first row business class for my three hour flight… which then included unlimited champagne and a full meal with real silverware, plates, and napkins! No plastic or paper! It was thus, finally, a lovely flight filled with free booze flowing openly, and an entertaining episode of Tom and Jerry (that show is amazing, me and that German guy were laughing out loud).

After spending about 10 days in Switzerland, and thus most of the summer traveling, I got back to Istanbul in the end of August. It was a huge relief to just be back to my home base again, as much as I love traveling. Here's the link to my entire album of the Swiss summer vacations, if you're interested!

Now, upon settling back in Istanbul at last, I decided to start sending out my CV again. Why? I have no idea. Honestly, I think I just wanted a self-esteem boost, to see if I could get a job, or at the very least some interview practice, with no intention of changing my current jobs. But in the end, completely unexpectedly and completely different from the results of my job-search last March, I wound up applying for 4 jobs and getting interviews for them all. In the end, these four interviews turned into second-round interviews, and even fourth-round interviews, and I wound up with three offers, and one that’s supposed to get back to me by the end of this week. I turned down two, despite one offering me a salary double of that which was originally offered, to meet my request (made just to push my limits in an interview for a job I was not interested in taking), and showing genuine, persistent interest in hiring me. That was strange. I’ve had interviews. Sometimes they like me, sometimes they don’t, sometimes I get jobs, sometimes not, but I’ve never had someone pursue me so actively and want me to join so badly. It was more than a little strange.

The third of these jobs, however, turned out to unexpectedly be my dream job. I had replied with my CV, a cover letter, etc etc, to a company looking for an international business journalist. The company turned out to be a publication known as The Business Year, which does the exact same thing as Oxford Business Group, that job I applied for last April. I applied for the international journalist position to be a writer/ editor. After my first of four interviews, however, they told me they think my personality is better suited to the country director and advertising coordinator position. Director WHAT? I reluctantly agreed to pursue my interviews for that position, and in the end they made me an offer for the position, and I’ve accepted! Who saw THIS coming?!? The salary is quite good… almost quadruple my original salary here in Turkey one year ago, plus 8% commission on the expensive advertisements I’ll be selling as part of the job, and free accommodations! Um may I also add I will get a driver, translator, and SECRETARY to share with one other person? Hell, I’ve BEEN the secretary for the last year, for all intents and purposes.

SO basically I will begin working on October 4. I will start with the Turkey project, which will last 5 to 8 months… we will produce a book on the economy, politics, investment climate, etc etc, by conducting interviews, doing research, and writing about it all. When the book finishes next winter/spring, I’ll be moved to another country for 5-8 months (right now it looks like Brazil, the UK or Malaysia), followed by 2 weeks of production back in Istanbul, after which I’ll be off to the next country! It’s like my dream job!! And to think I applied for interview practice with zero intent to take the job!

I will try to continue my writing job in California, in addition to this one. I might die of stress, but since the Turkey project is basically a training project for the first half anyway, and I’ll have nights and weekends outside of my new ::gulp:: 9-6 job (adios, social life) I see few reasons, aside from my general sanity, why I can’t do both, save up a bunch of cash, and start really paying off this college loan that’s been in forbearance since March. As the Turks say—inshallah!

This week I’m leaving Istanbul for London to visit some friends… my visa and residency will be expiring on Saturday, so I’ll leave and come back. After that, on Oct 1, I’ll have the option to move to Kuruçeşme, about 15 minutes farther from the city center than I am now. There I’ll have free accommodations in a very nice area right on the sea. If I can bring my cat, I might do it, as it’ll save me thousands of dollars over the next months, but I’m not sure… because for ONCE I really like my roommates, Berhan the Turkish girl from Ankara, and Nina, a German girl from Munich. The apartment isn’t amazing, but my room is very cute, my roommates are great, and my cat is well loved and accepted for once. We’ll see. My life is suddenly full of so many decisions… and I guess this means I’m putting off my Master’s another year too. Good idea, bad idea, I don’t know, but basically my reason for doing a Master’s was going to be to get an awesome job, and I may or may not have just done that anyway….

So anyway, life has been going by in a complete whirlwind. European travels, catching up with work and friends, summer trips, job interviews and offers, and now a new career (yes! It’s a career! I even get health insurance!!! :-0!!) and the end of my time in Istanbul in sight. It’s all so crazy! And I have so many mixed feelings. Still, I think it’s safe to say I’m better off than a year ago, and for that I’m happy.

And with that I’ll cut off!! The pictures throughout the entry are from this summer, some in Istanbul, some in Europe, all of them good memories, but not necessarily coordinated with where I wrote about them.... the pictures are bigger than the space I write! . :-)

I’ll hopefully write another entry after not-too-long, so months don’t slip by again with no word from my end of the world! As always, keep the emails coming from your end too… not everyone spills their emotions all over the Internet, and I respect this. :-) Thanks for reading as always!

Kisses from Istanbul! <3 <3 <3 <3

Balkan Adventure and the Month of June

2010-07-18T19:36:00.005+03:00

Hello again, after a long time! I’m currently in Torino, Italy for my beloved Matteo’s graduation…. And it’s been about a month and a half since I last updated this blog! I actually started an entry while on a bus in Bulgaria in early June, so I’ll start with that and expand as necessary :-)

Greetings from a bus in the middle of nowhere, Bulgaria! No, I didn’t somehow tap into some unknown source of WiFi, just typing in a word doc, to be uploaded to the blog later. I’m currently on my way back to Istanbul after a 12 day Balkan Adventure (emphasis to be added with Capital Letters) so I’m using this time for something semi-productive.

Two Saturdays ago (May 29) I jet off to Bucharest to begin this long-awaited (yet almost alarmingly unplanned) trip with Emily, a friend of mine from college. I actually find few people I consider to be truly “travel compatible” with me… but Emily is one of them. We met studying in Italy back in 2007 and remained friends in Oxford, OH for the next 2 years, but hadn’t seen each other since graduation over a year ago. She’s living in Paris, I’m in Istanbul, the Balkans are cheap, we’re both poor, so voila. A Balkan Adventure of sorts was plotted.

While Balkan travel is cheap, the most economic way for me to get to Bucharest, our chosen starting point, would have meant days and days on a bus or train that resembles (or might be) one of the first ever in operation and lacks all comfort and sanitation. OK, I’m no spoiled brat, I’ve slept in the dirt on mountains in Guatemala and on even less comfortable overnight trains in India, but this was just not something I wanted to subject myself to for 48+ hours if at all avoidable. So I found a plane ticket for around $160, booked it, and was off.

When I landed in Bucharest, I had just a piece of paper that said “YMCA Universitaria Youth Hostel- pay no more than 40 RON from Otopeni airport.” So first mission- find a taxi to said hostel to meet Emily, who had arrived a few hours earlier. Of course the airport taxies were shocked that I had the audacity to assume they could make even a mere profit from anything less than 150 RON for the trip. And with no knowledge of Romanian, there was zero hope for me to identify myself as anything other than an “ignorant tourist” of sorts, and no deal was to be had.

As I was beginning to wander off to find a bus or something, a guy ran over from the mob of sleazy taxi drivers and asked how much I’d pay. I said 30, he said 60, I said 40, he said OK, and we walked off into the parking lot. It wasn’t until two minutes later when we reached his run down c. 1990 Buick that I realized he wasn’t any kind of taxi driver at all. Stupid me! And of course when I told him there was no way that was happening, he explained he just wanted to help me because I remind him of his daughter. If I had trusted him just a little before that point, all of that was shot to hell with the standard “my daughter” comment. Ha!

So I got on a bus. Which bus? I have no idea. No one around spoke English, so I just picked a crowded one and hoped it would take me to the center. One hour later I found myself standing in a forested area on the side of the road- the last stop. Attempt one, failure. Of course when it started pouring 2 minutes later, it became somewhat of a double failure. So I eagerly hopped on the next bus to pass by, and miraculously found myself in the city center 40 minutes later. I was lucky enough to meet a girl and a guy about my age that spoke English…. They didn’t know the hostel or the address, but they called the number I had for the hostel, got directions, called a cab for me, explained to the driver, and sent me off. What nice people!! I was conveniently traveling with some pieces of Turkish ceramics I picked up for exactly such occasions, so I left them with a thousand “THANK YOU”s and a hand painted ceramic piece, and in 10min I was at the hostel. I would say something like “and now our adventure begins”…. But I think it had already begun at this point…

When I walked into the room, shockingly just for the two of us, not us and 15 other travelers (most of whom snore, as I know from experience) Emily and I had our Grand Reunion (also warranting capital letters). It wasn’t until about three hours of chatting later that we decided leaving the hostel might be a worthwhile thing to consider, despite the rain.

We were supposed to stay in Bucharest for three nights, two days. We figured it’s a big city; there will be a lot to do. Untrue. What we found instead was that Bucharest was a rather depressing, gray, post-communist city, with nothing terribly interesting to do, and no “food culture,” and thus nothing to eat, anywhere. We had our first bite to eat more than 24 hours after arriving to the country, and only after a commendable search. There were some sites to see, but we had basically covered them halfway through our first full day. So, quite hungry and a bit bored, we decided to hit the road a day and a night early and head to Brasov, our next destination city.

Brasov is a picturesque little mountain village about three and a half to four hours away from Bucharest. What we didn’t know was how difficult it was going to be to get ourselves to said fairy tale town, nor that the trend of unreliable transportation was only beginning as far as our trip was concerned. After receiving incorrect directions from a number of particularly unhelpful individuals, we found ourselves 10min before bus departure, at the wrong bus station. A very helpful Romanian tour bus driver, however, came to the rescue, driving just the two of us in his giant bus to the right station, telling the people working there what we wanted, pointing to a stoop and saying “SIT THERE” and disappearing in his giant tour bus again. A little embarrassing, but woo hoo! And with that we were off on a mini-bus to the mountains.

The trip wound up being four or five hours of alarmingly fast and reckless driving in terrible thunderstorms. Emily and I began by consuming the stale bread, disappointing cream cheese, and flat diet coke we bought from the grocery store, and finished the trip holding hands and weeping in fear (eh, slight exaggeration), but we arrived. And the town was lovely! After asking for directions, two policemen helped us find our hostel by taking us in their car (again, it pays to be a young female sometimes) … though we then had to agree to meet them later for drinks, didn’t go, and ran into the same policemen 4 more times in the next few days, receiving angry glares. We forgot about this “small town” thing. Ugh.

Anyway, our hostel was owned by a 23 year old girl and her boyfriend. They took us out for dinner with another girl, actually from Chicago (small world) that was staying there, then the guy said he had a friend that owned a bar and we could drink for free, so off we all went. It wasn’t as irresponsible as it sounds.

Upon arriving at the bar, however, we realized it was way out of the city center, and the name was “SALSA LAP DANCE.” Hah. And it was exactly that: a strip club, with the first page of the menu pictured here. I had never been to anyplace remotely like this before… and after a bizarre, bizarre night (won’t go into details) we wound up back in the hostel, and transferred to the hotel my uncle had originally booked for us the next morning to begin a normal day of sight-seeing. The town was beautiful- full of cute cafes and old medieval remnants, like the Black Cathedral, and was completely surrounded by forests and mountains. We discovered later the place is actually known for fatal bear attacks! You can read about some of them here or here. Crazy stuff! But we think that also goes with the fairy tale atmosphere of the town, so that's OK.

After another day in Brasov, my uncle Giancarlo (actually the youngest brother of my Grandma, who is the oldest of 16 kids) came to get us with his friend Bogdan. We spent the day going to Castle Bran (Dracula’s Castle) and Castle Peles, before returning to the village where he lives. Cute village, and we were put up in absolutely the nicest hotel there. We were shocked, and sooo out of our element, as frequent hostel-visitors. There were even chocolates on the pillows!! Spent the next four days hanging out with him and his friends all-expenses-paid, which involved a lot of Italian food at a restaurant called La Dolce Vita, and a lot of vodka and night clubs. Oooh, Eastern Europe. So far, it had lived up to all its stereotypes. We also met up with Elizabeth, the girl from our hostel in Brasov, again, as she happened to be in Sibiu as well! My uncle also hand-painted his entire apartment there, which was gorgeous…. The pictures here are of his apartment:

Our last night there, we went out to the clubs, got in around 5am, took a quick shower, and took a 6am bus to Timisoara. Our original plan had been to go stay with my friend Mira for a night or two, but we decided to hurry on to Belgrade to catch the Saturday nightlife. What we didn’t realize until we arrived in Timisoara, is that the busses to Belgrade only run on Tuesday and Friday, and it was Saturday. There is only one train, and it leaves at 5:30am.

After wandering around in the heat until we were practically delirious, the only advice we’d received from anyone was to catch a bus to the border than hitchhike into Belgrade. Two 22 year old girls hitchhiking Romania to Serbia…. not happening. We finally discovered a mini-bus company that would take us there for something like 25 Euro… expensive, but whatever, we were desperate. We took it, and despite the two of us having some problems at the border due to too-light stamps on our passports from the Romanian airport (we’d noticed this, actually, and were pissed because it looked like we had one less stamp, and we’re collecting, ha) we made it and, starving, stopped to eat first at the station before moving on.

After walking around the center a bit, we met up with Emily’s friends, a British guy and a Serbian guy, that took us to their apartment to shower before heading out for the night to some clubs on the river. Nice bars, but I was starting to feel a little bit sick, so I didn’t drink and turned in early. By the end of the night I was feeling very sick, and the next morning I was miserable. This then led to me spending the next day and a half in bed, not eating anything, not drinking anything, and not keeping any medicine down. Sigh. I blame the train station chicken sandwich. Finally semi- recovered and was able to do some meager sightseeing in Belgrade before we hopped a train to Sofia, Bulgaria. So much for Serbia…

Train ride was pretty miserable, as I was still feeling extremely sick, and on a ten hour overnight train is the last place I wanted to be. Plus some old guy sharing our cabin, watching us sleep (I kid you not- and shamelessly at that), shook my hand on his way out… then re-considered and just grabbed my face to pinch my cheeks. Ew. Why do these things always happen to me??? Emily was not surprised, either. Finally arrived in Sofia... Em and I decided we could have ridden our bikes faster than this train, though... where I picked up some meds from a pharmacy and we met my friend Alex, a guy that had lived in my apartment in India before me, and I met through mutual friends in Turkey in September of last year.

Alex put us up in his very-nice apartment, and we spent several days seeing the city and the nightlife of Sofia with a local tour-guide at our disposal. Lucky us! I still wasn’t feeling so hot, though, and the fact that we ate sushi, Starbucks, and Indian food (again, no food culture, even Alex didn’t know where we could get traditional Bulgarian food!) probably didn’t help. He did make us breakfast in bed, though (see picture) and was an excellent tour guide. Not sure we would have been so crazy about Sofia otherwise, but we had a very good time there! Finally we said our goodbyes, hopped on a bus, and head back into Turkey. And that’s where I wrote the beginning part of this entry.

Emily stayed with me in Istanbul for a few days, and her boyfriend came to meet her from France. I basically had to work, to catch up for the time I was away and finish a new project conveniently thrown at me right then. Spent the whole first week back working non-stop. But it's not so bad, even when I'm swamped with work, because I still work from Brooks' apartment- my co-worker for the writing job I'm doing for a company in the US. It makes it SO much better to work with someone else- and I usually get homemade lunch, too, so it's quite a good deal! I've met some really incredible people since I came to Turkey- one way in which I've always been lucky in my travels- meeting amazing, interesting people, with amazing, interesting stories. The second week back things slowed down, and I discovered a roof-top pool at the hotel where I go to the gym, and began spending my afternoons working from there, getting a tan and sipping drinks. Not a bad deal! I love being able to work from wherever I have Internet! This job finally gives me some flexibility.

But things were still incredibly busy… plus it was World Cup time! I don’t care about soccer, nor have I ever, or will I ever, but I will not deny that going out with a bunch of crazy Europeans to drink beer and hang out is fun, and I cannot decline such an invitation. I found this held true even for 14 consecutive days. Bad choice, I know, but everyone was kinda hiding for the winter, but suddenly it’s summer, and everyone is back and out! Started meeting a ton of new people as well, which has been great, and even a bunch of Americans- surprisingly refreshing after so long. I haven’t met with anyone from AIESEC or my original group since I moved the first week of May. I’m officially just an American expatriate living in Turkey- not a part of any organization or group. Sweet.

And so June passed… work-run-go out- work- run- go out, but sometimes even the running suffered, as going out is more fun that running on a treadmill like a hamster, and I didn’t always have time for both. Wish I could run outside in Turkey. My birthday came at the end of the month. Nothing exciting… went to work at the Chamber of Commerce as every Tuesday, and it was m boss’ birthday too. So we went out for a nice lunch at the palace nearby the office, had cake, and took some lame pictures shaking hands in front of Turkish and American flags. Went out with some French and Kurdish friends of mine for the evening for tea and narghile, and that was that. I’m another year older- 23! :-/ Life continues to fly by. I did get these lovely flowers from Chris, though!! :-D

Things at the Chamber of Commerce have been very interesting. I love this job! Too bad it doesn’t pay me. I have one job that’s interesting, fun, and rewarding, and one that pays. Maybe one day I can have one job that is both! Inshallah. We’ve had a bunch of cool speakers from the U.S. Department of Transportation, Obama’s Cabinet, we had the director of World Bank Turkey, and quite a few more. Makes me feel important to attend these luncheons, dinners, fancy parties and events, even though I’m usually just there with my laptop, taking notes and writing reports the next day. :-)

Another Fourth of July came and went with me not in the U.S. for independence day, but this year I celebrated with an invite- only (ahem, ahem! Ha) party at the U.S. consulate, which was extremely nice. Thank you, U.S. citizens, for paying your taxes to fund this event.

Also in the beginning of July, Liz, one of my best friends from home (we ran Cross Country and Track together from ages 12-18, then marathons during college!) came to visit me in Istanbul. The first person from my old Naperville life to make it out to Istanbul!!! She stayed for a week, and despite the fact I had to work and had a thousand things going on, we had a really nice time!! So strange when my worlds cross like this!! Plus I like playing tour guide. So anyone is welcome to visit me! Chrys, a Greek friend of mine, also came to visit…. The first time we’d seen each other since I left India two years ago, which was cool, and we had a mini-reunion with Egemen, our Turkish roommate from “back in the day.”

Liz left on Friday night, July 9, I spent Saturday catching up on work and running errands, and Sunday I moved to a new apartment. In the old apartment, my beloved little kitten (who is doing just wonderfully and is as cute as ever) had to stay locked up in my room… plus my apartment-mate and I were just NOT getting along… she lived there 6 years alone before deciding to take a roommate, and I think she was just quite used to things being exactly her way. She wanted a source of income, not a roommate. So I was off after two months there, half of which I was traveling and half of which I was being yelled at by Princess Water Lily (her name is Nilufer- which means water lily in Turkish, so this was her nickname :-)). Here are some pictures of the old flat and my giant bedroom, though… it was very, very nice. Oh well, such is life.

Moving was an enormous hassle as always, because I’ve accumulated an unbelievable amount of crap since coming to Turkey. And I came here with a lot of crap, too. It’s obscene. Fortunately I had big, strong Turkish men help me the past two times I moved, for which I am extremely grateful. Couldn’t have done it on my own- would have died. Spent Monday unpacking and settling in, before packing up again Tuesday night to come to Europe for another little vacation. My new roommate, Berhan, another Turkish girl, loves kittens and is taking care of my little guy while I’m gone. I miss him terribly, actually!!! It’s like he’s my child!

I started out in Switzerland for a few days with Chris, am now in Italy for Matteo’s graduation, and will wind up back in Switzerland again next week. I paid 25 Euro for my ticket here, but cannot find a ticket back for less than about 200 Euro ($300), so I’m holding off…. I don’t know why, as if I think they’ll get cheaper? But I can’t afford to go back to Turkey yet! Will go back when I can afford it!

And with that, I’m off. I’m typing in a word document still, and we’re over five pages… plus I’ll add some photos ... So this will be yet another super-long entry! I’m sure no one is surprised. And just in case you're interested, the rest of my Balkan pictures can be viewed here, in Album 1 and Album 2, and more pictures of my kitten here!!

Grazie for reading, as always, and updates from this most recent Euro-adventure are coming soon! :-D

Antics from a Long-Lost Expat

2010-05-31T13:07:00.001+03:00

Merhaba! After six long weeks, I've finally gotten around to writing another entry! Just to clear up all confusion, I am not dead, nor was I ever at any point, and things are, believe it or not, going quite well. Basically everything in my life, aside from my city, has turned around 360 since my last entry way back in mid-April! SO, I'll start from there and be as concise as possible. ;-) May the updates commence!

When I left off, I was living in Kurtuluş, teaching English lessons, and generally depressed by my complete lack of direction. Everyone tells you to just go out and do what you want to do, because even if you fail, at least you tried. What "they" don't tell you, is that the failing part of that equation is not so easy to swallow. I found myself just trying to figure out my path out here, but when I don't know my final destination, it's not so easy. Regardless, I wasn't ready to let this boat sink quite yet.

As I mentioned, I had an interview on the 15th of April with the American Business Forum in Turkey, affiliate of the American Chamber of Commerce. The office is in the Ritz Carleton Hotel in Beşiktaş, which is quite a worthy venue, if I do say so myself. The interview went well, and I was offered an internship there. The catch? Unpaid. As was to be expected, I suppose. I find that the most worth-while things that will give the best experiences and be the most interesting do not have to pay young people like me. As long as there are people willing to work for free, which there are for the "valuable experiences," they really have no reason to pay anyone. I suppose it's simple logic- why hire labor when you can get it free? But regardless, it's not fair, and the New York Times agrees. http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/03/business/03intern.html

I accepted the internship, but I only work on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I figure it's something quite relevant to my interests, which will most likely be relevant to what I want to do for a career when I decide on one, and that's something.

I'm a communications/ media relations intern, so I'm dealing with the member companies, all huge American firms. I have also gotten to go to all sorts of cool events, like breakfast networking events at the Consul General's residence, meetings, debates, and speeches on various political issues affecting American businesses here and Turkey-US relations, and even a speech by the head of the US Chamber of Commerce's antitrust organization, which was followed by the two of us going to the Swissotel for drinks, dinner, and hours of political debates (he was super conservative) and discussions about life and direction (much needed advice, even if from a republican). After all these events I write up reports, published in newsletters that go to the heads of all our member companies. Pretty cool, anyway, and getting dressed up to go to all these fancy events makes me feel important. You know what they say- fake it 'til you make it! :-)

All-in-all, my responsibilities there are much like those at the Swiss Consulate last summer. The fact that my jobs have shown any kind of thematic repetition is encouraging for me... I feel as though things are taking some direction, even if that direction is only a bit of consistency. I enjoy my work there, my colleagues are great, we have an amazing view from our Ritz Carleton office window of the Hagia Sofia, the Blue Mosque, Topkapı Palace, etc, etc, and I get free Ritz Carleton lunch every day I'm there, so life could be worse. :-)

The day after my interview at the Chamber of Commerce I went back over to the Hürriyet (newspaper) office to discuss things there. Still no money, unfortunately, but it's the largest media agency in Turkey, the equivalent of the NYT or Washington Post in the US, also distributed in Europe, so publishing articles in it is pretty cool. Again, I find myself with that "valuable experience" bit. I spoke with two other people there that are in charge of the City Beat section of the paper (before I was writing for the Educational section), and have since written a few articles for them on events going on in the city, which I also attend, and have even done some interviews with authors and film directors, complete with my own photography team. Again, cool thing, but no money in it.

The perk? They're starting a new section on the South of Turkey, and want to send some reporters/ writers down there to do interviews and articles, and apparently they "have travel plans for me" this summer to do PAID articles, plus all the expenses of the trip down south paid as well! The south of Turkey is supposed to be gorgeous in the summer, so while I'm cautiously optimistic (I'm used to empty promises) that's a potentially exciting thing, and in the mean time, I'm having a few articles published every week, which is cool, and I'm happy about that.

So now we have me at two new jobs, but no money in any of them. For two more weeks I did these jobs, and also continued teaching English all the way out in Başakşehir to pay my bills. This meant no sleep, no time, little money, but a higher degree of life satisfaction which, I've found, is worth soo much more than those other things. I felt like I was doing something, and not just wasting my time out here.

After two weeks of those shenanigans, I received an email from Carl, my American friend here that owns an Educational Consulting company. Some of his friends in San Francisco (though they're originally from Cincinnati, go figure!) were looking for content writers for their web sites. Carl has so many crazy connections, and has provided invaluable help to me since I've come here, from advice on where to buy things, to having me work the Miami University booth at the EducaTurk fair and now this!

SO I sent the guys my CV and got the job! This is suuuper excellent- I now make 3x the salary I made here in Turkey for months one through eight, am writing, which I really enjoy, and have the flexibility to work remotely from anywhere in the world as long as I put in about 5 hours a day and get my work in on time (though there haven't been any deadlines thus far). Wonderful! Another minor direction to my life- writing.

This allowed me to quit my teaching job, AND move to a new apartment. In my limited spare time (for two weeks I worked FOUR jobs before ending my teaching job) I began apartment searching. I saw a lot of crappy apartments, for a lot more money than they should be worth. Finally I found an apartment in Beşiktaş, a very nice area, just a five minute walk from the sea and 30 minutes from Taksim Square, with the friend of an acquaintance, Nilüfer, a 30 year old girl from Izmir. On the first of May there were massive protests, so everything was closed down in Istanbul (see photos), but on the second of May, I moved.

I really had no idea how much stuff I acquired living here!!! Yes, if you're wondering, I somehow DID close that suitcase in the picture. I am something of a "packing queen" if you will. My Turkish friends Cengiz and Mustafa helped me move with their car (HUGE HELP) and a German friend of mine served as "hired muscle" (though I just bought him a beer) carrying al that stuff, and it all went OK! How I'll ever get out of Turkey with all this crap, though, is beyond me...

The apartment is extremely nice. Great location, very cutely decorated, clean (though that's because my roommate insists on hiring a cleaning lady twice a month for 100 lira per time.. but we'll get there), and I have a big room with a bed, nightstand, wardrobe, bookshelf, TV and DVD player (though I have never, and probably never will, use these), love seat, coffee table, etc. The kitchen is equip with all the things I haven't had since coming here- oven, bread maker, sandwich maker, blender, etc.... may sound normal to all of you, but these are things I haven't had for many months! The neighborhood is just great, and I was introduced to Brooks, an absolutely wonderful American man from Massachusetts that works for the same company as me in San Francisco. I now go to his apartment to work together on Monday, Wednesday and Fridays, and he's teaching me to cook more things and bake homemade bread between work projects! Not a bad deal! :-)

The only catch? The rent is triple what I paid in my old flat. Yes, much nicer, but since moving in I've found that my new roommate's parents own the place, she's unemployed (though doesn't pay any rent or anything, of course), I am her only source of income, and I'm paying entirely too much for the place. The estimates she gives me for bills (I pay a fixed amount for rent and bills) are almost triple what friends in the area pay for bills, and I've realized the amount I pay is just the minimum my roommate needs to live for a month, in addition to money from parents (which all Turks get until married with kids, and beyond, and everyone wrongly assumes I get as well). Who would have ever thought that on my little salary I would ever be anyone's sole source of income?

So now I'm in a tough spot. Very nice apartment (pictures to come), but I'm paying an excessively high and completely arbitrary amount per month. To make matters more complicated yet, I have to ask to bring people over, use certain things, etc, and she still refers to the place, even when speaking with me, as "my apartment" "my street" etc, never ours. I feel like a hotel guest or something there. While I'm quite comfortable in the place, and can afford to stay now, I think there are a thousand better uses for my money, and am now seeking yet another place. Though at least I'm not in my old apartment anymore which, I'm told, has become a madhouse of sorts with the summer rush. The last thing I wanted was to be with a bunch of 18 year olds on summer vacation, getting drunk, and I have successfully avoided that.

A few downs, but mostly ups, and life is looking good. My little bit of spare time has been spent on some trips to the Islands, French wine and cheese parties, meeting up with some of the girls from United Towers (my first job here), cat-sitting for Carl (as a thank-you), and even picking up yet another job working on conversational English with a Turkish businessman once a week for 40 lira/ hour from a coffee shop or restaurant somewhere. Only in Turkey could this be a viable way to make money....

On May 18 Chris came to visit me here. I mostly had to work and carry on with "business as usual" here, but we did have time to do a lot of fun things, have our share of sunshine, kebabas and nargule, and even discovered a new Bosphorus-view restaurant that was really great. If anyone ever is interested in coming to visit me (which you all should be... ahem) I will take you there!

Another interesting point of this trip, is we found a kitten! Coming home from dinner one night on a side-street off Istiklal, we heard extremely loud kitten crying sounds. After following the noises, we came across a tiny, tiny little white and orange kitten, completely drenched and completely, completely filthy, walking around in the dirt looking up a big wall, and crying. I picked him up, and he was so scared, cold and alone, I just couldn't bring him back! So , being the sucker I am, I carried him around for a while looking for his mother. A man in the area (with a hose- probably why the kitten was wet) said there had been a mother cat with lots of babies in the area, but they left that one behind.

I had no other choice, of course, than to take the little guy with me. As I carried him down the bustling 2am streets of Istanbul, people either looked at me like "oh, you're a wonderful person for saving that cat!" or "oh!! you're a horrible person from stealing that kitten from it's mother!" but either way, we drew a great deal of attention. The three of us eventually took a taxi (the taxi driver told us even though we're not Muslims, we're wonderful people, haha) and we brought the little guy home. After some food, cuddling, and cleaning, we put him in a box for the night to sleep, where he promptly passed out. He is absolutely adorable... and I've named him Kürabiye, which means cookie in Turkish. Now how can someone as unstable as I am raise a kitten? I'm not sure. But even with all my jobs, my time is flexible, and I am completely in love with this kitten!!

So, for the moment, things are stable! Four jobs, a new flat, new colleagues, new friends, a new kitten, and little contact with my old friends and roommates, my old colleagues, etc etc. I find myself nine months into this Turkish adventure, in a completely different place than I ever expected myself to be, and even completely different from where I was just one month ago. I've also realized, to my surprise, that I've become so completely comfortable in Istanbul. It's an amazing city, and people just seem to get sucked in here. They come for reasons even they don't know, usually just a feeling (like me) and plan to stay just a little while, but wind up staying.... well, forever! All of my expat friends planned to come for a few months, a year, maybe even two, but have been here for three, four, five, sixteen years with no intention of leaving. Istanbul on a sunny day must be the most beautiful city in the world.

While this indicates what an amazing city I'm living in here (so lucky for me), and I also feel the urge to just settle in and stay forever (plus this is now possible with my new jobs), I also know I can't do that. I could see myself staying here a long, long time... but I need to move on. I was chatting with an American friend the other day, the day before he left Istanbul after six months here, about just this. He agreed with me on this point, saying that there's just something about Istanbul that sucks people in and just makes them want to stop doing anything else with their lives. And it's so true! People who hate teaching English are doing so just to stay here... people with lives and careers elswhere drop it all to come here and work doing who-knows-what, suddenly struggling to pay their bills, just so they can say hello to the Bosphorus every morning. This can't be me.

I've been telling myself here that I'll stay as long as I'm happy, and when I get that restless bug in me again I'll move on. I usually find this comes quickly. Human beings have an amazing capacity to adapt to things, places, and circumstances. It's annoying at times, actually, when you're looking for adventure outside of your comfort zone, but you find within days that your new home is as comfortable as your old, even if it's a cockroach-infested apartment in the middle of Hyderabad, India, you've made friends as interesting as the old ones, and you're once again in a kind of routine, just a new one. For a brief time, I thought of just staying here for good, but there's so much else out there in the world... and should I decide to return after seeing it, I'm fairly confident that Istanbul will still be waiting for me in the exact spot I left it.

And speaking of leaving Istanbul, I suppose I should mention that at the moment, I'm actually in Bucharest! My friend Emily from college and I hadn't seen each other for a year, since graduation (scary, I've been out of college for a year now... ahh, how time flies!), so we decided to take a Balkan adventure. Do I have money for said Balkan adventure? No, and I had even less when I planned it. But while I don't have money, I have wanderlust, a credit card and optimism, so here I am!

I'll of course write a separate entry for all of this, but basically we'll be traveling the Balkans for the next 10-12 days. After Bucharest, we'll head to Brasov, followed by Sibiu to visit my uncle, Timisoara to stay with a friend of mine, Belgrade to stay with some friends of Emily, Sofia to stay with another friend of mine (man, I love global connections) then back to Istanbul for a few days together there before she flies off back to Paris, where she's living with her boyfriend. Sounds like quite an adventure, if nothing else.

(BTW the pictures here have nothing to do with Bucharest, these are some of my culinary experiments while Chris was here! :-) )

And now I'm off to bed! It's 2am and we're up rather early tomorrow, was just doing some work for my California office, and it's time to call it a night. I'm so not good with this whole "sleep" thing.

I hope life is treating you all wonderfully, and thanks for reading, as always!

Kisses from Bucharest! :-)

News from the Cave

2010-04-14T18:09:00.014+03:00

Greetings from the depths of my Istanbul apartment. Yep, I'm still here in Istanbul... haven't yet a.) run out of money (though I'm dangerously close), b.) realized my efforts are fruitless and given up, or (unfortunately) c.) found a real job. You might thus, in light of these things, wonder why I'm bothering to write another update here. Well, you wonder with good logic. Fortunately, though, a complete lack of tangible changes to my life, positive or negative, doesn't mean these wheels have stopped turning! This blog has become a handy ranting outlet for me, and rant I will! For what it's worth, the sub-heading of the blog itself clearly warns of such things, so no one can claim they weren't informed. :-) While the sub-heading also warns of rambling, and thus I have no need to apologize for doing so, I'll try to keep that to a minimum and begin my entry now...

SO, when we left off, I was newly back from my Euro trip, rations were dwindling fast, I had no source of income, and I was spending my afternoons laying in my bed like a hobo wallowing in self-pity and utter despair. I spent two extremely depressed weeks like this, and the fact that I way overdid it on the "making sure my money doesn't run out" front really only worsened my situation exponentially. Not only was I feeling useless and unemployed, was without a job or any prospects, and had to put my school loans into forbearance (does that kill my credit? I have no idea...), I was also eating only 30 cent powdered soup and not going out on the weekends anymore. Talk about a miserable existence. Ha.

I, the lonely, borderline creepy shut-in, did venture out of the confines of my apartment a few times, though. Fortunately, being a female, I didn't grow a 5ft beard or anything, so I could still pass for a semi-normal member of society when doing so.

First excursion was to meet AIESEC Turkey to discuss the fact that they owe me 750 lira, three alternative traineeship options and, in the case of their failure to provide the latter within 30 days, reimbursement for my round-trip travel expenses to Turkey. Nothing was accomplished. Niente, nada, zip. The most promising thing I got from the guy was "I'm sorry for your situation and will talk with AIESEC Istanbul." Yeah, thanks, I already did, they basically told me to go to hell, shove my requests where the sun doesn't shine, and never contact them again. That's gonna be a fruitful endeavor for you on my behalf. Go get 'em. Ugh. Since then no one has even replied to my emails. I am SO sick of no one in this world having any respect for me. I mean, OK, I KNOW..... I AM NOBODY! I friggin KNOW!! Sigh.

Anyway, second time venturing out of my apartment was to retrieve my tax number when I was briefly considering opening a bank account here. I've been here 8 months and have yet to do so, because 100% of my income has gone to my living expenses. I make just enough to scrape by. With my new powdered soup craze, though, I was trying to be optimistic here. Wound up going, chatting with an Egyptian artist here for some exhibition, getting my number, and remembering "oh, wait! I have no cash!!" and going home. Operation Kristen Gets a Turkish Bank Account aborted. Failed mission. Eh. I did, however, do an experiment to make Turkish lentil soup, which was a success, and I was a big enough nerd, lonely in my apartment, to take some pictures... I know the final product looks gross, but it was good!

On the brighter side of things, one of my articles for the Hürriyet News and Economic Review was published! The editor I'm in touch with there told me I'm really a "first class writer" and she was very impressed with my work. Temporary self esteem boost! Too bad they still aren't paying me. The one that was published was on American university life. Admittedly not the most exciting stuff to be writing about, but it's something, and getting published in the largest newspaper in Turkey is kinda cool. Only catch? My title was changed from the admittedly boring "American University Life" to "Internationals students and American university life nowadays." WTF?! I called in immediately and the online version was fixed, but it was too late for the print version! Now I look like an idiot! Totally embarrassing. See? They totally need me! And there goes the superiority complex part of my bipolar mind these days. I'll be back to feeling useless in t-30 seconds. :-)

The other was deemed too controversial and is being withheld for the foreseeable future. They promised me it'd still be published in the next educational insert, but that's yet to be seen. I'm not holding my breath. It was a really great article, though, about how dishonest and opportunistic educational consulting agencies here exploit young and naive Turkish students and their families, charging upwards of $750-2000/ PER HOUR (I emailed pretending to be interested, and checked prices... obscene!) for services they're grossly under-qualified to provide, often giving unsound advice for what is arguably the most important decisions these students will make. I even got interviews from the US Department of State's educational department head in Turkey, the president of the Agency Association (head of all these consulting companies) and an anonymous tell-all interview from an American guy in the business! It just wasn't consistent with the "spirit of the insert." Blah. Oh well. I'm going back in Friday morning to discuss writing a few more articles for their night life/ cultural section and the educational insert again. Crossing my fingers for a measly lira or two this time, though I suppose it's one of those "good experiences"/ CV building, blah blah blah, everyone talks about ....

OK, enough with the Debbie Downer updates. Easter weekend was quite lovely! Easter is one holiday I'm very used to being away from home- haven't been in Naperville for one since High School, so 2005. Went to Catholic church (!!!!! cultural experience, don't have a heart attack) in the morning, but the priest was from Nigeria and was completely incomprehensible with his accent over a loud speaker mic. There was a Turkish parade of some sort going on down Istiklal after, so we stopped to watch the giant flag be carried by, and balloons be released (Turks LOVE balloons) then my roommates and I hit up Kınalıada, one of the Prince's Islands... which was great!

The pictures posted here are from this trip. I think adding them makes my long blog entries more interesting... but please pardon any formatting errors.. last time I literally spent like 2 hours formatting them because this blog site sucks, and things do not go where you drag them. Why? Just to make me angry, I think. Headache. Anyway, while the trip of course cost some money (sure, the boat is only 1.50 TL, but then you have to eat out, catch the metro to the city center, funicular to the sea, taxi home cuz you missed the last friggin bus, etc etc) but it was much needed.

Kınalıada is hugely overpopulated with cats. In case you can't imagine why this would be, I've included an enlightening photo. :-) My favorite part is the voyeur cat on the right! Haha! There's not a whole lot else on the Island, but we enjoyed the sea, ice cream, and just walking along the coast and relaxing away from the hustle and bustle of busy Istanbul, and that in and of itself was great. The following weekend, my roommates and I went up to Camlica Hill, the highest point in Istanbul, for another little day trip. The view was gorgeous.... this city is truly amazing... though not able to be captured in pictures so well. Because the annual Tulip Festival is going on in Istanbul, there were also many colorful flowers up there, which also didn't come out so well in pictures, because it wasn't so sunny and certainly wasn't warm... it's still freezing here! WHY? Because I sent all my warm clothes home with Chris post Euro-trip. This is the only reason, I'm positive. So, sorry Istanbul, it's my fault. Anyway, regardless of the weather, it was nice to get out for a few bonding trips with the huge group of foreigners that are my roommates. :-) If you want to see the whole photo album, you can see it here!: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2382731&id=7715094&l=f4c1262988

My new teaching job also started a week ago. My student, Okyay (a 41 year old owner of a huge textile company here that exports to major European brands... but I don't get free clothes) is a super nice guy. Really just genuinely interesting and sweet. His office, however, is a 90min commute from my apartment without traffic, which never happens here, so it's more like 2 hours. I only teach about 2-3 hours most days, sometimes a bit more, sometimes less (Monday we met for 1 hour at Starbucks and he bought me a latte and cake while we chatted about life!) but I generally spend twice as long as my working time commuting. Far from idyllic, but hopefully this is short-term. I can stay here as long as I want to for the same 1000TL/month I've been making since I arrived here, though, so that's good, at least.

I've also found commuting in Istanbul to be quite the interesting experience. I've been lucky enough that all of my jobs have been in the center of European Istanbul, and within walking distance. Staying only in the areas I've kept myself for the past 8 months, though, it's hard to figure out why Turkey is still considered a developing country, with how posh and European it all seems. Take a bus just 20min from the city center, though, and you'll sing a different tune. The places I pass on this bus remind me more of India than anything.... the people, the homes, the slums, the stray animals... it's really crazy, and really interesting. I was completely oblivious to the fact that all this existed out here. I am quite often the only female on the bus, but when there are others, I'm the only one not in a burka, or at the very least a headscarf. People just stare at me... partially out of curiosity because I'm different, but often also because my skirts usually fall mid-shin or just below my knees, and this, I'm assuming from the eyes looking directly at my legs, is a bit of a scandal. I do hate it how I never know if my clothes are for whatever reason unacceptable until I go out and subject myself to the scrutiny of judging eyes. It's an uncomfortable situation. But anyway, despite hours on a bus every day, the commute is still a novelty for me, never having been out of the modern European part or touristy areas of the city, so I can't complain too much!

What I CAN complain about (yes, always something) is the lack of respect I'm still finding. My student is great, but sometimes people here fail to realize that even if I'm just their 22 year old English teacher, they have to show me some basic respect. Today, for example, I was supposed to go in to teach earlier than usual (I usually start around 2pm). So I got up early, showered, got dressed, was running a bit late so I took a taxi that took me around the city for 15min, paid 10 lira for the taxi but missed my bus with that extra delay, waited 40 minutes for the next bus, got on, bought my ticket, texted my student to tell him I was running a bit behind, and received a reply, "I'm in a meeting, let's cancel today's lesson." .....when was he going to tell me this? If I'd been on time I would have already been at his office! Unbelievable! So 2 hours and all that extra money, which I do NOT have.. wasted! We need to have a little chat tomorrow.

BUT speaking of tomorrow, I have an interview! Don't get too excited. It's with the American Business Forum here in Turkey... they serve as the Chamber of Commerce. I applied to their EU relations task force, and 2 hours later they replied saying they don't have job openings, but would love to have someone with my "caliber of CV" (ha!!) for an internship or volunteer position. The addition of that "volunteer" suggestion leads me to believe said internship would be unpaid, but I'm hoping for the best and am going in tomorrow. Could be a really cool way to finish up my time here, if they can pay me, and it's located just in Taksim, sharing a building with the Ritz Carlton! You never know.

Also on the job front, I didn't get the job with OBG... but I think we all saw that coming. I got an email saying they wound up choosing someone with more experience. The problem is... how do you get your first experience if everyone wants experience? It's not enough to emphasize that I'm a quick and eager learner, enthusiastic to succeed and blah blah blah, cuz at the end of the day, no one cares, and the guy with 20 years writing for the Economist and 10 years as the CEO of some Middle Eastern oil company gets the job. OK exaggeration, but in this context, it was something similar.

After my lesson was canceled, I met up with a Harvard graduate that works for OBG for lunch. We'd been in touch last week, and were supposed to meet tomorrow, but I moved it up to today. It was really encouraging talking to her... at the age of 18 she decided she didn't want to go to college, so she used her life savings to move to Paris to be a singer. That didn't work out so well, so she moved back to the states, was admitted to Harvard, studied government for 4 years, then went to teach English in China. She hated it, quit, traveled Central Asia for a while, then somehow wound up in Istanbul with no job. She did an unpaid internship for a while (though the NY Times says unpaid internships could be illegal!! Hope for us all, stay tuned!!!) then eventually met the guys from OBG at a party, which she says she thinks is the reason she got the job. She said it's very personality-based, perhaps more so than it should be, and most interviews are held over a beer so they can really "get to know you." Now I feel double insulted, though.... not only was I not qualified enough, they didn't think I was fun!!! :-) Half joking. But what does make me feel better is that Ms. Harvard Grad was largely in the same boat as me til she got her lucky break, and hopefully I can get one too. It was also encouraging to hear that apparently of those 200 applicants, many that wrote and edited for top newspapers in Middle Eastern countries, NO ONE was hired yet!! They're still taking more applicants! SO, anyway, misery loves company. I'm not alone in all of this, and that makes me happy.

This entry is becoming borderline too long.... or perhaps it's far past that point.... but one last point. Shoes. People love them, girls are stereotyped by an irrational obsession with them, and everybody needs them.... but I found myself without any last week! Turkish shoes suck. I came here in September with just summer sandals and bought my other shoes here. They have all fallen apart, whether I paid 30 lira for them or 80 lira. When I say fall apart, I mean it. Walking to work, the sole of one of my shoes just came off. Really? Now I don't have a shoe! What now?! Glue?? I HAVE NO MONEY FOR NEW SHOES. My roommates and I went on an mission to find some on Sunday, me wearing shoes with the soles glued on and only a bow on the left shoe, a glue spot on the right shoe where there was once a matching bow. We failed. Shoes are friggin expensive here, or they're the same crap material as my past ones. Finally splurged and bought some shoes yesterday.... and no shoes have ever brought me such happiness. I walked around today with the confidence of a girl whose shoes will not fall apart any moment, and this felt good..... even though they'll probably fall apart next week. The point of all of this? I'm poor. No, just kidding. I mean, I am, but the point is.. I have never not had shoes before. Ever. I have had baskets upon baskets of them at all points in my life, and this was a real eye-opener for me. Life is interesting.

And on that note, I'm off. Have been back in my cave writing this entry this afternoon, but I should go out for a second attempt at making a public appearance today. I just drank an entire liter of diet coke while writing this. No, even in my poverty, I cannot sacrifice diet coke. I believe it's laced with cocaine. Am investigating this and will have more on that later.

So to my faithful and shoed readers.... thanks again for your time reading my rantings, and much love to the mother land until next time!

EuroTrip and Antics from an Unemployed Expat

2010-03-31T05:09:00.020+03:00

Hello, hello! So, somehow another couple of weeks have passed. I'll do my best to catch you up, and I've even added some photos!! But despite spending one hour trying to format them, they're still a disaster when I click "post blog entry," so you'll have to bear with my aesthetic disaster. Anyway, I never cease to be amazed by just how quickly the time passes here... and I'm starting to figure that this is how it's going to go from here on out. Today I am, twenty two, the next thing I know I'll be twenty five, then BAM! Forty! And before I know it, I'm ninety, sitting in a nursing home wondering where my life went! Ahh!

Exaggeration? OK, maybe, but only a slight one. I've been having a lot of moments lately where I just sit back and wonder exactly what I'm doing, where I'm headed, and why. Simply jetting off to the other side of the world in pursuit of international adventures, just because I feel like it, doesn't imply I'm really doing what's best for myself, or even making the most of my youth and freedom. What is that really all about anyway? The desire to have a real career, to really be someone, and to do something worthwhile is becoming stronger. Everyone keeps telling me, "But you're so young! You have so much time to figure things out! Relax and enjoy yourself now!" But at the end of the day, this type of encouragement only goes so far. I can't help but feel that I worked so hard in college, I did everything I could to develop myself to the fullest potential I thought I could achieve at that level, and now I find myself in a crap apartment in the middle of Istanbul, and unemployed after a series of low-skilled jobs for which a brain was preferred, but not required, in the job description. I can't even give away my labor for free these days, and that hurts even more.

I know I graduated into one of the worst job markets for quite some time, blah blah, but the fact that my friends are all unemployed too is little comfort to me. We've all read the news and this is what they keep saying, but the thing is, life is still going on, companies are still operating, and I should be able to find at least some worthwhile desk to plant my butt at, have 12 cups of coffee a day, begin to get arthritis or carpel tunnel syndrome in my wrists from too much typing, and complain about back the wife, kids, back pain, the weather, and traffic. Or something like that. Because while that's the life people tend to try to avoid and loathe when they have it, I find from here in Istanbul, it seems rather appealing. Maybe just because it's something vaguely resembling stability, or something like it. Maybe even a salary that allows me to eat dinner even the week before my next paycheck (or shady envelope of cash) comes. This might just be a case of "you want what you can't have," I'm not sure, but I think no one could disagree that it's about time I do something useful with myself. I'm not yet convinced that there's not some happy medium between the unstable life I'm living on the Turkish poverty line and 9-5 dead-end corporate America and suburbia. It's just a matter of finding someone out there to give this liberal arts major my first real chance, and so far, not-so-good.

I find myself going through extreme highs and lows with regard to superiority/ inferiority complexes... And with my mind going on the self esteem roller coaster, I end up at the worst place of all, somewhere in the middle... apathy.... and I put off job searching some more and open facebook. It's an endless slump I need to somehow drag myself out of... because on my optimistic days, I think I can't be useless forever ... this too shall pass! I'm young! Everyone finds work someday, it's just a matter of time and effort. I'd like to stick with these ideas as long as my optimism will permit...

So, these sentiments have been the result of my past ten days in Istanbul without a job. While I've spent many hours on many days mindlessly googling and clicking around the internet, feigning productivity, I've really only sent my CV to a handful of places. I've basically given up on the Oxford Business Group job... it would have been so perfect, but I called the guy and was informed that I had the "misfortune" (not what I wanted to hear) of being the first interview of a "ridiculous number" (also not what I wanted to hear) of applicants, and interviews were scheduled for the next three weeks, so he'd get back to me after that. I then sent a borderline (or fully) pathetic email, saying the interview was so informal that I'm not sure if I conveyed myself as well as I could have... and that there may be applicants in the coming weeks that are more experienced than I am, but I doubt he'll find someone so enthusiastic and eager to succeed in this position. Basically I just asked that he not forget me in the coming weeks as candidates come in and out of his office. Yeah, pretty pathetic, I know, but this job would just be so perfect, I had to say I at least tried my best before letting it slip through my fingers, and this was all I could think of to do. I received a reply that I did make a good impression, not to worry, and they'll be in touch in a few weeks. Maybe emails like that are the reason I'm not a professional anything, but alas, I did what I could.

BUT as my dreams of earning a living wage here, having a stable and oh-so-interesting career, and living in the Bosphorus view apartment I almost moved to (dreamy sigh!!) were flushed down a giant Turkish toilet, new ones arose! I heard about an organization called the Society for International Development, headquartered in Rome, regional office in Nairobi, but represented in over 100 countries. I suddenly had dreams of me working for this organization in Kenya, and living at an NGO there called "One Home, Many Hopes" for abandoned little girls that a friend of mine volunteered for. But after sending my CV to a contact there that a friend put me in touch with, and calling Rome and Nairobi, I was informed there is nothing available at the moment, and the only openings in the next year will be for economists. Another dream trampled by Kenyan elephants (then flushed down the same giant Turkish toilet as OBG, just to add insult to injury). I need to stop letting myself get caught up in these ideas and become all excited before I have the right to have any glimmer of hope. My tragic flaw- I often set myself up for disappointment.

In the rest of my job searching, I've decided to steer clear of the business scene a bit. It occurred to me that while now I'm often wallowing in self loathing over my decision to study such completely impractical things (however interesting and enriching, mind you) as political science, international studies (where even a dual sub-concentration in conflict peace and diplomacy and international development means nothing) and Italian (...??), perhaps I didn't study business because I shouldn't be in the word of business. I'm tired of trying to convince companies that specify "business majors only" that I'm worth just as much, if not more, as your average business undergrad. There have to be places out there looking for someone like me, with my studies, or my majors wouldn't exist! Right? Maybe? Eh. I'm going to try to find such places... at least, to the greatest extent that Google will permit.

On the brighter side, AIESEC US, apologizing for my problems with AIESEC Turkey, has given me a free exchange partner ID (usually $500+) to do another traineeship elsewhere in the world. While your initial thoughts are probably "What??? After all this, she wants to work with them again???" please remember that I had an amazing experience with AIESEC in India, gaining the best work experience I've had to date, and continuing to work for the company even back in the US.... so there's hope! And while the European traineeships are super competitive (because everyone and their mom wants to go to Europe to work) I figure I may as well try, because in the end, maybe I don't know enough about what in the world (quite literally) I'm doing to settle in a real career yet. While internships are, by definition, bound not to be the most satisfying work out there, perhaps for the time being they're more compatible with my unstructured lifestyle.

But whether I land a real person job, or continue internships, I need to do something fast. I got an email from my US bank the other day saying I have $5.02 in my account. Crap. So off I was to call the US government for a friendly chat about putting my loans in forbearance, because I just can't pay anymore. Depressing, but that's a huge load off my back, at least for the next six months while I get my act together. So I'm left with the handful of lira remaining in my wallet, which is enough to pay one more month of rent and buy some food. My worst fear is having to ask my parents for a loan to fly back to the US, and the act of flying back to the US that inevitably would follow, for lack of other options. I need to stay on this side of the world, because this is ultimately where I want to be. The second I go into (more) debt to go back to the states, I'm afraid I'll be there for good. I'll have to find a job to make enough money to pay off that ticket home and buy another ticket to Europe and, once I have said job after a depressing year living in my parents' basement, the stuck-ness begins, and soon I'm 30 and have been in a job for 8 years, never having made it back to explore my tempting European options. Maybe that's the paranoid pessimist in me again, but once I leave here, it'll sure as hell be hard to get back, and I want to avoid that at all costs.

I will say that if there's one thing my life here has taught me, it's not to take things for granted. I got incredibly excited the other day (a lasting happy feeling, too!), because I allowed myself to indulge and buy some groceries besides powdered soup for $0.20, bread for $0.50, and cheap vegetables to eat over rice. I spent an unprecedentedly high 18 lira ($12), but I got luxury items like chicken (!!!), yogurt, cheese (!!!!!!!!), and eggs... way different from my staples completely void of real nutrition. I have thus, in my spare time being unemployed, indulged in some culinary experiments, learning that I make a mean spinach omelette, lentil soup and chicken cacciatore, providing nourishment, variety, and even a little self-esteem boost. Just saying. Life's all about the little triumphs these days. :-)

I guess now might be a good time to say that I actually did find a job yesterday, starting next Monday. It's another useless teaching job, but it pays... however little. I'll get the same 1000TL I've made at all my jobs here, because I can't bring myself to ask for more, even though my fellow American friends here (everyone is teaching... supply and demand) make 2-3x what I make, plus living expenses covered. I hate teaching. At the end of the day, I don't care who speaks English and who doesn't. You can speak Turkish, speak Swahili, speak Urdu, don't speak at all... it's all the same to me! I don't care! But unfortunately this is just the kind of low-skilled labor that's in demand here, and it's one of the few things I've found myself able to provide, so here I am, once again a teacher. English is like gold. At least this will buy me some time and allow me to pay the bills while I search for something real to do.

My dreams of writing freelance for the Hurriyet Daily News and Economic Review have also been semi-crushed... I wrote two articles freelance for them, unpaid, under the premise that if they liked them, they'd beg the "big boss" to give them a budget to hire me for paid articles. I wrote one on American university life. They loved it, and I got a hugely self esteem boosting email about how I'm a "first-class writer," they weren't expecting that, and that I did a wonderful, perfect job. Whoo! The second article, however, was on the educational consulting business here, which I find to be incredibly corrupt, as did my contacts from a private company here and the US State Department representative in Ankara that I interviewed. I got an email shortly after submitting it saying I was not neutral, that the article would not be printed, and we would talk about it later. And there things stand. Neutrality has never been my forte, I suppose, but I don't think the piece was not redeemable! So there go dreams of being a paid freelancer for the biggest media agency in Turkey. I'm running 0 for 3 here....

Now, all that ranting aside, my life is not all bad. I should mention, working backwards in time but certainly not in importance, that I had an absolutely perfectly wonderful nine day EuroTrip with Chris before my unemployment woes consumed my thoughts. Before returning to my life on the Turkish poverty line, I was living the European vacationer's life, hitting up Switzerland, France, Monaco and Italy... and man, it was nice. Allow me to elaborate. :-)

So yet again my trip with Chris came just as things were really getting bad for me here in Turkey, and another job was ending. Strange how this happens. As I mentioned in the last post, my last teaching job ended on a Friday, and the next morning I set off for Zurich where Chris met me at the airport to begin our spring break trip! We stayed with his parents in Veltheim again for Saturday and Sunday. Arrived at their place just in time for a nice lunch at home... once again his parents were nothing but sweet and oh-so hospitable to me. I do miss having my family here, so being able to feel somewhat a part of someone else's for a while is the next-best-thing.

Saturday night we went into Zurich and met up with two of Chris' Swiss friends and one of mine, Gabi, a friend from India, for dinner and drinks. I was so exhausted after that (surprise- again didn't sleep before my flight Saturday morning... why do I do this?? masochism!) that Chris and I slept until 4pm on Sunday! We were going to leave for France that morning- but so much for that! Instead we enjoyed another nice evening at home with his parents, brother and brother's girlfriend. Nice dinner, nice wine, nice conversation, and I even learned some more Swiss German! By that I mean one more sentence, but hey- baby steps. :-)

Monday morning we packed up the car and were off to the South of France! We drove through Northern Italy to get there... and passed near to Cinque Terre, one of my all-time favorite weekend trips from when I was studying in Italy! I think the scenery as we drove there was something of an equivalent to rural, corn-field Indiana for Chris, but for me it was European countryside, and that's sweet. We got to France just in time to see Chris' old apartment from when he was doing his PhD there, have some dinner and wine, and take a little walk. We spent the next two days going to Cannes, Antibes, Gourdon, and Grasse! We met up with one of Chris' friends, watched the sunset on the Cap d'Antibes, walked along the seaside of Cannes at night, had some very good food and wine (I ate duck! Ahh!), visited some very cute little villages, and went to Fragonard, the perfume factory in Grasse, where I got five absolutely lovely little bottles of perfume!! It was really, really, really nice....

Thursday morning we left the hotel, stopped for lunch in Valbonne, and began driving down to Torino to meet up with Matteo for the night! We stopped in Monaco mid-afternoon to have coffee next to the Monte Carlo Casino (you know, all in a day's work...) and walk around a bit, before hitting the road again Italy-bound. We finally made it to Torino about 10pm (we were driving up and down mountains, and even encountered snow!!!) at which point we met up with Matteo and Gianluca for a verrrry nice dinner and night time walking tour of the city!! We spent the night at their place, and the next morning Matteo made a very cute brunch, and Lorenzo came over! It was the Istanbul trio re-united in Italy! Around 1pm Chris and I had to hit the road again, after a lovely 3/4 of a day in Italy, driving back up to Veltheim just in time for dinner and more wine with Chris' parents and a chance to get some rest before going into Zurich again the next day!

It was the first time I'd seen Zurich during the day, and it's really a very cute city, I really liked it! We did some sightseeing, met Gabi for coffee, did some shopping, had a nice traditional Swiss dinner, then drove back to Veltheim in time to hit up the thermal bath (I love this place!) and a bar, still making it home by 1am to Skype my parents and grandma. It went by about just as quickly as you read it, but was a really nice last day in Europe! My flight the next morning was at 7:40am from an airport about an hour from Veltheim, so yet again we stayed up all night to pack. Chris' mom sent me with not one, not two, but THREE homemade cakes (two of which were devoured by my hungry roommates within 24 hours of returning home!) and two huge chocolate Easter bunnies, as well as two jars of homemade jam, a wall decoration, and a Swiss Army travel toiletry bag! :-) Ahhh, they're such nice people! I even got one last breakfast with both of Chris' parents at 4am before his dad drove us to the airport. The whole week was a complete whirlwind, but it was absolutely lovely!! I'm a very lucky girl!! Here's the link to the whole facebook album of pictures, if you're interested in viewing them!! http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2380699&id=7715094&l=7cf7dd2311

And thus began my 10 days of unemployment back here in Turkey after my whirlwind European adventure... haha... but it all doesn't seem so bad when I spray on a little French perfume and think about my EuroTrip. ;-) Every cloud has silver lining... or isn't that what they say? This trip was an incredibly perfectly timed break from things, as was our first trip to Switzerland over Christmas as my first internship was ending, and I hope to be able to go back to Europe again soon!

And with that, dear friends and family, I'm cutting off! It's somehow almost 6 and here I am, still awake and blogging again. Amazing how it happens every night that suddenly it's 4, 5, 6 am and I'm just accidentally still awake! I am a vampire! I'm going to do my best to get into the American Consulate this morning during the 2 hours a day they're open to American Citizen Services to see if they can give me a list of US companies operating here (worth a try) and to ask about a vacancy at the consulate that I read about online (a Turkish friend sent it to me... it says it requires level III or IV Turkish, but again, worth a try!).... they never respond to my emails (I know, I am nobody! I get it!!), so I guess it's worth trekking out there, even though it requires waking up before noon and skipping my culinary experiments and mindless internet browsing. I'll survive.

As always, thanks so much for reading!!! I hope life is treating you all well and hope you'll all continue to keep in touch and send me your updates as well! :-) Görüşürüz!

Six Months None the Richer

2010-03-15T15:21:00.006+03:00

Merhaba, long-lost friends and family!! So, almost another entire month has flown by, and I haven't so much as written a word on my blog! My life has, in the mean time, become so much of a disaster, it's rather comical... totally not how I planned my post-graduation life to be, but alas, I suppose life would be pretty boring if it always went as planned! Albeit more stable and less frustrating, but also less of an adventure, and if there's one thing my life here never is, it's dull.

So where to begin?! Well, where I left off, I suppose! So with the situation as described, new job teaching English at another accounting company after the abrupt end of my prior internship... things didn't seem so bad at first. It's easy to ignore a complete lack of direction and utter hopelessness when you're busy and having fun, as I usually am here! February was full of social events, new friends, and roommate outings, the last of which, might I add, resembles a kind of UN gathering mixed with a herd of some kind of loud animals taking Istanbul by storm. It's wonderful. All thirteen of us, with a few other friends added in the mix, hit the streets of Istanbul for brunch, a long walk on the seaside, exploring castles, boats to Asia for shopping, and general merriment and enjoyment of youth, one Sunday in particular, creating a glorious mix of cultures, languages, good food, and good times, not to mention a nice facebook album (coming soon, but samples here). It's days like that, sunny, warm, full of laughter and good conversation, new and interesting people, that things just feel right, no matter how wrong they are. It's easy to forget that people need jobs, money, and stability, when you're in such a group, all in the same situation, and your friends are willing to lend you 2 liras to get home at the end of the day, because you don't have even that left in your wallet. No matter how all this ends, and that's something I wholly cannot predict now more than ever, I hope I'll always be able to look back on these times and feel as happy as I do as I'm living them.

I can't say I could complain about my job, either. My boss made the mistake of refusing to give me a start time. "It's up to you, lady!!" he told me. So, to begin with, I rolled in around 10am. Then 11am. Then 12pm in time for my free lunch. By the second week, however, I wasn't setting an alarm in the morning, and was rolling into the office around 1 or 1:30pm. The first thing I'd do would be to take a one hour lunch break, paid for by the office. I would then take some time to reply to emails, search jobs on the internet, with no particular job in mind, no idea how to do such job searching, and dream of international adventures and a real life one day. Then before I knew it, it would be 4pm. From 4-6pm, three days a week (usually) I'd teach basic English lessons to a classroom of business people, and before I knew it I was off to the gym and my various social activities before calling it a day. So one might logically conclude that I was given the blessed opportunity to engage in an almost alarmingly stress-free month. False. Somehow I still found myself constantly worried about jobs, life, succeeding, money, my loans, what it is I'm exactly doing.... having some direction to your life, namely having a worth-while job where you can feel appreciated, needed, worth something, etc, is far more important than I thought, even just my first year out of school. Having such a life like I just described made me more discouraged than ever, actually, with my uselessness meter at an all-time high. No one cared what time I came, nonetheless if I came at all, or if I bothered to teach a lesson. Talk about lacking motivation. The only really positive part was the fact that no one in the office spoke any English, so I was able to really improve my Turkish quite a lot.... so one positive thing. Minus catching up on some sleep. Meh.

Anyway, during my time working there, I received a message from Carl, the American guy from Ohiowith an educational consulting business that I met back in September. He told me that there was an educational fair coming up (EducaTurk... ha... ha... clever... ha) and Miami would be represented there. He asked me if I'd be interested in working the booth for $100/day in the end of February. Of course I would, that's more than I make in 2 weeks! So I went to this fair, and it was actually really nice! I was the only one there representing the school for three days. I'm completely not over that post-University nostalgia mode yet, so being able to talk to people about Miami (though I really could have used a sign that said, "NOT IN FLORIDA... 1809... OLDER THAN FLORIDA. NO BEACH." behind me...) was really nice. The school got a surprising amount of interest, and I also had the opportunity to meet a number of very interesting people.

The educational consulting business here is a funny thing. So many Turks want to go to the US.... to work, to do internships, to study, or even to do something I never heard about before coming here called "Work and Travel" where they literally go work at McDonalds, Taco Bell, Six Flags, etc for some time, just to have US experience on their CV. So crazy! This also exists, to a lesser extent, for other native English speaking countries. So, many foreigners from the in-demand native-English speaking countries have come here to take part in what I find to be a shockingly lucrative business. Basically, Turkish students and families are charged very steep fees to be matched with such programs in the US, they're sent there, and the companies that send them there wind up doing quite well. I met a lot of Americans in the business that told me this is the way to go in Turkey. I mean I guess you gotta hand it to them for being such successful opportunists, but something seems a bit strange about it all. It was actually quite nice to talk to some other Americans, though. I speak to another native-English speaker maybe once a month here, so it was surprisingly comforting to have a little taste of home here in Istanbul. It's like an unspoken national bond we all somehow have when traveling, especially living as expats. And they're generally very helpful... one guy from Jersey offered to take my CV and ask around to see if any of his friends here need someone like me. Nice of him... though, as usual when people offer such things, nothing has materialized. Eh.

Another thing I've noticed encountering other Americans here, is that many tend to perpetuate the anti-American stereotypes I try so hard to break. With no knowledge of the Turkish language after even decades here in Turkey, pronunciations that make even me cringe, etc etc. Even Rosa, my own Italian roommate, throws the stereotypes at me all the time! "You match colors a lot.... very un-American of you. Americans never match things." "I'm so surprised you went to India. Americans only like comfortable places." SO I'll always throw a few back about the mafia and consumption of enormous volumes of spaghetti daily, but it just still fails to make a point. It's incredible the way people perceive us abroad, and how many Americans here either go along with it, make fun of it too, or just let it go and make no effort to correct anyone. I mean, I thought most people were aware by this point in time that there's no such thing as one qualifying characteristic of any one group of people, be it along racial, ethnic, national, gender, etc lines. Guess not. Oh, what a world, what a world!

So, I made some extra cash with the educational fair, even though I worked right through my weekend. Totally worth it. I was required to write and submit a report to the admissions department of Miami afterward, and the international admissions recruiter (amazing job, btw, she just travels around the world to promote the university!) was so happy with it, she's submitting a proposal to the deal to make me an on-call regional representative here in the Middle East, so I could go to other educational fairs without them having to buy a ticket for someone to come from the US, I'd assume. Anyway, could be cool if it goes through, but as always I'm just cautiously optimistic here. It's all I ever can be.

The weekend of the educational fair, my beloved Matteo left. We spent a lot of time together his last week here, just one-on-one getting in some last-minute bonding time, we had our last night out Saturday, and he flew out Sunday morning. I have just such an overflowing amount of affection for this boy, it's obscene. He's just one of the most genuine, sincere, honest, compassionate and kind-hearted people I've ever met.... and I consider myself incredibly lucky to have been able to spend such a wonderful six months with him here. Actually, I might be seeing him in Italy this week if Chris and I can make it to N. Italy to hit up Torino and/or Milan! As the Turks say, Inshallah! So we wrapped up our last night at our favorite nargule place, and said our goodbye outside, where we always say goodbye as we part ways to go home. I gave him the usual goodbye, but then suddenly completely out of my control, one tear rolled down my cheek... then another, and another, and as I gave him one last hug, I was basically sobbing, something I completely didn't predict. I know I'll see him again, it's just never going to be the same wonderful life and times we shared here. I will always look back and smile on the amazing times we had here in Istanbul, but just knowing it was our last goodbye there just made me lose it. Matteo started to cry too, fogging up his glasses with tears, and making me cry harder. What a scene we were! Every night when we split up and exchange hugs, kisses, and wishes for a good night, Matteo tells me to "make (him) a ring" when I get home so he knows I made it alright. I always forget. While standing on the sidewalk that one last time, he made the same request of me, through the melodramatic tears and laughter we were both experiencing, and as I promised him I wouldn't forget this time, we parted ways. The taxi driver was legitimately concerned for me as I sobbed my way home. I already miss him so much, just knowing that time of our lives is over now and things won't be like they were anymore. But again, all I can say now is that I'm so happy to have met him, to know him, and to have such a wonderful friend like him in this world.... and that's all I have to say about that. :-)

So anyway, life goes on basically as it has. I've said a lot of goodbyes, some harder than others, but that's something I knew would be a part of my time here. I consider myself incredibly lucky to have met the kind of people I have during my travels, everywhere, and to be able to boast of such a strong international network of friends. February flew by with job-searching, goodbyes, and plenty of hellos as the number of interns in my apartment skyrocketed to thirteen! We still have just one bathroom, btw. Haha. It's such a bizarre thing.... at one point I was walking through the kitchen and some guy was making tea there. I said hey, and asked who he was here visiting. He told me he lived there and had been living there for two weeks. I had never seen him before. Incredible. But it's such a fun place, as we've also realized we don't need to leave the apartment or invite anyone over to have pretty sweet parties.... again, never a dull moment!

Before I knew it four weeks had passed since I started my teaching job. When accepting the position, my boss and I had agreed to talk after one month, because I was hoping to find a better job in that time. Ha, naive optimist that I was! :-) On March 5 one month was up, so I went to speak with my boss. He told me that this is their busy season, and most of the associates are out of the office and unable to take lessons with me (true, my class size dropped drastically as the office emptied out thanks to numerous auditing trips), so for the rest of March, April and May they wouldn't be able to use my services, but he asked if I could come back in June. Yeah sure, except I'd be living on the streets with no source of income until then! Ha. So I told him maybe, just not to burn any bridges, and asked for one more week (extra 250 lira at my current salary.... same salary as my first job, on the bright side) and he granted me that. The extra week was up yesterday, March 12, and I'm now officially unemployed with zero real prospects. This is not somewhere I wanted to see myself end up, but somehow I did, and now I'm more stuck than ever.

Jobs... everyone wants them, few have the ones they want, and many have none at all. I contacted the Hurriyet Daily News and Economic Review here in Istanbul a while back, just on a completely random whim. The chief editor informed me they don't have the budget to hire anyone new, but invited me to come see the news room and meet the staff, because "things change quickly in Turkey." I did that, made some useful connections, and was offered a position writing free-lance for the newspaper. Really cool, since they're the biggest media agency in Turkey... but the catches? a.) I would be starting out unpaid, and even when paid, it would be almost nominal/ article, and b.) after leaving that day, there has been no news of said position. I emailed the guy once, and he said "yes, just keep reminding me!!" Ugh. So now I have to keep reminding someone even to offer them my free services? Unbelievable! How can I be so underutilized in the world! Makes me think I have absolutely nothing to offer! I've also been through three rounds of interviews and two exams (!! intense!!) for what I will loosely classify as my "dream job" (sigh) but no word on that yet, and I'm not too optimistic. You go into interviews expecting to "sell yourself" to some extent, but these guys didn't ask me anything about myself! I was quizzed a bit on Middle Eastern politics ... and they spent lots of time expecting questions from me... but didn't ask me a single question about myself! So I'm not sure I portrayed myself as well as I could have.... and am fairly confident there was another applicant able to masterfully turn the conversation to make themselves look amazing... but we'll see. Optimism, right? :-/

And to add to the jobless, moneyless reality that has become my life (haha) AIESEC is now trying to kick me out of the apartment since I'm not technically working with them anymore (not my fault!). We've been having a long and drawn out battle about that, since they technically owed me Turkish minimum wage for a month, and three alternate traineeships according to my specifications within 30 days of ending my first job, which never happened, followed by reimbursement for my ticket here and a plane ticket home in the absence of those things happening, which also didn't happen! So we'll see where this goes, but I'm basically searching for a home at the moment as well... tricky, when I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to stay in Turkey without a job or a source of income. Disaster!

So I hit my six month mark here last week and am certainly no better off, in fact rather worse off in many respects, than I was upon arrival. I have no idea how this adventure will end, but I'm certainly not ready to call a quits yet. Kristen Operation Turkey is not yet a failed mission... just one encountering some technical difficulties at the moment.... I will admit that sometimes I just wonder how much this is all worth. How much is it worth to stay in Turkey and maintain my life here as it has been? I'm not making any real career steps, I'm not making any money and have just barely enough to make one more month's worth of loan payments before I'm stuck there too. So sure, it's a fun time, but when is enough enough? Hard to draw the line, especially for someone as completely determined not to fail at anything as I am. I have been feeling just completely detached from the real world lately, in my Turkish whirlwind of a life, and the view is rather strange from quasi-outer space. It's like I'm watching my own life play out from someone far away, not in control of things. Anyway, I guess my top priority now should thus be to get myself back behind the steering wheel and do something, but what, when, how, and why? Ahh! And so continues the useless rambling from a confused girl stuck on the other side of the world....

But I will end this entry on a much happier note. Last Saturday Chris got me a ticket to Switzerland for a nice spring break trip together, so I left my problems behind in Istanbul and hopped on a flight to Zurich! We're currently still there, just a few days later, but the car is packed and we're about to drive down to Italy and Southern France for the next week! So sure, when I return to Istanbul I still won't have a job, money or a life plan, but life's a little sweeter when perks like this come along... at the end of the day, I'm still an extremely lucky girl! And never for a second throughout all of this have I ever really been unhappy... stressed, confused, doubtful, yes, but despite all my skepticism, my chin is up, and we'll just see where things go!

And now I'm off to France!!! Whoo! Expect an entry detailing those adventures (and maybe the news that I returned to Istanbul to find all my stuff in the street, haha!! :-/ hm...) next week!

Hope you're all fairing better than I am out here in the real world.... Au revoir!!! :-)

Month 5.5: Kristen Becomes a Teacher After All

2010-02-15T16:40:00.005+03:00

Good afternoon and hello again from Istanbul!

So just a little update to keep the ball rolling before another few weeks pass! Nothing as exciting as the crazy stories in my last entry, haha. Still working for my new Sworn Fiscal Advisors company... and life has settled into a kind of new routine, as it inevitably always will. Satisfying job? Nope. Lots of work for me? Not at all. But one thing I've noticed is that every job I find here (sad when you can say that you're on your third job in 5.5 months, isn't it?) is a bit better than the last. First job, 60-66 hrs, 6 days a week, no work, Hakan Bey's unpleasant antics and a complete lack of mental stimulation, for 1000 lira/ month. Second job 1000 lira, but only 40 hrs/week, maybe 2/3% of the time busy. The only bad part was that awful other intern there that worked hard to make my life pretty unbearable. Third job 1000 lira/ month, but I only work 30 hrs/week, 10 hrs of real work (teaching lessons 2hr/day), free lunch, and very nice colleagues.

So at the rate I'm going, my next job should buy me a villa somewhere, allow me to work from home, install a pool, give me 10x the salary and 6 months of paid vacation a year, as well as completely satisfying work! I guess I'm on the fast road to becoming a millionaire and retiring. Or something like that. Well, at least I'm moderately optimistic. :-) The good thing about Istanbul is that I've never been lacking job opportunities. It's easy to find work here... just a matter of finding well-paying and moderately satisfying work that's so impossible. Meh, che sarà sarà!

So, as mentioned, I am now working 30 hrs/wk. My boss told me I could pick my hrs as long as I teach a 2 hour English lesson every day.... so I roll in between 12-1pm, just in time for free lunch, chat for the next 2-3 hours after lunch with a tea break in the middle, then from 4-6pm I teach. Teaching English has been the dreaded fate of all international studies majors from the US that I have worked hard to avoid since coming here, but alas, here I am. I thought maybe I'd be giving 1-on-1 business English lessons, but to my great surprise on my first day I had a conference room full of 30 some businessmen with notebooks and pocket dictionaries, fully at attention. And thus my power trip began. Not kidding. I've been on the bottom of the work totem pole for so long, this has been my first taste of power.... and I am eating it up.

My first lesson, of course I wasn't prepared, so I just had everyone introduce themselves, and write the three or four hardest things for them in English that they want to work on. Turns out no one speaks English well enough here to even tell me. So I assigned some homework, made up a bit of a schedule, and spent that night preparing intense lessons for the week until 5:30am. Instead of using these, however, we spent all last week learning "Hello, how are you?" the alphabet, numbers, days, months, etc. I really thought I would end up hating this, but I LIKE IT! I interact with people and have some power! I stand at a huge dry erase board at the front of a big conference room, people listen to me, I give lots of homework, I call people out if they're not paying attention, and I move fast. In fact, I usually forget to give them their hourly break, and had to teach them how to remind me in English if I forget. Anyway, sure I don't want to abuse this little bit of power I've been given, but it's admittedly REALLY nice and inevitably I'm on a bit of a power trip. Plus I think in the end I'm actually a pretty good teacher! It's not hard to do when you start from the beginning of a language... things just fall into place, and after just a week I'm already seeing a lot of progress in my students, that previously spoke no English! Maybe my future aspirations (now largely abandoned) of professorship weren't completely far-fetched... I think it would be even more interesting if I was teaching something I enjoy... like a poli sci or international studies course... eh, we'll see. :-)

In the mean time, I'm passing my days away here... Have been working on CV edits and things in preparation for sending my CV out for real jobs soon... and have full intentions of pursuing at least a semi-serious job some time soon. Can't complain with what I have now, though... it's a nice, stress-free little interim job while I find my feet again here. Just a 40min walk from home...not the 10min walk I had before, it's by no means bad, and my office is right next to the biggest mall in Europe. This is, of course, a disaster. I really need to work on money management.... but I'm so poor most of the time, whenever anyone hands me my salary money, I immediately pick up the list of things I'd been making for the last month that I needed to buy when I would have money, then I go out and buy new sheets, towels, brooms, hats, rain boots, umbrellas, groceries, pens, notebooks, light bulbs, frying pans, socks, etc and suddenly I again have no money until my next salary comes, at which point I need many more things. This can't go on forever!

In other news, my Turkish is improving fast, simply out of necessity, since no one here can speak to me in English (their English is MUCH worse than my Turkish, surprisingly) and otherwise I'd be condemned to complete anti-social solitude at the office. Not a bad system. Met up with Cengiz and Mustafa, my two Turkish friends I met through my Slovak roommate 5.5 months ago that I haven't seen for months now! Really nice guys.... 34 and 36 years old...we went out for Kebaps, bowling and table tennis, and of course they always pay for everything, otherwise entertainment things like that are rather out of the question. They even gave me a ride home in their car (luxurious!) and promised to take me running at a park OUTSIDE in the next weeks. Excellent. Met up with some other friends I hadn't seen for a while every other night, because I finally have some time with this new job!

Also discovered a pet store on my way home Thursday and spent an hour in there by myself playing with two absolutely tiny (hand-sized) puppies there. Went back the next day with a camera... will post them to facebook soon. Had to pretend I was interested in buying... inquired about shots and things... and if it wasn't almost my monthly salary for one puppy, and I didn't live in such an awful place, I probably would have bought one! My heart melted! Also got two new roommates last week, speaking of pets. Again, my apartment is like a joke... "how many underpaid foreigners can you fit into a non-functional apartment?" Ugh.

Friday after work Chris came to visit me from Chicago! There was an AIESEC party at a club on Istiklal that night, so after visiting the puppies (ahem! really, my heart has melted) we went to the party. Was nice... though while I like clubs and things, sometimes I'm just more in the mood to chill. My roommates and I typically stay in with my little nargule pipe and just drink tea and talk about anything and everything, and it's quite a nice way to end our days. We also constantly communicate via email/ gchat office-to-office during the day, because none of us have any work.... ever. It's amazing how many companies are willing to pay for 20 something year olds to just sit around and facebook in their offices, mooching free tea, coffee and office supplies to supplement their low salaries. Meh.

So anyway, Chris has been here all weekend, and we've basically just hung around. Went out for raki and meze with some of my Turkish friends from Izmir Saturday night, and went out for a nice Valentines Day (they celebrate it here too!) dinner at Midpoint, a restaurant we tend to frequent just because we know it's good and Chris isn't crazy about kebaps, last night. Still trying to think of something interesting to do tonight for his last night... a few hours left to decide! I also haven't gone to the gym for almost a week now because I've prioritized my social life... bad. My legs are again in pain. So strange how that happens... it's like I feel my muscles deteriorating... ugh. Will go first thing tomorrow morning when Chris catches his flight back to Chicago. :-)

Anyway, that's basically where things stand now. Nothing very interesting, nothing too boring, nothing very bad, nothing very good, nothing new, but nothing at all old.... and so things go. :-) Will update as soon as something exciting happens again!

Hope you're all doing well, thanks for reading, and thanks for all your email blog replies!

Kisses from Istanbul! xx

Crazy Greeks, The Man Market, and Yet Another Job

2010-02-08T18:51:00.001+03:00

Merhaba! I won't even apologize for another long delay... let's just consider it done from here on out, as I think this will be a persisting trend!

So it's been almost two weeks... and again quite a lot has happened! My life here may not always be ideal, stable, rich, or pleasant, but one thing it never lacks is excitement and change, I suppose. Never a dull moment here!

Alright, so I left off during my last little bought of angst job, money and family-wise. I'd like to report a drastic improvement, but unfortunately things have only become more complicated. I think I'm basically at the point where I think things can only become more simple from here, because everything is completely upside down! But first things first..... I have a funny story to share before I rant more. And it has to do with some crazy Greek people.

SO a while back I met a guy named Stavanos at the gym. He was running on the treadmill next to me, I finished and got myself some water, so I brought him some too, and he tossed it in the air and flew off the treadmill into the wall. Haa. So this was a conversation starter, and we ended up going out for wine and a ride on his motorcycle after the gym, then we never saw each other out of the gym again. Just a casual "hello, enjoy your run!" So, just after that last post, he invited me to a BBQ at his house the following Wednesday. I accepted, and asked if I could bring my Italian roommate, Rosa. He said sure, he'd bring his Italian-speaking Greek friend and we'd make it a party, and that was that. Cue first strange occurrence.

Wednesday night Stavanos and I were waiting downstairs in the lobby of the hotel where we go to the gym for Rosa to arrive. A rather horrifying woman in a blue fur coat with ratty blonde hair walked by and immediately ran over to give Stavanos a hug and begin chatting in Turkish. He introduced me to her, and when she heard my name, she said "Kristen.... what are you doing here?" I told her I was doing an internship, and she said, "At United Towers?" Silence. That was my first company here. I told her not anymore, but asked how she knew me, and it turns out this woman was that scary woman that I spoke with on the phone back in December.... the one that wanted to hire me away from United Towers, I interviewed with, got really creeped out by and never spoke to again, but still wound up causing all the drama that ended my first job in a whirlwind of scandal. Ahhh, what a miserably small world! So we sat engaged in horribly awkward conversation for a while until Rosa arrived, when we set off for Stavanos' place where things just got weirder. Cue strange occurrence #2.

Off we walked in the snow, and about 5min later we got to his apartment. A girl was waiting outside, he barely looked at her, walked in, she introduced herself as his sister, and we all followed Stavanos inside. There was no heat, the apartment was in the basement, and the other Greek guy (that spoke no English) was out in the little outdoor area grilling. Stavanos went in the kitchen, the girl stood there with her arms crossed staring at us, and the other guy was outside alone. Thus the evening went for about 30-40min. No one talked to Rosa and me. I told her in Italian "Rosa, we should go, I think they're gonna eat us." We both laughed uncomfortably, because we weren't sure that wasn't how the BBQ was about to go. Maybe I've seen too many horror films, but it seemed pretty logical at the time.

Finally the girl started talking to me. She said she was engaged to a Greek guy that's a lawyer for Nicholas Cage, but they're having some problems so she wants to cheat on him. She then told me out of nowhere that Stavanos always does this, inviting girls to his place for BBQs then sleeping with them. I assured her that that's not how the night was gonna go, she told me she "knows" him too well for that. I told her she doesn't know me, and that was that. Every time he left the room during dinner, once it finally began, she would lean to me and whisper something about how she gives it 10 days before I sleep with him, and that I can stay tonight, she'll sleep on the couch and won't bother us, etc. The next time she asked me what his girlfriend would think if she knew I was there. What???? She and Stavanos argued all through dinner, and she kept telling him in Turkish not to forget his girlfriend, whom she said she'd been with earlier that evening. She didn't speak very good English, so I figured maybe this was some kind of messed up communication thing. Things were super awkward, but were about to get even weirder.

About 30min into this awkward dinner, the girl suddenly bursts out that she's not his sister, she's actually his ex-girlfriend, and they'd been dating for 5 years as of that morning, but broke up earlier that day over me. Her English was suddenly perfect. She said she overheard him talking to this other guy (that had no idea what was going on, because he doesn't speak English) that morning about inviting me over for XY and Z (.... ahem) and that he has cheated on her with 9 girls, I was about to be the 10th and she'd had enough. She said she came without him knowing she'd be there that night (hence waiting outside and not being acknowledged... but then why did he let her in..?) just because she wanted to know what I look like. Stavanos just sat there through this outburst, not denying or confirming anything. The other guy was just enjoying his kebap, understanding nothing, and Rosa and I were stunned. When she tearfully finished her charades, Stavanos began a slow clap and said, "bravo, bravo, bravo." I looked at him, so completely weirded out, and asked him if what she said was true, and he said yes. All three of them had been keeping this on for hours! And that's why it was so quiet and no one was talking to us! Rosa and I made a swift and immediate exit. Once we got back out in the snow, she gave me a "CHE CAZZO E' SUCCESSO??" (what the hell just happened?) to which I replied I had no idea whatsoever, and we ran home laughing hysterically at how improbably and movie-like that whole scene was. Unbelievable!!

We got home and recounted the story to our stunned roommates around 3am. Imagine what would have happened if I'd gone alone!! If nothing else, I'm glad Rosa was there to vouch it really happened. I had thought they were going to eat us, the way this girl was looking at me, and Rosa had thought they were going to make an erotic film based on the fact there were video cameras around and the girl kept saying how we could both spend the night and she'd stay too, etc etc. So... strange. I now think this girl is out to kill me..... she joined the gym where Stavanos and I go the next day, and stares at me scowling in the mirror on the wall while I work out. I will never walk home alone again. And if I disappear some time, her name is Hande.

Moving on! That weekend I went on an all-expenses-paid vacation in Beypazarı, a small, historical city outside of Ankara. The name literally means "The Man Market" (or the "sir" market) because during the Ottoman times it housed an important military base and cavalry station. It also used to be a stop on the Silk Road, so there are a lot of museums and things to see, as well as traditional houses still preserved in the form of "living museums." We left Friday night on a bus from Taksim at 1:20am, then arrived early Saturday morning in Ankara. My boss, Fırat, picked us up at the bus station and took us to Beypazarı in his car, about an hour away. We stayed at a lovely little bed-and-breakfast style in-home hotel there, owned by my boss' cousin, and big, traditional breakfasts, tea, etc were all included (not that we paid anything). It was really like staying at someone's house, and we were the only guests there until the last day.

We spent the weekend doing some sightseeing around the city, visiting museums, meeting local people, and doing some shopping. This last bit was particularly bad for me, because I have no self-control when it comes to shopping, especially with regard to jewelry, and this city is specifically known for their jewelry, particularly silver and turquoise. Turquoise is my absolute favorite stone. Ahh! SO naturally, I was weak and had just been paid the last week, so I had some cash. The thought that I might run out of money for food before the month finished did cross my mind, but I rationalized that jewelry lasts longer than food and is more enjoyable, so I bought a turquoise necklace and a ring, as well as some little silver (not real) decorated tea spoons with little gems in them and a few other trinkets. In my defense, this was the only money I spent out-of-pocket all weekend!

Saturday night we had a big dinner at a traditional restaurant in town... live Turkish traditional music, dancing (including several hours performance by an 85 year old man that dances around with everyone!) and food. I drank a bit too much Raki (traditional anis-flavored Turkish traditional drink), but in my defense my boss was the one that kept pouring for me, and he drank far, far more. :-) It was reeeealllly nice, and I even got a special recognition by the band performing as the only foreigner there. :-) They also gave me a tambourine to play (see current facebook profile picture, hahah) since I couldn't sing along with these age-old Turkish songs, and they didn't want me to feel left out. They did make me dance, though... ha, quite a site. I have videos but will not be posting them anywhere public. ;-)

After some more sight-seeing and shopping, we hit the road mid-afternoon on Sunday in my boss' car (7 of us in one car! ugh!) back to Istanbul. It took us over 7 hours to get there by bus, but only 3.5 to go back! Turkish busses = slow, and they take 30min pit-stops every hour or so. Anyway, on the way back to Istanbul we got a call from my boss' cousin that owns the bed and breakfast... apparently I was wearing someone else's boots, and they had been wearing mine. AHHH! This is the kind of thing that could ONLY happen to me! I had just bought my boots a week before, so I guess I didn't know them that well, and some chick at the place apparently had the exact same boots in the same size, and we somehow confused them. I still am convinced she took mine first, cuz the ones I put on were the only ones left by the door, so even though they did actually feel a bit different, they were my only option so I just assumed they were mine!! Upon arriving back in Istanbul, I then had to run around with one of my colleagues for several hours trying to find a place to over-night these boots back to this girl in Ankara on a Sunday night, because they were actually her sister-in-law's and she needed them, blah blah blah. Finally found a place, did it, paid for it (AHH more wasted money!) and went home. I didn't receive my boots from her until Friday. Argh. Life. Again, this is the kind of thing that can only happen to me.

Back to work Monday, fairly standard week of frustration in the accounting office dealing with the other intern there. She's also 22, had only been there 3 weeks more than me, and somehow thought she was my boss and ordered me around accordingly. Again, I don't take orders.... and the worst part is, she almost might not have known she was being so rude, because they were always in the form of, "COME HERE AND DO THIS IMMEDIATELY... please." I even gave her lessons on how to make polite requests in English, though, to no avail. We were also assigned to translate Turkish tax laws to English together, and her translations were absolutely unreadable. Really.... just a string of unrelated words with a string of nonsensical prepositions thrown in, together comprising a complete non-sentence with absolutely no meaning. She would then congratulate herself aloud on a translation job well-done, comment on how easy my job is to just make little edits to it, and act surprised at my "stupidity" when I was still trying to decipher the meaning 4 hours of Google Translate and dictionary use later. After I while I just had to be blunt. "THIS DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. Your English is crap. They are words, they are English, but just barely. It's like saying, 'tree house car street person and because for without tea cup pen to money for on after." Words, English, but no meaning." She would laugh like I was kidding. Not kidding. I will push you out a window.

Wednesday the shit hit the fan. Pardon my French. My boss had asked me to do some research and write part of his MBA thesis for him. I refused, because I think that's wrong, and was writing him an email to tell him so (because he had been out of the office all week and would be until that afternoon, when he was expecting progress from me) and after asking me to cc her and being refused, this other intern was furious at me. She said she asked nicely so I had no right to say no. I explained that a question, by its very nature, gives me the option of answering as I want, whether or not it's what she wanted to hear, otherwise it's an order phrased as a question to feign politeness. After snapping on me she'd never cc me on another email ever (...??) she waited for the boss to come and went, as I assumed, to "tattle" on me. When she emerged from his office, however, she told me Firat had told her I could leave the office then. "Actually you must leave now, today is your last day." She told me. What?? So I went in to talk to the boss, and he actually did, however unprofessionally, instruct her to tell me this. Why? Because she had informed him that I hate everyone in the office and wanted to quit my job there, because I hated everything about it. What???? And why didn't he talk to me first?

Of course by the time I cleared things up that I had in fact NEVER said that, and this was an attempt at revenge on her part, my boss has already spoken with Royal English College, the AIESEC-like organization I'm now working with, and the horrible, intern-exploiting woman in charge of it (she makes $2500/month from my company, I see $500/ month of it) told me she "knows my type" and "successful business women like (her)" don't do business with "people like (me)." She then added that I'm an intern, she doesn't need me but I need her, and that I'm 100% replaceable, and she has replaced me both in my old company and the PR agency she was going to place me in in March. After she called me a liar, told me I'm irresponsible, unaccountable, and cannot be relied on because I quit my job, and even my boss explaining it had been a misunderstanding did not convince her, I very embarrassingly burst into tears at the office.

I can't explain how completely stuck and powerless I felt in that situation... basically this girl had quit for me, the organization wouldn't work with me anymore, and I had no job and nowhere to go because some girl was angry I wouldn't cc her on an email that had nothing at all to do with her. SO after a colleague went with crying me to see the woman in charge of REC to explain the misunderstanding, this woman said "OK, I'll work with you again. No problem." But there IS a problem, she dropped me in a second, leaving me thrown out of my very precarious position as a foreigner here and completely insulted me, now thinks it's OK? I am SO sick of working with these people. I just left. I can't trust her that she won't do it again.

The next day I went to speak with my accounting boss about my options. He said I could continue working there, I hadn't quit, but this woman is the one that pays me, and she wouldn't pay me to work there anymore, so I couldn't do that. Instead, since I was still upset over the fact that someone had quit my job for me, I'd been replaced in 10 minutes, and there was nothing I could do about it, he gave me a list of partner accounting firms in Istanbul and advised me to use the office phone to contact them and see if I could find myself another job.

After about half an hour I'd sent out my CV and had an interview with another company about a 45min walk from home. OK, not so close, but could be worse.... Istanbul is huge, and with traffic you can travel 3 hours or more to work if it's on the other side (Asian/ European) from where you live. Long story short(er), I had an interview, and signed a contract to work for 1 month with this other accounting company doing the same thing... interning and helping with business English. They wanted me for longer, but I'm still hoping to find a non-teaching, REAL job in something relevant to what I want to do in life, starting in March, so I told them we'll talk in a month. Same 1000TL/month salary.... not so bad, but I'm now in super-speed mode searching for a real job.

Friday I went to an interview (through this horrible woman again....) at a PR agency. This is the kind of work I think I'd be interested in doing in the future... so I went. The interview took place in the car as I drove off with four tall, curly-haired Turkish guys, very similar looking with the same square, artsy-looking glasses. Two of them were named Mustafa. They work for one of the biggest PR agencies in Turkey, and they took me to a client meeting on the Asian side presenting some commercials they made up for an insurance company. The meeting took place in only Turkish, so I sat there and sipped tea for an hour and a half, then we drove back to the European side, and I went into the office for coffee and to discuss my job. Basically, they wanted an English teacher. Is it worth it to have a big PR agency on my resume just to teach English there? They say I can learn and help with the "real work" too, but all their clients are Turkish, so I'm skeptical that there will be anything for me to do, since all business is done in Turkish and mine is so limited. They all speak awful English, too. At the end, they offered me a job starting March 8. I haven't accepted or declined yet... want to keep my options open. I told this woman to find me an international PR firm, and she's looking. I don't want to work with her anymore, but it maybe in my best interest to at least start out with her then see what I can work out on my own. She is very well-connected, if a bitch.

Saturday I met with Carl, the American guy I met back in September, regarding finding another job here. He told me there's nothing too interesting for me within his company, but he has a friend that owns an educational consulting company on the Asian side (like my first job here....) and he had told this guy about me. He said the guy will offer me a much better salary, plus commission for recruiting students and schools, and he gave me his contact info to send my CV. We've been in touch since then, and I'll be meeting him the last weekend of Feb at a job fair I'll be working at here in Istanbul, because my former University (Miami) is coming here to recruit and asked if I could help. I'll be making $100 per day, so not a bad deal, and we'll see if I can set up a job with him. Not my ideal kind of work, long commute, but more money.... what's most important to me??

I also have a meeting for coffee scheduled with Yesim, that Devil Wears Prada textile woman to discuss whether or not she is still seeking an assistant. She hasn't hired anyone, but apparently isn't sure if it really makes sense for her to have one, because her company is I guess all over the place as she works on expanding within Europe. Maybe should have thought about that before my interview and trial week, but eh, we'll see. Again, I just want to keep my options open and hopefully find something good for the remaining 7 months I have here.

Today I started my new job at this accounting company and, as demonstrated by this long blog entry, it looks like it'll be similar to my other jobs.... not a lot of work. I walked 45min here this morning and started at 10am. I actually even woke up on time, and arrived on time! Unprecedented for me. I have just been meeting people today, and at 5pm I taught my first real English lesson.... 20 business people in a meeting room with notebooks, pens and mini-dictionaries, me with a dry-erase board on the wall, and everyone thinking I had some idea what the hell I was doing. Haha. Good thing I generally do well with power trips, and just kinda winged it. I gave them lots of homework, and tomorrow my 1 month English crash course begins... I honestly don't care anymore if all I do here is teach. The people are nice, the pay is the same I'm used to, and it's only for a month. I'll do whatever they need me to... I've basically given up on learning something from my job. All I want is to work and be challenged ... didn't think that was so much to ask for, but apparently it absolutely is. Seriously wondering if I'll ever be a real person.

Anyway, that brings us to present, sitting in my accounting office, sipping cinnamon vanilla tea and updating my blog. About to venture to the gym and hopefully go to bed early so I can get up and go to the gym at 6:30am tomorrow.... I guess my new colleagues want to take me out for dinner tomorrow after work, so I have to be free.

Will try to update again soon.... hope life is treating you all well, please continue to keep in touch, even though my email replies are a bit more delayed now that I'm not sitting idly in front of a computer for 10 hours a day! :-)

Kisses from Istanbul! xx

Such is Life

2010-01-27T14:45:00.002+03:00

I am becoming completely delinquent with this blog… another ten days have slipped by without an entry! Fortunately the whirlwind of activity that I felt somehow obliged to record in painful detail last time has subsided, so this one should be ::relatively:: brief! Unfortunately no new pictures to share this time, but I'll try to get one or two in next time!

In my last blog post, things seemed pretty exciting and promising here job-wise with the new prospective offer from the Meryl Streep textile woman, and I was making plans to go home for a visit to Chicago in March. Unfortunately it now appears that neither of these things have worked out, but I suppose both situations present that kind of “live and learn” BS that they tell you makes you a better person in the end. :-) We’ll start with the job, because this situation has made me realize even more the absolute necessity of me finding a real job some time in the not-so-distant future before my chances for becoming a real, semi-serious person are diminished too severely.

On Monday morning my time of being sold to Yeşim, previously referred to as “Meryl Streep” began. I guess it’s a common trend to sell your interns’ cheap labor to friends, clients, and whomever else might be interested… the same thing happened this summer for my last one of my four months interning at the Swiss Consulate in Chicago. The rush of activities that had consumed May-July subsided, so for August I was sold to the Swiss Business Hub. This time I was sold to an international import-export textile company but really at the end of the day I could care less who I provide cheap labor for. I’m basically looking for as many diverse experiences as I can get my hands on. Plus, while my job at the international accounting company is infinitely better than my first job here, I (surprise, surprise) find accounting a bit dull, so was up for a change. Anyway, I began work with the new company on Monday, Jan 18 to begin my “trial week” of four days. Yeşim, the woman that started and owns the company, had a client coming in from India and she wanted me to be there that week to see how things would go. Sounded promising, so Monday morning I went over to Nışantaşı (still less than a ten minute walk from home) to begin my work.

When I arrived at her office, I greeted her cat (yep, black cat with green eyes that she caries around, totally fits the part) and we began. She gave me the grand tour, showed me my desk and where the tea and coffee is (and even the Absolute vodka!), told me to help myself to anything in the kitchen, expressed her happiness that I get along well with her cat (though the thing ripped like four pairs of my tights throughout the week) and started explaining more about the company. Mid-afternoon we went to met the Indian client that came in… Minak. He owns a haute couture export company in India… they hand-embroider BEAUTİFUL embellishments and accessories to add to evening gowns, then sell them abroad. I guess he’s the biggest seller in Asia and the Middle East and is now looking to expand to Europe. His things were gorgeous.

Our (well, Yeşim’s, and mine for the week) role was then to take him to these top fashion designers in Istanbul to sell his pieces. First stop: Özlem Süer… who designs dresses worn at the Golden Globes, Oscars, etc etc for celebrities and is a top provider of garments to the Saudi Arabian princesses. I kid you not. Her house was gorgeous, and I then spent my first evening of work with little sparkles in my eyes, jaw on the floor, staring at all the gorgeous pieces being sold and where they were going, while enjoying very classy tea and biscuits. Tried to sit up as straight as possible and cross my legs properly, etc etc, but still felt a bit out of place and underdressed (like the Panic at the Disco fashionista song!) for that kind of atmosphere. Regardless, it was really interesting, even though I just took the order notes as they were given with various modifications to be made back in India. I even got to look at her latest 2010 collection of evening gowns and other pieces, which were also SO nice. Worked until almost 10pm, but I definitely didn’t mind, and got a free taxi ride home.

And so the week went, visiting various top-notch fashion designers… mostly Turkish, but two French and one Italian as well. Nice design studios, pictures of Janet Jackson and Angelina Jolie in their dresses… quite the life! I was just kinda floating around thinking a.) how much fun this work is, and b.) how nice it is not to be sitting in a chair staring at a computer all day, but actually to be out and interacting with real people! I was really, really excited about all this! The only down side of the week was the fact that the Indian guy kept giving me orders, but thanks to my Indian internship, I understand the way companies and business hierarchies work in India enough to not be offended. Generally no one says please, no one says thank you, and if you’re below them, you should be intimidated to speak to them and should willingly obey orders. I naturally have a bit of trouble with this. Sure, they save some time skipping out on the formalities, but it took quite a bit of getting used to in my office there, and it’s something I have again become unaccustomed to since I left Hyderabad. For the record, I did not and do not obey orders. :-) Call it a personal preference….

Friday I was back at the accounting company… conversations about accounting and finance this and that with the boss, more booking invoices, and a few hours teaching business English lessons at the end of the day. I was rather optimistic, given how the week went, for getting this job. Saturday, however, I received a phone call from a colleague of mine from the accounting company telling me that she’d spoken with the boss and he told her to tell me (…. Junior High School?) that I was not allowed to work with Yeşim anymore, that I was not allowed to access gmail from work anymore (OK, legit…) and that I was going to be teaching more lessons at the office. Now why this wasn’t conveyed directly to me, but rather through another 22 year old intern at the company, I’m not sure, but it made me rather angry. I’m a big communication person, and being spoken to directly is extremely important for me for a number of reasons, not the least being that I would rather not have the other interns involved in my personal matters anyway.

As I couldn’t call my boss, I instead called Yeşim and she told me that she’d spoken with my boss too, that he wants me only at the accounting company for the remainder of my internship, and that ::maybe:: we could talk after that to do something with her, but she’s looking for an assistant now. Ahhh! Crushed dreams!!! OK, not quite that dramatic, but I was very unhappy nonetheless! Here comes my ONE prospect of an actually interesting and potentially longer-term (longer.. everything is relative) job here… we’d talked about getting a work permit, taking more lessons to improve my Turkish, going with her to Paris and Milan, and now… I’m back filing invoices at the accounting company just as quickly as I left here. While before the accounting company seemed like just such a huge improvement I was quite content, now I’ve been given a taste of a much more exciting job that was briefly within my reach, but isn’t anymore, and that makes it borderline depressing to be here. My boss has been out of the office all week, so I haven’t even been able to speak with him. I received an email from Yeşim after our call Saturday saying it was her pleasure to work with me, thanking me for my work, and telling me I’m always welcome at her office to “discuss my future.” I wrote back asking if she was free to meet this week before she left for Italy (I think that’s tomorrow) but I haven’t heard back, and she even floated into the office briefly today to say hello, but nothing more. Maybe it’s just that I’m so new to all of this, but I’m incredibly confused… and apparently back to the drawing board job-wise here. I did not want to break up my 14 months here into tiny little chunk internships, so I could get some solid experience in SOMETHING, but that’s not working out so well for me.

Anyway, I’ve also yet again been stressing out over …. Hm, well, the rest of my life, basically. I should at least have a desired career path decided now so I can start looking into what I need to study to get myself there, then can begin to focus on where to study to do that, how to get in, how to pay for it, etc etc, but I’m just as confused about all of that as the day I came here, if not more-so, and have no idea how much time I have left or when the acceptable time to do little internships ends. I’m confused about what I’ll do in March, nonetheless after Turkey, and not to even mention 10 years from now! At least I’m not so alone… I have been in touch with a number of my friends lately that are in the same place. Underemployed (working in the service industry or retail in the US with their college degrees because they couldn’t quite make it into where they wanted to be), stuck, and dreaming about a perfect job that may or may not come in the near or not-so-near future. I never knew post-graduation life would be like this, but it’s a common trend. Those of my friends that chose to go abroad and work for peanuts in exchange for a “priceless international experience” are finding themselves just as confused and just as completely poor as me… but misery loves company… and it does make me feel better about my own situation. :-)

Ah, and speaking of being poor, I am very much so, and this has caused me to disappointingly rule out the possibility for going home in March as I’d hoped. Both my grandma took pretty bad falls a couple weeks ago, coincidentally. One has a broken hip but is doing better, but the other was in the hospital for some time, and is now in a full-time care rehabilitation facility. She will never be able to live on her own again. It’s always been hard for her in particular, because she’s a very intelligent woman, 100% astute still at the age of 89, but she was almost and is now completely physically handicapped. She and I are very close, and it’s not easy to see her doing so poorly while I’m so far away… so I figured March, after this internship ends and before whatever I will do next begins, would be a good time to jet off to Chicago for a week or so. It marks just over 6 months here, my half-way mark, my very pregnant cousin was planning her baby shower for the weekend I planned to be home, and my sister also was conveniently going to be turning 25 during my visit. I soon discovered, however, that the ticket would cost more than what remains in my meager US bank account, plus about half of my monthly salary here. Basically going home would ruin me... I am barely making it now (didn’t eat dinner for the three days before receiving my 2-week salary last week because I ran out of money… good thing my company buys my lunch!). Making $200/ month loan payments on my $650/month salary plus paying off that ticket would most likely be impossible. My parents told me this is the lifestyle I chose, and I have to live with the consequences of that… and also that I should have figured it would possibly be the last time I saw my grandma when I left here five months ago. Not an easy thing to hear. Anyway, I suppose they’re right, I definitely did realize I would be making a lot of sacrifices to come here, and this is just one of them… just a little difficult for me to swallow.

But not to end on a dark note, life otherwise continues on the same as always here. Have been passing my evenings with the usual suspects, and even met a huge group of Polish and Lithuanian Erasmus students Friday night at a nargule bar on the Asian side of İstanbul. If there’s one thing I’m not short of here, it’s new people! Wound up in a political debate about Turkey and the EU… was told by a bunch of Turkish people I sounded like a Turkish patriot, and after making a few bows in my general direction and expressing their complete surprise that a foreign girl can understand them, they told me they’d vote for me for Turkish president and we moved on to talk about headscarves. Haha. I do miss political debates over cheap beer, as that’s how I spent most of my evenings in University.

Saturday morning we woke up to more than a foot of snow on the ground…. Who knew İstanbul could get so much snow? It snowed non-stop through yesterday (Tuesday) but has now stopped, leaving the city just very pretty. Wish we’d had this around Christmas time! Then again, I saw quite a lot of snow on Christmas in Switzerland. :-) Got my 2-week salary in the afternoon, allowing me to go grocery shopping for the first time in three weeks, which was wonderful. Actually hung out with my 11 roommates Saturday night… we’re like a mix between a football team and the UN when we go out together, representing 12 countries in a large pack, but it was quite nice. Was brave enough to get my first Turkish hair cut on Sunday…. It had been almost 7 months since my last haircut, so it was about time to avoid looking completely mangy. :-) Sunday night Matteo had some Italian friends visiting from Italy again (he has had more visitors than anyone I know!) so I made some bruschetta and went over for a very nice night of Italian food and Italian people! There were also 2 Turkish girls there that speak Italian because they were Erasmus students in Bari, so we spoke a kind of Turk-alian (or Ital-ish?) at times that was pretty funny! Matteo and Lorenzo are done with exams and will be going home in a month after some touring around Turkey. I don’t know what I’ll do when they’re gone!!!! Especially Matteo and I have bonded to an almost shocking degree during our short time together... I completely adore him, and think of him more as a brother than a friend. Ah, life. :-(

In other news….was ripped off 35 lira yesterday when I paid for 15 lira ear phones with a 50 lira bill and somehow forgot to take my change. I went back a few minutes later, but they insisted they had given it to me, I insisted I did not have it, and after a bit of going in circles in my broken Turkish, I gave up. Again, live and learn I guess, but that’s like 2 days worth of my salary! And now here I am at the accounting firm, typing my blog entry into a word document to be pasted to the web site in a minute, just so I at least look legit in the absence of real work. I have been teaching more business English lessons here…. And even had to work with a woman yesterday that doesn’t even know a basic “hello, how are you?” in English… I am so not qualified to be teaching English at all, nonetheless beginning English, but I prepared lessons last night and hopefully things will go well today. Barbeque tonight at Stavanos’ house, the Greek guy I met at the gym, so I’m bringing Rosa, my Italian roommate (whom I adore) … should be interesting.

Alright, and that’s enough ranting for the day. I’ll try to post again relatively soon… hope everyone is doing well, and as always keep the emails coming, I love reading them, even though I’ve admittedly been a bit behind now that I’m not on gmail 10 hours a day, every day responding to emails as I was at my last job! That was the only perk!

Cutting off. Have a great day, and thanks for reading!!!

New Years in a Car, İzmir, Çeşme, Sirinci and Kristen as an Accountant

2010-01-18T05:36:00.008+03:00

Merhabalar everyone!!!! So, I´m well aware of my blog delinquency. Çok pardon. Don´t worry though... I´ve thought out a few good and extremely convincable excuses! I thus attribute the delay since my last entry to an unusually jam-packed schedule, a Swiss visitor, a new accounting job and a general lack of internet throughout the course of all of that! Acceptable? Either way, I will continue.... and I will even attempt to add pictures to this entry! Slowly but surely, I´m mastering this blog thing...

So let us begin. Last I wrote I was back from my lovely Swiss Christmas and I had just quit my job. Tuesday, Dec 30, was my last day at work, quite cleanly finishing up my fourth month. My colleagues at United Towers had a cake for me on my last day, candles and all... a very nice way to end my generally not-so-enjoyable time there, and we´ve been in touch since. Before leaving the office Hakan Bey told me that I´ll always have friends there, and that there are two Hakans... office Hakan, and out-of-office Hakan, and now that he´s not my boss, he´s my friend. Wanted to ask, "I beg your pardon, but with which Hakan am I speaking at the moment?" I resisted. So I thanked him, agreed to come back and visit some time or call him if I needed anything, and hit the road with a final, nicely timed, almost touching exchange of "iyi akşamlar"s. Since then I´ve received a few emails from him asking how life is going and telling me to come back and visit. Surprising... I thought we were arch enemies! Nice I don´t seem to have burned any bridges there, and I´ve finally moved on!

So after quitting, I went to İzmir (southern Turkey) for New Years. Pulled yet another all-nighter Tues night (why do I always do this?) and hit the road early Wed morning, New Years Eve. Missed the Havaş bus from Taksim to the airport because I have no sense of urgency in my life and am always late for everything ... and instead paid 50 lira to a taxi driver to take me to Sabia Gökçen, the airport on the Asian side of İstanbul. It was actually supposed to be 80TL, but I let the creep-o flirt a bit on the way there and just smiled and nodded and made him think that by giving me his number there was a chance I would let him pick me up post-İzmir to take me out for Rakı (Turkish anis flavored liquor... really popular) and fish (I don´t even eat sea food). Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

Miraculously made my plane with plenty of time despite leaving Taksim at 8:15am to go to an airport more than one hour away and catch a 9:50am flight. No rush after that, cuz I was quite early. My original plan was to go to İzmir on Jan 1 to meet up with Onat and his family. I later changed my ticket to Dec 31 because the Bursa AİESEC trainee group that had stayed in my flat a while back were going to Çeşme, a little beach town outside of İzmir, for New Years Eve, and this seemed more appealing to me than crowded, cold and rainy İstanbul. The cheapest flight was this morning one, but the crew wasn´t getting in until dinner time, so I planned to kill the afternoon in İzmir by myself.

When I left the airport and found myself amongst palm trees inhaling hot air and being baked by the sun, I had no doubt that this would be OK. I took off my furry-hood winter jacket, scarf and hat (bad choice to bring those) caught another Havaş (I should purchase stock in this company) and got off near the Swissotel. I had made plans for lunch at the İzmir branch of my old company so I could meet some of those people that I had worked with via phone and email. I was in touch with a girl named Ozge, with whom I spoke most socially from my bored office days, and she came out to meet me and take me to the office. Everyone there was very nice and sat around chatting for a few hours (basically what I did at my office, too). Thought it might be a bit weird since I´d just suddenly quit the day before and had sent an email out to notify them at the very end of the day, but it wasn´t! They have a cook in the kitchen, so I stayed for lunch (börek... yumm), hung out a bit more, and took some pictures together (like the one above). Ozge gave me some really good Turkish delights from a famous İzmir company, and I was on my merry way!

Did a bit of shopping on their equivilant of İstiklal...bought a pair of really high shoes that I will never wear because I already think I´m too tall, but they´re quite cute!!! Onat then came to pick me up in the car to hang out with him and his friends for the afternoon until my crew got there. I just tagged along for a few hours, but suddenly it was around 6pm and my friends were apparently just leaving Bursa by car. Onat and his friends were picking up a few final things for their NYE party at one of the guy´s parents´ place, so I told him to just leave me in a Starbucks somewhere. Unfortunately he´s too nice for that, so instead he insisted I tag along to this party. Everyone was dressed up, and the guy´s mom had set the table with really fancy place settings for exactly the number of people coming. I was the random American girl with a giant backpack that just got off a plane, had been wandering the streets all day, and was now crashing their party. I felt SO bad. They were of course very nice, but I was incredibly uncomfortable. The guy´s mom set a place for me too, and as I was wishing for my friends to come get me, I started to wonder what was more rude..... coming, sitting awkwardly for a bit then leaving, or leaving in the middle of a dinner I wasn't even invited to but was graciously included in. Ah, social situations. Fortunately my friends arrived around 10pm, literally just before the meal was going to start. I thanked them very much for setting a place for me and providing a temporary haven for my displaced self, and I made my exit.

Unfortunately the evening didn´t get any more organized. I piled into the car with Egemen, two Moroccan guys and a Polish girl, and with that we were off to Çeşme... they´d swung out of their way to get me in İzmir. Unfortunately we did not have directions, so onward we drove, uncomfortably fast, through middle-of-nowhere, curvy mountain roads, pitch black aside from the light from the car. Around 11pm we were losing hope... stopped at a gas station for a beer and (don´t judge) a loaf of bread, cuz we were STARVİNG and no other food was in sight. Kept driving, sipping beer, sharing bread and inevitaly laughing at our strange predicament. 11:30 came and went and we began to come to terms with the fact that we would probably be in the car at midnight. And so 2010 began... crammed in the back of the car with a loaf of bread, a beer and a few other expats. You can see us there above... the back seat crowd celebrating the New Year. Haha. No one was mad.. I mean, it would have been nice to have directions and have made it to the chalet before midnight, but the whole New Years thing is a bit overdone anyway, right? We can just say we celebrated European New Years an hour later!

Arrived around 12:30 or so to the chalet... FİNALLY. Now we see why the place was so cheap... it was in what in the summer must be a beautiful little resort town, but is a complete ghost town in January!! Fortunately the group was about 35 people, so it was quite lively anyway, and the party was well on its way when we showed up with our İstan-blue vodka and tired selves. The party was nice... it was definitely nice to see the ones that I knew again and to meet so many new trainees. Anyway, this was my new years.... sometimes these things are disorganized, but still nice, other times it´s such a hassle that you´re not sure if it´s worth it. I´m still not sure if it was worth changing my flight to go to Çeşme for just half a day before heading back to İzmir for the normal program, but I did it, and it was a nice party, so that´s that.

When we woke up in the morning, we were all rather surprised by our surroundings... we really had no idea where we were since everything was pitch black the night before!! Little dirt roads, but a beautiful beach (above) and an overall summery looking neighborhood of brightly colored vacation homes and a comically dirty and run-down sign that read "HOLIDAY VILLAGE." After breakfast (more bread... literally middle of nowhere) we head off for the beach, just behind our chalet. This place would undoubtedly be quite nice in the right season! The beach was very pretty. The water was freezing, but just the mere fact that we were on a beach in January was enough to keep me happy!

Didn't have a swim suit (January...) so I just rolled up my leggings and went in up to my knees. The boys insisted on running all the way into the cold water together... after doing push-ups to prove their rugged masculinity. Haha. Thanks to some overly aggressive hugs and a few pushes and shoves, I also wound up mostly wet by the end! The rest of the group stayed at the chalet until Sunday, but Egemen and I hit the road around 3pm so I could meet Onat in Izmir as planned, and Egemen could hit the road back to Istanbul... about an 8 hour drive... because he had to work the next day (Saturday). We arrived just about an hour later (easier with daylight), had a beer with Onat (first time they'd seen each other since India over a year ago) and Egemen hit the road. Onat and I went back to his family's flat (really nice area near the beach) and the real Izmir adventure began. :-)

We started by going out for dinner with his sister... her name is Melis, she´s 23 and is very sweet. We had İskander.... which is basically a big plate of greasy meat with yogurt and (warning: reading this next part may clog your arteries merely by doing so) MELTED BUTTER AND OIL poured on top. Haha. We spent the remainder of the evening playing the Turkish strategy game "OK" with their Mom at home. The next morning we set off early for Ephesus (here is the Wiki site for those of you who may be unfamiliar http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ephesus). Soo exciting!! I'm such an enormous nerd for these things. Seriously. As demonstrated by my pose in the theater below, haha. But really I just love places like this, and despite the chilly and rainy weather on the drive over, the weather was sunny and nice when we arrived... quite conducive to hours of wandering the ruins of an ancient Greek city! After leaving Ephesus, we swung by the Virgin Mary's home (who knew this was in Turkey??) just to say a quick hello.

We spent the rest of the afternoon in Sirinci, a little Aegean village up in the mountains that's name literally means "pretty." It's known for its locally produced wines and olive oil.... and sure enough we drove through miles of vineyards and olive groves to reach the place. The streets were filled with elderly women selling hand-made goods like knit socks (bought some for my freezing bedroom), soaps, oils, etc. I know it's still somewhat of a touristy place, and all those little handicrafts are cleverly being sold to tourists seeking the "authentic Turkish experience" but they sure fooled me! It was by far the most traditionally Turkish place that I have been to... I spend most of my time in the bustling European city of Istanbul. It was really nice.... we spent a large part of the afternoon tasting various wines, settled on a mellon and a pomegranate, and made our way back to Mavi Sehir, Izmir. You can see a picture of Sirinci below. :-)

Onat's entire family took me out for a really nice fish dinner that night.... OK ... no, I don't like fish but.. it was a nice place, and I even tried a few things, plus the company and atmosphere much made up for the fact that fish isn't my favorite dish to eat. Major perk at such dinners? Raki, the Turkish anise flavored alcoholic beverage, is consumed in large quantities with the meal. I again found myself very happy to be out with such a very kind and hospitable family that welcomed me into their home. I may be quite far from my family way out here in Turkey, but I'm never short of kind people to make me feel right at home. The wonderful people I have met throughout my various travels are by far the biggest and most rewarding perk of living such a life. I've been incredibly lucky to have been able to create such a global network of friends, and I hope to continue to do so!!

Anyway, Sunday was my last day in Izmir, and our flight was in the late afternoon (Onat flew back to Istanbul with me on his way to London) so we went to the zoo in the morning! Whoo! I haven't been to a zoo for probably at least 10 or 12 years! It was funny though.... animals like deer and ducks were on display... things thought of more as pests than anything else in the US! I guess it's easy to forget that such things can be somewhat of a novelty out of their normal settings! The zoo overall was really nice, though, and just a year or two old... there were even elephants!! And I have an incredibly irrational obsession with elephants.... really made me itch to go back to India!!

SO thus my little series of trips ended and I found myself back in rainy and cold Istanbul Sunday evening! Monday morning I had a meeting to do some paperwork for my new job, but I conveniently had 2 days to relax a bit before my job actually started Wednesday morning. I ran errands all day Monday... you'd be surprised how much you can actually get done in a day while on a mission... and Monday evening Chris came to visit me from Switzerland! Again!! He arrived around 8pm on Monday and stayed until the following Monday morning, which was a very nice surprise. Plus he fixed my wardrobe, internet, heating problems (Swiss space heater), mini flashlight (big deal) and toilet!! :-) We had Monday night to go out with some of the Italians for Nargule (above), and Tuesday to just kinda laze around the apartment, hang out and go out for a nice dinner on Istiklal. Wednesday morning I set off for my new job, but (get this!) I don't start until 11am!! My boss originally wanted me from 1pm to 9pm, but I told him that was too late for me, and he agreed that I could pick my 8 hours I'd like to work. I chose these hours... completely reasonable with my habits of staying up until 4am every day.... so I could go to the gym in the morning without getting up before the sun while the call to prayer echos around the neighborhood! Whoo!

So far I really like this new job! I know nothing about accounting, finance, CPAs, etc, but they're very willing to teach me, because doing so improves their English vocabulary, and I'm very eager.... maybe overly eager... to learn anything and everything they are willing to throw at me. The company is called Ak Denetim, and they do tax and accounting consultancy work. The office is really nice, with nicely polished wood floors and a gorgeous full-span view of the Bosphorus (and therefore the sea and Asia on the other side) out floor-to-ceiling windows. My colleagues are all VERY nice, and my boss is just great too! So refreshing, and my brain is in use again! Excellent.

But wait! Things get even better! Last week a number of our client companies came in for a meeting. I made a few contacts and have a nice collection of business cards... and one woman told me she likes me because I have "spunk" and asked if I have any time for some part-time work with her company. I told her I'm already working full-time, but she spoke with my boss, then came and informed me that if it's OK with me, they'll be splitting paying my salary, and will split my time between them. At first I was opposed to this, but the next morning I went to her office for a three hour breakfast before work, and I am incredibly intrigued by her business.... not to mention she has now potentially offered me a position with her company after my internship...

Actually me getting the job is conditional on my performance this coming week, when I'll be working for her with her international clients after I leave the accounting company. Gulp! A man came in for an interview after me to her office... for the same position... and he's like 50. So you can have the completely inexperienced 22 year old American girl, or the very experienced 50 year old Turkish man.... though she tells me I have the advantage because I'm "young, intelligent and attractive." Ha!! I guess I am better at being an assistant than this guy would inevitably be, though, because I am positive I take orders better. I am very intrigued by all of her offers, though. Allow me to explain a bit more...

The company was started by this woman, and it imports evening gowns, embellishments and accessories from India and Pakistan to top fashion designers in Istanbul, and they're now opening markets in Europe, starting with Italy! Sounds a bit too perfect, doesn't it? India-Istanbul-Italy... all it needs to do is open a branch in Illinois and we have the top four places that start with an I where I've spent the majority of my life! :-) Now, how qualified I am to enter the world of fashionistas is yet to be seen, and this woman is totally Devil Wears Prada -esque, but the whole thing just intrigues me very much... and I have almost nothing to lose here! So, I start tomorrow evening. I'll work Mon-Wed watching her deal with her Indian/Pakistani suppliers, Turkish couture fashion designers and rich clients buying this stuff (oooh but the dresses are beauuutiful) then Thursday and Friday she wants me to do it WITHOUT HER THERE. Not possible!! Nooot possible! My Turkish is SO not good enough to translate orders from Turkish clients to the others!!! So... yes we'll see how this goes.

Life is pretty standard otherwise...Got a new roommate last week from Napoli... more Italians in my life! Whoo! We also got two new roommates, one from Ukraine and one from Australia (but she's Malaysian) bringing our grand total back up to eleven. Friday night my French friend Gregory had his 26th birthday soiree and, amongst countless Europeans, the usual crowd, I encountered a bunch of other Americans there. Basically an embarrassingly drunk 45 year old woman from Alaska that teaches small children, then a bunch of 20-somethings also teaching English. Aside from one absolutely hilarious and enjoyable aspiring law school guy from Philly, I was completely unimpressed with all of them. I guess I do understand more of those anti-American stereotypes... but at least me and my new Philly friend could sit and be judgmental together and talk about how we are such far superior Americans. ;-)

Saturday night was a big Tarkan concert in Taksim... Tarkan is a very famous Turkish pop star.. but I didn't go. Had a few problems with Turkish men while walking home after Friday night's soiree, so being in a big crowd of Turkish men at a free concert was not quite how I wanted to spend my evening. Wound up grabbing a drink with Matteo, Rosa (my new Italian roommate) and Julia, another of my roommates from New Zealand, on Istiklal, then meeting up with Yunus, a Turkish friend of mine that I met at a Model UN conference in Montreal a few years back. He studied at MIT and is now working for Apple in California, but was visiting for the weekend. Small world! Hadn't seen him in like three years, so that was nice and totally random!

And that's (finally) all from me!!! Hope you're all doing well, happy belated New Year, and I'll be posting again before another three weeks elapse this time!!! As always, thanks for reading! xox

Christmas in Switzerland!

2009-12-30T18:05:00.002+03:00

Hello, hello and a belated Merry Christmas!! Quite a bit has happened here since my last post... and I'm back in Istanbul after a six day holiday in Switzerland (picture above... me and Chris skiing in the alps :-))! Only back here for two days, though, before I jet off to Izmir for New Years... but I'll pick up where I left off last Tuesday!

After the little ordeal with my attempt at a covert job operation and the in-office scandal that ensued, I left the office very dramatically in the early afternoon... everyone knew the shit had hit the fan, and were curiously asking me questions as I took my box of cereal from the kitchen and hit the road. Can't leave a trace. At that point, I wasn't sure if I wanted to come back at all. I walked over to the AIESEC office and met with Rejep for about an hour, completely frustrated by everything. Didn't help that upon arriving there they tried to give me juice and cake, but I dropped it on the floor. Flimsy plate and only one hand.... sigh. We looked through a few other potential traineeships, but again I can be only cautiously optimistic at best... I know how these things often fail to pan out into anything. He said he'd contact them about setting up an interview, one at a time, and we'd see where things go. And that's how we left things.

With no desire to go back to the office, and considering it was late afternoon anyway, I got directions to the Istanbul post office and set off on a journey to track down the package from my parents. Istanbul is huge... about 2 hours later I found myself way on the outskirts of the city, with no big buildings in sight, just open fields and the occasional little shop or two. Nuts. So after making my way around, asking varoius people where the postane was, I eventually found it and wandered around building to building, entrance to entrance, speaking with various people and finally winding up in the international parcel department. No one spoke a word of English. So I told them in my broken Turkish, "There is package from America for me.... it is here, and I want it." Haha. I put in a few "please"s too, don't worry. The girl at the front desk looked it up, said it just arrived at 7am that day, and would have to wait for a week and a half before I could take it. What?? So I told her I was leaving the country the next day and really needed it, but she said she couldn't help me. I asked to speak to someone above her. She brought me to another room of people that told me the same thing. I begged (I have no shame) they told me no. I started to cry.

Now whether or not this was voluntary is up for grabs. I could have certainly prevented myself from crying... but instead, as soon as I felt that lump well up in my throat, I decided to milk it for all it was worth and play the cute and pathetic card. So there I stood, in this dark, dirty little mail room, surrounded by angry-looking Turkish men, wearing pink mittens and a knit hat, crying, and that's all it took. One guy jumped up and told me to stop crying, patted me on the back (I didn't stop crying.. harder to make yourself stop than to make yourself start) and ran into the back room. Eventually I calmed down, explained to them in broken Turkish again that I was having problems here in Istanbul, and now I just needed this Christmas package from my parents for my first holiday away from home, and they gave me pieces of apple while I waited. Hahaha. Soo excellent.

So about 30min later the guy jumps out from the back room again, holding my package!! He'd dug it out from the huge piles of packages that had arrived that day and were waiting to go through customs. Yay!! So I immediately lit up and gave the guy a huge hug. Social cues aside, I was thrilled and didn't much care how this action would be interpreted. He told me to follow him, and as I followed him through some dark little hallways to another back room, I wondered exactly what I owed this guy for digging out my package. Ha. But fortunately we just went back to another room with about six Turkish guys there that opened the package and dug through it to make sure there weren't any bombs or narcotics in it. :-) While I waited there they showered me in, "You have beautiful eyes," "You're a beautiful girl... do you have a boyfriend?" "Where do you live here? Can I take you out for dinner?" Ugh. These guys varied in age from 20 to probably over 60. Strange how this works.

After searching my package through and through, they approved it, I thanked them and reached for it, and they informed me I had to pay 200 lira to retrieve it. What?? So I got mad and asked, "OK, who is this money going to? You? Or you?" Argh, but it turns out it's an obscenely high tax on the good brought in... had I known, I would have just had my parents misrepresent the value of the ski clothes and things they sent! But alas. After begging again (yeah, still have no shame) and informing them that I'm poor and that's 20% of my monthly salary and I can't afford to pay it, because I'll have nothing left for the rest of the month, all they succeeded in doing was to ask me out on dates and tell me there was nothing they could do about the tax, but by the way I'm very pretty. There was one woman there, and she told me she doesn't think I could possibly be poor, because I'm wearing jewelry and my parents are sending me expensive things, but I tried to explain that I'm living with 11 people in an apartment with one non-functioning bathroom, my parents don't support me anymore, and my jewelry is fake. Only mildly successful. After paying the fee, I took the package and started to leave. One guy insisted I take 15 lira from his pocket to make up for it. Sweet, haha, but I didn't. About 5 of the guys from the place walked me to the tramway where I had to go back through Sultan Ahmet to catch the metro home, and after giving up on getting my phone number, we parted ways. What an ordeal!

Stopped at the Grand Bazaar on my way home to buy some Christmas gifts, and arrived home around 8pm completely weighed down with packages. Finally opened the package from my parents... some very cute little Christmas things, lots of candy (ha), and lots of very nice ski clothes for me to use on my Christmas trip. :-) Thanks Mom and Daddy! About 30min later Matteo and his friend Gianluca, visiting from Torino, came over to my place for some wine, and we all went out to dinner. I'm very glad I got to meet Gianluca... he's just as sweet as Matteo! Ah, I love, love these Italian guys. After a very nice dinner and some nargule, we went back to my apartment to collect Gianluca's luggage, the boys left, and I pulled an all-nighter packing for Switzerland. I do this every time before I fly somewhere. My life.

Not having slept, but very thoroughlly packed, I dragged my suitcase down 8 flights of stairs and into a taxi, then a bus, then through the airport, until I was finally, finally on a plane to Switzerland to see Chris!! Honestly, this vacation could not have come at a more perfect time after the ordeal I had to endure on Tuesday between work and the postane!! I could just forget it all and wait until next week to pick up the pieces of my Turkish life. After a three hour flight, the entirety of which I slept, I arrived in Switzerland, and Chris was there waiting to pick me up. And so my Swiss Christmas began!

We drove back right away to Veltheim in what he calls his mom's little "go-kart" car... which is just one of those very cute little cars you can only find in Europe. Try driving one of those in Chicago and some soccer mom in an SUV will take you out. Veltheim is a very cute little village outside of Zurich, very small and countryside-esque (perhaps it actually is the countryside?). I met his parents right away at home... very sweet people...and there was even a little "Welcome Home Kristen and Chris" sign... so cute!! We basically spent the day shopping for ski gear and last minute Christmas gifts, had dinner at home, then sat by the fire for a while... after some Skype calls home to let my parents know I was still alive. :-) Slept in on Christmas Eve, which was much-needed and much-welcomed, went to pick up the skis we'd had fitted the day before, then went to his Aunt's house for Christmas dinner. More very nice people, and they even gave me little Christmas gifts, despite never having met me! It was a really nice evening, I even tried eating fish, and we got home a bit after midnight.

Christmas morning, after a very early breakfast at home with Chris' parents (and a few espressos), we hit the road for Flims, a little ski town about 2 hours away from Veltheim. After checking our stuff into a hotel in town, we geared up in our ski stuff (felt so legit... the first step to skiing is looking like someone that skis!) and went to the Alps! Now, please note I'd never ever been skiing before, but I wasn't so nervous anyway. I fall all the time without being in skis, and concrete sidewalks tend to be harder than snow, so there wasn't anything new to worry about. :-) At 11:30am we began 2 hours of private ski instruction... well... OK it was mostly for me, becuase he could ski already. Actually, it was completely for me. But I learned how to put on skis (key), plow, and stop, at least the latter of which is crucially important. After a couple hours of practice, we ventured to a restaurant up in the mountains for some soup, then began my first blue course! It was actually not so difficult, despite taking a few (or more than a few) tumbles. At least when I fall it's very dramatic... no sissy falls for me... more like poles fly up, skis fly off, cloud of white snow moving down the hill... hehe. After two runs, it was already almost dark out, so we had to call it a night. What a nice Christmas, though, skiing in the Swiss Alps! The weather could have been better... it was a bit wet and rain/snowy, but that meant fewer people for me to potentially pummel into (I only knocked Chris down once), so it was a good first day!

The hotel was just a 2 minute walk away from the mountains, but by the time we took off our ski gear, got back to the hotel, chilled for a while, showered and began our quest for Christmas dinner, it was after 10pm and absolutely no place was open!! After wandering around on foot, then getting in the car and driving to another city nearby (also dead) we returned to our hotel restaurant, that was closing, but they made an exception for us. The guy there told us that had it not been Christmas, we wouldn't have had a problem finding a place that was open. They served us salads and .. some kind of pork.. it has a real name, but I forget. Oh, uncultured me. Paired with a very nice bottle of wine, it was quite good, and finished off Christmas very well. :-)

On the morning of the 26th we got up early for breakfast at the hotel before hitting the slopes again. And by slopes, I mean bunny hills (to start with, anyway). I found all my confidence, however unjustified, from the day before was totally gone, and I couldn't even make myself go to the bunny hill! Pathetic, I know, but eventually I worked up the nerve, learned to use a little ski lift thing (kinda fun!) and somehow allowed Chris to take videos of me skiing, one which includes me plummeting to the ground at the end of the bunny hill and losing a ski. I'd like to note that was the first time I'd fallen, though! So anyway, we stayed on the slopes doing blue courses all day, without a break cuz we're hardcore. Those things are NOT as easy as you might think (i.e. I can't ski!) and I took a few more dramatic falls before it started to get a bit dark again, so we took the gondola back to the main area. After stopping for coffee, we were back on the road on our way to Veltheim again! As if the day wasn't full enough already, we re-capped our skiing adventures to Chris' parents then went to the thermal baths really close to where he lives. I'd never been before... it was basically just a very warm swimming pool with a lazy river kinda thing that we just went around and around in, occasionally crashing into people. Very nice and relaxing after a whole day of skiing! Lots of new things! Left there around 10pm and went out for dinner... I ate DUCK. Unprecedented. At least it wasn't rabbit, lamb or something terribly cute!

You might think the Swiss adventures conclude here... but you'd be wrong! On the morning of the 27th we got up early for breakfast then went out with Chris' dad to go flying!! They can both fly, but Chris' license is expired, so his dad drove us up and through the mountains, past Lucern and Interlachen, and all around. Switzerland is a beautiful country, and this is totally the best way to see it! I even got to steer for a while. Sooo excellent. Just kinda realxed in the afternoon, went out for a walk with his dogs, dinner at home, then passed out early. Exhausting couple of days! I left for Turkey again on the 28th in the mid-afternoon, after a complete whirlwind of a Swiss fairy tale Christmas. I am soo lucky to have had the opportunity to do all of that, Chris and his famiily were aaabsolutely wonderful, and I left Switzerland very happy... and well-stocked with cakes, cookies and chocolates! This trip could honestly not have come at a beter time amongst all my confusion last week, and could not have been any better! Thank you again, Chris, for everything!!! :-)

Anyway, so now here I am, back in Turkey, cold and wet, just as I left it, and things still haven't slowed down! Got back late Monday night, just in time for a house meeting, because we have two new roommates, from Romania and Pakistan (= Chicken Biryani for me... whoo!). Some of the New Zealanders are going home early, so there will be room for these guys as well as a few Russians I guess are on the way. At the moment I have my room to myself, because Fati (my Moroccan ex-roommate) moved out and went back to Morocco. This is good... privacy, more space, can stay up late at night on Skype with the lights on, etc, but I'll be paying double the rent now, since we do the apartment by room, and I just can't afford that. Hope one of the Russians wants to share my room with me. I'm not that bad! I also need to strategize and come up wtih another plan of attack for the walls and ceiling, because it's been so wet and rainy here that after my six-day absence in Switzerland the mold is back and worse than ever. Ugh.

Back to work on Tuesday, but I left mid-day for a job interview at an accounting firm. Wound up getting the job, but they wanted to pay me significantly less than my current working-for-penuts job, so I told them I just couldn't accept less than 1000 lira/ month, my current salary. They got back to me mid-afternoon and said that was OK, so I accepted the job! The company is called Ak-Denetim, and is located on the same street as my current office, even closer to my apartment... I'll be walking less than 10 min to work in the morning and, best of all, I'll be doing a standard 8 hour a day, 5 day a week job... saving me 20-26 hours a week of extra free time for the same salary (albeit without a meal card, which is a bummer). I'm quite happy about this.... the people there seem nice, especailly the boss (phew!), the office is realllly nice as opposed to my current semi-dumpy one, and has huge windows with a nice view of the sea in the office where I'll work. Now you might be wondering what in the world I'll be doing in an accounting company. Answer? Not accounting. I'll be editing their reports, writing speaches when they deal with international clients, etc etc... and giving in-office business English lessons. OK, not so interesting, but definitely an improvement in every regard from here, and it's actually initially just an 8 week internship with potential for extention. Worst case scenerio, I'll be out in 2 months! I told AIESEC I would like a 6 month traineeship after that, relevant to my studies, to finish up my time here doing something worthwhile for a long enough period of time to put it on a resume, and they say they can help me with that. We'll see.

SO here I am at United Towers for my last day!!! Couldn't be happier. It's a little weird saying goodbye to all my colleages, but honestly I'll still be in Istanbul for another 8 months, and I'll be working down the street. I don't think this is the last time I'll see them. :-) Just cleaning my desk, notifying everyone I've worked with that I'm on my way to bigger and better things, and wrapping things up! Woo hoo!

And with that I conclude this very lengthy blog entry!!! Hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas, and I wish you all a happy, healthy, etc etc etc, prosperous, etc New Year as well!! Lots of love!!!

I've Caused Quite a Scandal....

2009-12-22T14:29:00.002+03:00

Merhaba, arkadaşlar!

Nasılsınız? Life goes on as always here in Istanbul... I grow more content with my life here every day, while my job satisfaction goes the opposite direction at an alarmingly more rapid rate. I spent most of last week freaking out about my life and trying to figure out what's really important. After a heated phone argument with a guy from AIESEC, when he canceled yet another meeting with me, I gave up on receiving any help from any of them. Basically I've come to terms with the fact that if I want anything done here, I have to do it myself

I started thinking it might be necessary for me to just leave Istanbul. Not to go back to the US or anything like that, but maybe to find another internship elsewhere. I found a number of interesting ones in Europe and the Middle East, and I almost decided on one in Bahrain... but searching for ways to leave Turkey just serves to make me rather depressed. I'm not ready to leave, I love this city, and I've finally found my nitch here... I have my friends, I have my life, I know the bakers, the guys at the deli, the people in the shops nearby, the whole staff at the Ramada Plaza hotel where I work out.... I feel quite at home. I was talking to a few other ex-pats Saturday night about how there's just something about this place that draws people to it, then makes them stay. Tons of people are here just because they felt like coming, and they stayed because they could think of no reasons to leave. Most of my expat friends just kinda wound up here. I'm not sure what it is... There's just no place quite like Istanbul. I don't want to look back later on and regret leaving this place before I'm ready... so after a few days of frantic job searching and a near decision to move on, I've decided to first make sure that I've completely exhausted all my options here.

OK sounds good in theory, but my first attempt to do so has completely failed. Last week, my roommate Brierly met a guy at a job fair that offered her an internship in the same field in which I work, educational consulting. She told him no, but she has a friend that might. Now, my company here, United Towers, is the biggest and best company in Turkey to do this stuff, but I figured I might be able to do part-time work (the guy mentioned being able to work from home or just at night), at least to start, then see how things go. Not ideal work, but new work. So I contacted this guy, explained my situation, we exchanged a few emails, I sent him my CV, and then he started calling me. A lot. Finally yesterday evening around 10:30pm he got a hold of me, we chatted briefly, and he wanted to meet me right then, at his place. NOT a good idea... so after convincing him I really couldn't go meet him and his business partners at his apartment, we spoke on the phone. Turns out this is a rival company of mine here... and this guy was hella creepy, somehow knows where I live (I didn't tell him!!) and tried to get info about my company out of me. So that whole thing was a bust...

BUT the situation escalates. This morning I was talking to one of my colleagues about it. OK, I know, I have a big mouth and should keep this stuff to myself, but he already knew I was searching for new work, and sometimes I just need to vent these things before 4pm when my friends at home wake up! He told me he knows this guy, and he's got a very sketchy history... cheated students out of more than $100,000, closed the business, took the money, then re-opened with a new name. He also has a number of other sketchy charges on him for a other things. We were discussing the matter when Hakan Bey walked in and inquired. Without thinking, my colleague told Hakan I'd been in touch with this guy (ahhh!!) and voila. Thus my day went bad. Needless to say, finding out your token American intern has been in contact with this super sketchy character that poses a major rival to your company isn't exactly good news.

Hakan asked me what the situation was, I told him I was hoping to maybe get part-time work at night to earn some extra money, but wasn't interested when I heard more info. He called this guy, asked him to send him all our email correspondences, and asked me to send them too. Why he needed to see these, I don't know, I don't think he was entitled to... and of course I know I didn't have to, but how sketchy would it have been to refuse? So, once pieces of my evil plot were out in the open, I figured screw it, and I sent them. And now it's all out there.

Hakan and I just had the long-awaited, inevitable meeting we should have had months ago. I told him I'm not happy here, there's nothing for me to do, that I studied too hard to sit here making cold calls and checking facebook, and that I've been looking for other work. I told him that it's an important time of my life to get real work experience, and I think this is something understood between us, since it's as big a waste of his money as my time. He told me yes, that he thought there would be more work for me here, but that he realizes he made a mistake hiring a non-Turkish speaking intern. He said, though, that he is willing to pay for the mistake by keeping me employed here, since it wasn't my fault. I assured him I'm doing my best to find something new, but it's proving more difficult than I thought. The problematic part of all of this came, though, when he told me if I'm looking for new work, I have to run it by him first, or he'll make one phone call and block it. Sure, maybe I should have been open with him about searching for new work, but when it comes down to it, I just didn't know how he would react. He then told me that had I accepted a job with this company, he wouldn't have allowed me to work there, and no company in our sector, aside from this guy, would dare hire me away from him. He also added that had I found another job with AIESEC he could tell them not to take me, and have AIESEC send me back to the US, but he's a nice guy, so he won't do that and is willing to work with me. What?? He doesn't own me! I feel better post-conversation that everything is out in the open, but this last part really made me angry. I've never felt so completely helpless in an unsatisfactory situation before... he doesn't want me here just as much as I don't want to be here, but neither of us can do anything about it.

And so my life is passing, stressed out and worrying about where exactly I'm going.

But enough about that... back to life in general, I guess... last week passed quickly in a rush of discontentment and frustration... Friday night was freezing cold and rainy... the kind of miserable rain that happens when the temperature is just above freezing. Stayed inside with my roommates and our (wait for it) SPACE HEATER. We just found it in the apartment... I guess the guys bought it last winter, but the electricity bill was too high so they put it away. However, in a fit of rage over the bitter coldness of our home, we turned it on. So we were all huddled on the futon, which is now just the cushion on the floor, because the base broke (sigh, what next?), space heater blasting on us as we watched Harry Potter 4 on my laptop propped on a stool... when suddenly we blew a fuse. It would not go back on, despite trying as best we could to re-flip the switch. Comical, really, because we were using the heater to remedy our lack of central heating, and we wound up with no heat AND no power. Of course I wasn't laughing around 2am while I was showering in the cold, dark bathroom with cold water... but it's sorta funny now. :-) And at least the water didn't go out this time! I got a full (albeit freezing) shower.

Saturday I worked... again... Finished it up with a 90min run at the gym, and a near nap in the sauna. In came soccer player guy, and this time I agreed to go for coffee with him after at the cafe he owns nearby. After a brief coffee, and a quick stop home to change my clothes I was off to Gregory's, my French friend from Turkish class, apartment. He had texted me earlier to see if I was interested in meeting some of them to "move our bodies to some hip reggae tunes" haha, so of course I couldn't say no to that! After a walk down Cumhuriyet (metro was mysteriously closed) at which point about 20 people thought I was a hooker and asked me "ne kadar?" (how much), I eventually made it to Gregory's place where I had a few drinks with some Brits and we were off to the reggae bar.

Ah, so HERE'S all of Istanbul's diversity!!! Lots of cute African guys. The place was full of Africans with crazy dreads and clothes, and a few uncomfortable looking Turks in the corners. Made some new friends, but spent most of the night dancing with a South African guy that promised me not only that he could make me happy forever, but that he could make my hair into dreads just like his. Hahha... toootally not my style, I'll keep my hair as it is now and always has been, but an amusing thought, nonetheless!!

It's realllly easy to get lost in all that live reggae, so the next thing we knew it was 6am, we headed home, and I found myself again waking up mid-afternoon of my one day off... though fortunately 2:30 this time, not 4:30! Walked to the gym... was at least 60*, so nice and warm... but when I left after working out it was pouring rain and cold!! But I had a Christmas shopping quest to go on, so despite my umbrella being broken by the wind, then the second one I purchased meeting the same fate, I walked up to Istiklal, drenched, and wound up completely failing to find anything I wanted... Istanbul can't handle bad weather, and basically everything was closed! Around 11pm I found myself sprinting down Cumhuriyet back to my apartment, umbrella-less, drenched and empty handed. So I stopped for a bottle of wine (it was a bad day...) and a brief convo with the guys that work there before finishing the sprint home and concluding the evening like every other Sunday, with a few hours of Skype calls. Now I find myself just days before Christmas, one day before I venture to Switzerland, and all my shopping isn't done! I'm such a mess.

Anyway, after work I went home with Leyla, one of the girls from work, for "Christmas" dinner at her house. It was really, really nice!! Fatma, another girl from the office, came with, and we traveled by metro and bus to Leyla's flat... makes me appreciate my 10min walk to work more and more every time I go home with someone else! We eventually got there around 7:30... just in time to eat multiple courses of absolutely delicious Turkish food in extreme excess... and of course it's rude to leave anything on your plate, so by the end we were ready to explode. Leyla's flat was absolutely gorgeous, too. After sitting around chatting for a bit, her mom gave us a ride home, and even gave me a gift... a little hand-decorated porcelain plate. I should have been the one bringing gifts to her!! Anyway, it was a really nice evening.... until I got home and spoke with Creepy Man on the phone, but at least I think things are over with HIM now that my 2 bosses have spent the day yelling at him. Just a matter of picking up the pieces around here, I guess and moving on.

And that's all from me! Have spent the part of my day not with Hakan frantically trying to track down a package my parents sent to me full of ski stuff and Christmas gifts! They sent it on Dec 11, and according to the online tracker it arrived in Istanbul today, but there's no way it'll be delivered in time (today) to get to me before I leave for Switzerland tomorrow morning!! Frustrating, I'm in Istanbul, and it is too, but I can't get it! I still have to finish up my Christmas shopping after work today too, and am meeting Gianluca, another one of Matteo's friends, that's coming to visit from Torino this evening and will be leaving before I return from Switzerland next Monday. Busy, busy, busy... there are not enough hours in the day to do all I need to! I'll just hope I don't have to stay up all night packing again like before London! Really, what a huge mess I am.

Ah, and now I've just received permission to go to the AIESEC office and meet with them. Some hope for me! I'll head over there now and hope for the best.

So, I probably won't be able to post again until after Christmas, as I'll be SKIING IN SWITZERLAND on Christmas (whoo!!) so I wish you all a very Merry Christmas from Istanbul!!!

Love, love! <3

My Life Could Be a Sitcom

2009-12-14T19:17:00.001+03:00

Good Morning/ Afternoon/ Evening (depending on where you are)!

Hope everyone is doing well! I've heard there's crazy cold weather in Chicago (and Mongolia for that matter, Mere, but no one is surprised there!) so despite the gloom and rain we've been having in Istanbul this week, I'm grateful to be here! Hope you're all staying warm, though. :-)

All is generally well here in Istanbul! Nothing too terribly exciting has happened here this week, aside from a few random things... like me being hit by a motorcycle. Ha. All of you that know me even a little bit are not surprised by this tidbit of information... I'm quite prone to mishaps such as this, the kind that really don't happen to anyone anywhere, except me! My last entry was posted around 6:00pm Monday evening, just as my Turkish course was beginning on Istiklal, about 15min away from here. SO I left work in a hurry, and was rushing down Cumhuriyet Caddesi (Republic Street, the street to Taksim/ Istiklal), ipod on, weaving in and out of people (they walk SO slow here, often with linked arms... not good for the perpetually late power-walkers such as myself), the usual deal. Suddenly I get hit really hard from behind by a speeding motorcycle handlebar, and was knocked completely off my feet!!! Stop laughing, while it must have been quite a sight, it was not funny at the time!!! A few people walking by asked if I was OK, I said I was fine, then kept walking, thinking to myself, "Bastard ripped my tights!!!" because I had a new pair of nice tights on that I'd just bought the Saturday before. Fortunately I'm addicted to purchasing various tights and leggings, so I had a few more pairs in my bag. Don't ask me why. The guy just drove away, by the way.

I was looking for a place to change them, when I felt that my leg was all wet. I looked down and realized my leg was bleeding quite a lot and I was leaving a trail of blood behind me on the sidewalk! Disgusting! So I eventually made it to McDonalds and walked in, leaving my trail of blood through the store too (woopse)... and went to the restroom there. Some woman was applying lipstick in the bathroom and told me to wait. So, unsure how to respond, I just stood there bleeding for a while, until some McDonalds employees came rushing over with alcohol and cotton. The girl immediately went into first aid mode, ripped my tights more than they already were (a necessary thing, I wasn't mad ;-) ha) and started trying to clean it. My blood was literally all over her hands, how disgusting for her!! But anyway, really nice. After a while it just wouldn't stop bleeding, so the on-duty McDonalds police officers and one concerned guy eating a Big Mac (random) took me to the hospital. Ahh! I walked in, they glanced at my passport, then took my coat, rolled up my sleeve and gave me three hasty and very painful injections in my arm without cleaning the area first, taking the time to inject slowly, or putting pressure or a bandage on after! They then cleaned my leg again, stitched it up for me, wrote me a prescription for various medicines that I never got filled, and sent me on my merry way. No paper work, no payment, nothing! Strange, but I guess this is free health care in action, and I'm lucky they didn't charge me anything... I've heard horror stories from my expat friends about exorbitant fees for foreigners. Let's just hope I didn't contract some random disease. :-)

Anyway, took Tuesday off work to recover a bit. Was quite sore all over, and really it was a nice chance to sleep in... and sleep in I did... woke up around 4pm!! Ahh! This is really becoming a habit for me! My leg was incredibly gross looking, haha, but my biggest concern was that I finally had time to go to the gym in the afternoon, do a long workout, then spend some time chilling in the sauna (well no, you don't chill in a sauna... but you know what I mean...) but I couldn't cuz of the stupid open wound! :-) They only stitched the edges, which was strange, and it's still bleeding a week later. Yes, I know I'm overly graphic. Anyway, 2 of my roommates work Saturday and Sunday but not Tuesday or Thursday, so they were home, and we just kinda hung out for the remainder of the afternoon... I missed the sun that day. Ha. And not a bad deal, though I did miss saying goodbye to the visiting Italians from Torino... just another excuse for a European trip, I guess!

In other news, as if getting hit by a motorcycle wasn't enough of a mishap for last week, we've also been having some problems with our water in the apartment. As in, it usually doesn't work. Not from the faucets, that is, there's plenty on the walls! So yes, Wednesday night around 2:45am I was taking a shower, hair full of shampoo, covered in soap, when the water went freezing cold, then off 5 seconds later. I stood there for a minute, confused... tried to turn it back on, didn't work, started shivering (please remember we have no heat), reluctantly towel dried the soap off of me, and started seeking other options. At this point, I would have much preferred someone be up to a.) share their ideas with me, or b.) at least laugh with me, but everyone was asleep as I wandered out into the kitchen, covered in shampoo, leaving a trail of suds. I then carefully evaluated my options. The conclusion? I poured the rest of our drinking water (maybe 8 oz) into a bucket, followed by maybe 2/3 of a 16oz bottle I had in my purse, the rest of the water from the tea pot on the stove, and part of someone else's bottle of water from the fridge, then stuck my head in the bucket, took a drinking glass, dipped it in (Indian bath style) and poured the water over my head until most of the shampoo was out. Disaster! To make matters worse, shivering, I went to plug in my hairdryer, and I electrocuted myself, because I was all wet and apparently touched the metal. I now have a little burn mark on my finger to go with the burned fingers from cooking, the cigarette burn on my leg, and the stitches in my other leg. I'm on a roll! I now have every pot in the house filled with water sitting around the kitchen, just in case, because this is a recurring problem. I am hoarding. And that was the epitomy of my life resembling a sitcom... me limping through the kitchen in a towel, stitches in my leg, dripping shampoo, pouring water on my head from a teapot and electrocuting myself shorting after. Unreal.

SO moving on, back to work on Wednesday, last Turkish class on Thursday, which was majorly depressing! I really enjoyed the class, and am afraid that all of my "Teach Yourself Turkish Books" won't suffice to keep me up with what I've already learned, nonetheless teach me new things! I'll try though! Another course starts today, but in the afternoon... so even if I had enough money for the second course (was thinking of asking for it for Christmas) it won't start until mid-February! Hmmmm.

My whole class (well, most of us) went out after our last session to Gregory, one of the French engineers' flat for a mini party. He has a very nice apartment, right in Taksim, with a beautiful view of the sea. We drank French wine while he entertained us on guitar in various languages. I will admit it was a bit awkward because we're such a different group.... 35 year old very lazy Antonio from Italy, teaching Italian in a high school here, 28 year old Amelie (like the movie!) from France, learning Turkish for her Turkish fiance she met in Japan, 21 year old Inigo, the Spanish architecture erasmus student, Hanna, the 23 year old German soon-to-be PhD student, studying Turkey-EU relations and doing an internship for EU NGO, Lee, the 35 year old Korean guy that speaks not a word of English and thus communicates with us only in Turkish (funny to watch Europeans and a Korean communicating in broken Turkish!)... etc etc etc. Was a good time, though, and we all split taxis home, as it was quite late and QUITE cold. Yes, winter has come! Now if only we had some snow....

Friday morning I came to work around 9:45 as usual, and this was the tragic end to my "Let's Beat Hakan Bey to the Office" game. I sauntered into the office, and there was Hakan Bey himself, glaring at me. I smiled hesitantly, gave him a timid "günaydın" and sat down. About .0001 seconds later I was summoned to his desk. I knew this wasn't good. "Kristen, where were you?" "Well... you know there are 11 of us sharing one bathroom at home, so basically I've been in line, and we didn't have water last night, so my hair was full of shampoo overnight anyway and..." "No excuses. I wake up at 7am every day!" (Kristen is thinking "then why do you come to work at 12:30?) "... even though I have other things to do in the mornings ...." (mhm) "but this is unacceptable. Now, I'm a very flexible guy. More flexible than most people...." and here's where I was snickering so much in my head, I tuned out a bit. Now of course normally he would have every right to be angry with me for consistent tardiness, but not only does he only know of the 3 or so times I've been caught, since he usually comes much later, no one is expected to be on time but me! The few times I've come at 9am, I was the only one here next to Mehmet Bey. So rather than going on a long tangent about how it's a bit hard to motivate myself to rush in to a job where I'll sit on facebook for 9 hours, give myself lower back pain, overdose on coffee and dream of better days while secretly loathing him, I nodded and apologized. He told me that was my last warning. Really? I'll be fired? On the one hand, that would make life easier for me, no stupid protocol with AIESEC to get out of this job (like mandatory mediation meetings... ugh!!) but on the other hand, my ego is too big to be fired. Today I came at 9am, there were 2 people here. The next came at 9:35, most came between 9:45 and 10am, and \Hakan Bey came at 12:15. I clearly do not know how to play this game.... but that's my news there, I might be fired!! From such a useless job! Argh.

Well anyway, Friday was thus a long and awkward day for me. Wrote a seething email to AIESEC, but they're apparently all (....) out of town until this coming Friday, and can't meet with me until then. If I still have a job by then, we'll need to have a serious talk about getting me out of it, ego in tact.

Saturday was our big job fair event at the Hilton in Taksim Square. I was there on time, at (cringe) 7am, just 2 hours after I went to bed. I'm going to die, I think. :-) Inigo, the Spanish guy from my Turkish class, says that all the time, very morbidly, "Kristen I think you will die in Istanbul." This was after explaining my apartment woes to my class in Turkish, the day after I was hit by the motorcycle, and about 2 seconds after I slipped down the marble stairs of the school building on my butt, one day after the electrocution. My life!

Anyway, the Hilton event was nice... just to be out of the office. Lots of American companies, and they had me be their Turkish translator! My Turkish is VERY basic, but I was able to communicate enough to make the hotel know what they wanted (most waiters and service people did not speak English and no one else was around) and it was good practice for me! Also made some new Russian friends, then made friends with all the waiters and got a steady supply of expensive bottled water cappuccinos free for the rest of the day. :-) Excellent. Reminds me of the Turkish waiters at the Consul General of Switzerland's cocktail party at his flat in Chicago this summer, though, and that whole bit for those of you that know the story. Hm!

Saturday night was Hanna, my German friend from class', goodbye party... she went back to Germany this morning. So sad!! I rarely like females, but I really get along well with this girl! We went out to dinner with some of her Turkish friends and some guys from class, then out for drinks at to a club. Ran into Kathiana and Carolina, the Colombian and Mexican AIESEC trainees that live about 2 hours from Taksim, at the club. What are the chances! Was nice, though, and I hope to see them again soon. Turned in around 5am Sunday, slept til 4:30pm, met Hanna for one last goodbye coffee then went to the gym (sooo nice after a week of resting my stitched up leg and not going!!!), followed by a brief nap (bad idea maybe) in the sauna, and many, many hours of Skype video calls. Again went to bed very late because of this but it was great talking to everyone again and catching up more personally than via email (though those are nice too)! Hugo, one more before 2010- the new goal. :-) :-) Actually there was a cute little old man in the coffee shop of the hotel where I was mooching WiFi for my Mac (remind me why I pay for internet every month at home??) and he saw me showing him to a friend on the computer. I apologized when he noticed, but he started chatting away. After a brief Turkish conversation, I went back to my Skype call, and about 10 minutes later he came and brought me three squares of the chocolate bar he was eating, still wrapped in foil. So sweet! So I said thanks, and he smiled and went back to his chair. In about an hour when he was leaving, he came over and kissed my hand before leaving. Such a cute little old man! But these Turkish guys, they never stop.....

And that brings us to right now, at the office! It's strange not rushing off to class now, it's after 6pm and I would normally be running there and being hit by speeding vehicles. But alas! I will instead head to the gym and enjoy my evening that way, which will be a great stress-reliever.. and makes my back feel better. I'm so OLD, who gets lower back pain at 22? Argh. I need a more active job, my butt hurts too. :-/ On the way home I'll stop in to argue with the coat guys... tried to return a coat that ripped the third time I wore it, and they won't take it back. Have been going in almost daily to argue in my broken Turkish for either my 60 lira back or store credit. Currently they have my coat back on the rack and tell me they'll call me and give me money if it sells (they mended the rip). Good deal for them, they'll probably never call me! And thus I will continue to hassle. I will not lose this one! When I walk in there they all sigh, groan, and pull up a chair for me. Haha, I'm annoying, but persistent. That is, of course, except for the guy there that told me he wants to marry me, and he'll give me my 60 lira back then. Better add a few (a lot) more zeros to the end of that first, honey.

Now I'm off!! After the most boring day in the world at work, I'm staying 16 minutes late?? Ahh! Hope all is well with all of you, and keep the emails coming!!

Much love!! xx